One Flesh . . . what does that mean, exactly??

Kate says:

Before I start my first official blog  . . . a couple of things we wanted to say.  Our format is going to be:  I (Kate) will blog and then Brad will later respond with his thoughts and perspectives from a male/husband point of view on the subject.  Then the next blog, Brad will start and I will later add my thoughts and perspectives from a female/wife point of view.  As we journey along with you, please feel free to ask questions about anything we have said!  Also feel free to leave comments.  You can do this on the blog or on our One Flesh Marriage Facebook page.  If you have questions that are more of a personal nature, feel free to email us.  Also, we encourage all of you, to not just take our word for it when we discuss the many different parts of having a One Flesh marriage, go to God’s word yourselves.  We do not want this ministry to be built on us, but on the One True God and His Word!

That being said, there will be many times that we will discuss topics, that may make you wonder how they pertain to a One Flesh marriage.  Topics such as “How does your bedroom make you feel –  Sanctuary or Insanity?”  These are all helpful bits and pieces that Brad and I have discovered as God has revealed to us His plan for our marriage, a One Flesh Marriage!

Who are we?

I remember when Brad and I were first married.  I always loved the “one flesh” scripture, I thought it was hopelessly romantic and thought simply because we were married and had the pleasure of enjoying sex, that we had achieved all that God intended for this scripture!  Wow, I now see how much I underestimated this amazing scripture, that has now completely changed the way I look at marriage!  I have been blessed, for God to reveal to my heart, what One Flesh is!  I can feel it in my heart, my soul and my being, the blessing that is: One Flesh Marriage.  I feel it every time I am with Brad, my beloved, and I have a burden to share that with you.  My prayer is that God will help us to express the things in our hearts and souls on this blog, so that you too can experience a One Flesh Marriage and ultimately God can be praised!

From the Beginning

If we go back to Adam and Eve, there was a time before Adam and Eve sinned. In that time they knew exactly what a true One Flesh marriage was.  Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, ultimately saying that they knew better for themselves then God did.  Disobedience came a high price.  The greatest price was separation from their Loving God, but there also was a separation from one another.  Until now, Adam and Eve, never had a fight or disagreement.  Imagine that, there was no power struggle between them.  As sin entered, all of those things got tossed and turned until it was hard to see which end was up.

Our Journey

I’m sure you are wondering how Brad and I found our way to a One Flesh relationship.  For much of our marriage, I thought we had a great marriage.  Sure there were tough times, but overall it seemed like we were in a good place!  Little did I know there was so much more waiting in the wings. In July 2009, my uncle Rick who lived in California, and was suffering from head and neck cancer, needed to come to Pennsylvania so we could care for him.  We moved him here in July.  He initially moved in with my sister (who lived in the same neighborhood as us) and we worked out that I would care for him mostly, as my sister and brother in-law worked full-time, and if a time came when he needed round the clock care, then we would move him to live with Brad and I.  Rick had already been fighting the cancer for 2 years and was very weak.  As soon as we consulted the doctors here, we were told that Rick’s cancer had metastasized and therefore could not be cured.  It was spreading and the original tumor, though treated with radiation was still present.  Rick still chose to do chemotherapy, because he still believed he would beat this.  But the doctors told him the treatments will purely palliative (to give him some comfort, by slowing the rate the tumor grew).

Over the months of taking Rick to and from the Cancer Center every week, sometimes multiple times, I was emotionally exhausted.  We felt very strongly that God wanted us to be the hands and feet of Christ to Rick.  I kept praying that God would lead me, that he would give me strength for all that lay ahead.  I also prayed a prayer that I had read in a book:  “Break me Lord until I am wholly yours!”  I had no idea the first place He would break me was my marriage!

In January of 2009 right after the holidays, things with Rick were still really tough.  I was not sleeping well and my emotions were all over the place.  During that time Brad and I were doing the Daniel Fast (which I highly recommend to all married couples-but that is another post) with our church.  As we did that fast together, I kept praying my prayer, “Break me Lord, until I am wholly yours!”  It was then that I felt God speaking to me over and over, “Cling to your husband, for he is who I have given you to share this burden!  Cling to him!  Cling to him!”  At first I couldn’t even articulate why I felt this way, this need to cling to Brad.  So at first I did not talk to him about it, but physically clung to him with all that I had.  As Brad started to see that I needed this time, we started to carve it out every night.  After we put the kids to bed, we would go to our room and wrap ourselves up in each other, talk, snuggle, whatever we needed.  No TV, computer, etc.  I am sure many of you are wondering if this means we had sex?  Short answer Yes!  But most importantly it was the fact that we took the time to be with one another, without outside interruptions.

I was truly amazed and humbled!  In the midst of chaos, God could make beauty out of us, as we laid ourselves and our marriage at his feet.  Part of me could not believe where God had led us and the other part of me, was thanking God over and over for pouring out His blessing on our marriage.  I started to search for a way to describe what was happening and that was when God lead us to Ephesians 5.  Specifically verse 31- “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  One flesh, biblical oneness, complete with my husband that is how I felt!  No other way to describe it!

I needed Brad and Brad felt awesome being needed.  And God is ok with that.  Always, God comes first and is our center!  But after that, there is your spouse and God says we are to “Cling” or “Cleve” to them.  What an awesome thing God did for us, in His design for marriage.  He gave us a physical person, in our spouse, to cling to, to become one with.  So that as we walk through life, we are not doing it as two separate beings, we are doing it as one.  How amazing that is!  God rained down his blessing of oneness on Brad and I though this season in our lives.  Through trials, prayer, fasting and seeking God, he answered us!

We both marveled at where God had led us, and started to carve out “our time” every evening.  We had discovered a treasure like no other and we were going to protect it with our lives.  We began to search the Bible for all of God’s teachings on marriage.  Some of this we did together and some independently.  God continued to reveal so much about his plan for marriage, through his word.

As we were about to celebrate Brad’s birthday at the end of January, by going away overnight, I decided to write Brad a letter as my gift to him.  I prayer that God would speak through me and that I could truly share with Brad what was on my heart.  I wanted to share how much I loved him, how much I respected him as my husband and head of our family, how amazed I was at where God had taken us and how excited I was about our future together.  At that time, God spoke this statement to my heart.

“Without God, I am nothing!  Without you (Brad), I am not who God intended for me to be!”  Brad is my other half, since we are one.  No, he does not complete me, as only God can do that, but he is the other half, of me.  It is said that “a man shall be joined to his wife”, the Greek word translated as be joined mean: “to adhere to / be joined together / be made ONE”.  We once were “two” or  “separated” beings and now are being made One Flesh, through God.  I believe that God’s plan for us as one, is so much greater and more precious than for us as two.

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