5 Bloggers 5 Questions: Intimacy In Marriage

Today we welcome the first blogger in our new series 5 Bloggers 5 Questions – Finding the Sexual Intimacy You’ve Always Wanted.  We are really excited to be able to share with all of you the thoughts and insights from some awesome Christian marriage bloggers!  If you want to start at the beginning check out, “The Sexual Intimacy You’ve Always Wanted

To get us going into this great topic we have Julie from Intimacy in Marriage.  Julie has been encouraging Christian women for several years.  Her passion is to lead Christian women towards a healthy sexual intimacy with loads of great information inspired by God’s design for intimacy in marriage!  We absolutely recommend it!

Don’t forget to check out the giveaway link at the end of the post for a chance to win some awesome prizes!!!

Julie says…

Question 1. Is there a difference between sex and sexual intimacy?

Depends on the couple.  For some people, the word “sex” has negative connotations for them — like in marriages where one spouse feels their value is based on how sexually available they are.  Sometimes I’ll hear wives in particular say things like, “He’s only nice to me when he wants sex.”  In this case, sex becomes  a matter of going through the motions. Her tone tells me that it is not a positive encounter, but merely one out of obligation.  Sexual intimacy, on the other hand, usually implies something that is beyond a physical connection — that there is authentic emotional and spiritual oneness happening as well. Rarely will you hear someone use the words “sexual intimacy” to describe something negative.   All that being said, in marriages where sex is nurtured and both the husband and wife really value it, then it doesn’t matter what it is called.  My husband and I have had some absolutely off-the-charts sex!  Seriously.  Off the charts. And it was intimate on every level you can imagine.

Question 2. What are the main things that keep married couples from having better sexual intimacy?

Definitely lack of healthy communication is the number one issue. They struggle with addressing challenges in their sexual intimacy and they have difficulty in expressing what they want and need.  Sex has become a source of contention rather than a source of connection for them.  Sure, we can say it’s because life became busy and full or because kids came on the scene, but all of that really comes back to a communication issue about priorities and keeping the marriage nurtured.    Another factor that can really impact sexual intimacy is if one or both spouses have unresolved past hurts.  Sometimes you see this in cases where either spouse has been sexually abused in the past, but it can also be if there has been emotional woundedness within the marriage when it comes to sex.  We are so vulnerable in our sexuality, that if we have been wounded in that area, then obviously there are going to be trust issues.  Regardless of the challenges, too many couples either don’t know where to begin in overcoming the roadblocks or they refuse to do the difficult work of changing unhealthy patterns. But I always say that baby steps matter a lot… If a couple can at least take baby steps in the direction of healthier intimacy — and keep walking in that direction — that’s huge!

Question 3. How does a relationship with Jesus effect sexual intimacy?

I think when we have a personal relationship with Christ, we begin to better grasp the depth of the covenant relationship that marriage is.   God speaks of marriage like no other human relationship.  When we view marriage as sacred — and all that goes with it, including sex — then certainly we have desire to protect something so precious. There are many spiritual things going on when two people make love (which is one vital reason why God wants sex kept within the boundaries of marriage).  Married Christians who struggle with sexual intimacy sooner or later have to reconcile with the truth of God’s word… That He never meant for sex to be optional for married couples, but rather something savored and protected.

Question 4. How do you encourage couples to develop sexual intimacy in their marriage?

My mantra continues on this communication factor.  The more comfortable a couple can become in talking about their sexual intimacy — not only what they enjoy about it but also addressing the struggles that emerge — then the more likely it is that sex will be sacred ground for them.  They will go out of their way to make sure they protect that time together and guard it from so many things that want to sabotage it.  On a spiritual level, I also tell couples that one of the best things they can do for their marriage is to nurture their sexual intimacy.  Satan knows that a couple that has great sex is a force to be reckoned with.  Couples who want to experience all marriage can be and want it to remain on strong footing will intentionally make time for sexual intimacy.

Question 5. What is the mission of your blog/website/ministry? Tell us a little about yourself…

Well, sex was a mess in my first marriage.  So, I write and speak out of my own journey (which I think always resonates with people more than lofty religiosity).  Honestly, I don’t think people want to hear from someone who gives the impression they have it all figured out.  They want a real person.  I write and speak about sex because I headed into a second marriage with a much better understanding of the sacred gift it is.  My site is geared more toward Christian wives, but I hear from quite a few husbands as well.  People are relieved to have a Christian talk about sex in a way that really gets at the heart of what’s going on behind closed doors — and I try to speak hope into those places.  And I happen to like sex a lot, so if I can encourage people to enjoy the gift it is, then I’m all about that. On a purely physical level, I still am awe of God’s design of orgasm.  Kudos to the Creator for coming up with something so indescribable.

Here is a link to a post on my site that talks about the challenge many Christian wives have with modesty negatively impacting what’s going on in their bedroom.

And here’s a post that tells more about me:

Thank you Julie for participating in the OFM 5 Questions 5 Bloggers series!  Please check out this great resource:

 

Don’t forget to check out the

for the chance to win some awesome intimacy prizes!!!
and keep checking back all week for the rest of our 5 Bloggers 5 Questions series!

Go now to the second installment in the series:

5 Bloggers 5 Questions: Journey to Surrender

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3 Responses to 5 Bloggers 5 Questions: Intimacy In Marriage

  1. Great answers, Julie.

    It is important that believers appreciate the legacy of damage done to our sexual identity by nurture, nature and culture. Though saved, we really are in need of such great restoration and must challenge the origin of all of our "assumptions" about sex. When we communicate with one another as couples, we often do so from that place of damage and continue to struggle with understanding what it really means to be intimate with someone.

    The physical act of sex becomes low hanging fruit at which we pull and tug hoping to achieve what can only truly be achieved through selflessness, sacrifice and a willingness to let our spouse go where we will trust no other. This seems so often to be easier said than done.

    The struggle I just described is also evident in our walk with Christ. Some of us struggle to let Him into those special places in our lives.

  2. Pure Bed,
    Thank you for your comments! I really like your connecting the intimacy of husband and wife with the intimacy that is experienced in our walk with Christ. In both selflessness, time, patience, and communication is required. And in both the end result is ecstatic joy!

    hmmm… I wonder if God designed it that way for a reason?!?!?!

    Thanks for your comments and thank you for being a sponsor of the 5 Bloggers 5 Questions giveaway! Be sure to check out the great prize packages http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/5-bloggers-5-questions-intimacy-giveaway