The Power of Touch

Kate says . . .

Touch: something so simple and yet so vital to life. While it is a love language, everyone needs it. The dictionary definition of touch is:

“An act of touching someone. or something.”

“To handle in order to manipulate, alter, or otherwise affect, especially in an adverse way.”

I found these two definitions of the same word very interesting and telling. As Brad shared in his post “Where Has All the Touch Gone?“, touch is something we all need and is essential to life. In the beginning of dating and marriage, touch is powerful. Somewhere down the road we allow touch to have less power and significance in our marriage and let’s be brutally honest, marriages that suffer from loss of touch are also suffering with a lack of sexual intimacy! 

Marriages that are struggling with lack of touch, each spouse then finds they are in one of two camps.

The Avoid Touch at All Costs Camp

This camp is full of spouses who avoid touch for many different reasons, but eventually use it as a crutch. I was this wife for a time. I was tired, exhausted really and to be completely honest- stuck in my own selfishness. When Brad would touch me in any way, I always thought that he was touching me with one goal in mind; sex!

Since I didn’t have a healthy respect and understanding for sex, I avoided all touch. Robbing myself of a wonderful closeness that I desired and needed. I sabotaged my own self. What I needed and kept myself from having. If you are in this camp, I would challenge you that you cannot have the marriage you desire if there is not touch (or sex for that matter) between the two of you. I realize that as Brad said there is both non-sexual touch and sexual touch. You need both!

I had to really take a good look at myself and ask why I shied away from all touch and would not just enjoy my husbands touch. It should not always turn into sex, but so what if it did? If you are in this camp you need to allow your spouse to touch you. To invite them to touch you, but being an initiator of touch yourself. Hold your spouses hand, put your arm around them, sit next to them when you could choose to do otherwise, lean on them-basically delete space from between the two of you!

I Want to Touch But It is Always Misinterpreted Camp

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Feelings vs. Truth

Kate says, You are in the moment and you are hurt or angry. You feel justified. Perhaps you are remembering something from the past and, snap, just like that the emotions are right there as if it happened yesterday. You are caught up in those feelings and can’t seem to see a clear way out.… Continue Reading

Looking Up or Looking Down

Brad says, I still remember the night several years ago when I was plopped on the couch ignoring my family when Kate lovingly challenged me that I really could be helping her out with the three million things she was doing after she got home from work. The first thought that went through my head… Continue Reading

Husband Bashing

Kate says . . . Sometimes it’s so easy and you just can’t resist. You are out with a bunch of girlfriends and you all start talking about your husbands. One thing leads to another and you are all in comradery about your husbands. Only the comradery is about the ways that your husbands are lacking.… Continue Reading