“I Can’t Remember the Last Time my Husband Touched Me!”

Kate says . . . 

There are many wives out there who have shared their hearts with us, women who are in a marriage where sex is a struggle. Contrary to what society implies, there are many husbands who refuse sex to their wives. The wives in these marriages are struggling just as much as a husband in the same situation and today I want you to hear their story. (these are paraphrased for privacy). These are only some of the comments and emails we have received at OFM:

“I am always initiating with my husband and always being refused. It makes me feel awful.”

“On our honeymoon, I put on a sexy lingerie and my husband gave me a chase kiss and went to take a shower, never once noticing how I was dressed or that I was trying to initiate sex with him. After two years, this is still the dynamic; I am still initiating and trying not to lost hope. Help us please!”

“I cannot remember the last time my husband has touched me. I am always the one doing the touching. Oh, how I crave to just be touched by my husband, and it doesn’t need to lead to sex (though that would be nice). Just to feel his loving, physical touch would be filling a great need in me.”

“What is wrong with me that my husband does not want me? Everyone I know shares that there husbands want sex all the time. My husband doesn’t and I can’t help but think something is wrong with me.”

“My husband and I rarely have sex. I want it and he doesn’t. I feel so unloved and unwanted. I know I need to be the wife, God is calling me to but truly I don’t know how to do that without intimacy. I don’t want our marriage to end, but honestly I cannot foresee a future without sex.”

“While my husband is busy being creative in refusing me, I am busy trying to make myself look physically better. I can’t help but want someone to notice me. I know it is wrong, but I need him!”

“I used to be a confident woman. Every time my husband refuses me I feel like another piece of my confidence is chipped away. I am not naïve to think I am pretty, but I had hoped to be pretty in his eyes.”

WIVES, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
No matter how isolated and alone you feel, you are not! I have many wives contact me about their husbands lack of interest in sex and the hurt runs deep, very deep. That hurt carries into everything they think about themselves and their marriage. Please know that your hurt and pain does not go unrecognized. Every avenue of hurt in marriage is vital to talk about and bring into the light. My heart breaks for all of the wives out there who want a deep one flesh connection but their hubby’s refuse. Here are four tools that wives who are in a sexual drought marriage can do.

1. Have a heart to heart with your hubby!

You might be thinking, “I have tried that, many times and it gets us nowhere!” I think that is the case many times when we try to talk with our spouse about difficult issues. We seem to go round and round in circles with no real change. The key to having this talk with your hubby is, him knowing and feeling you are on the same team. Even though you are lonely and hurt, it is important to express to your hubby how much you love him and want good things for your marriage. Tell him how much you want change for both of you, not just for sex. Focusing solely on sex will most likely lead your hubby to feel inadequate and defensive.
Find a time when your husband is relaxed (not after a long day of work), sit close to him and find some way to physically touch him (i.e. hold hands). Touch is so important. When we are talking, touch communicates a great deal about your goal of unity.The best way to start is to share some of the things that you love about your hubby and how proud you are of him. Thank him for all that he does for you and the family. Be authentic and share from your heart. Then share with your hubby, your desire for the two of you to grow in your one flesh journey. Talk about your feelings. Do not get stuck accusing your hubby and pointing fingers. Regardless of where your hubby needs to change, accusing will only send you round in circles again. Focusing on a spirit of unity in change, not just asking for more sex, will communicate your need and want for God’s design for marriage.

2. Seek Help!

No matter how many doctors tell him he is normal, your respect and love will be what breaks through.
What if medical problems are not the reason? Brad and I are big encourager’s of third-party help. Someone outside your marriage, who can be objective and helpful. This can be a married mentor couple, a pastor or a professional Christian counselor. Many times having another person to listen and give thoughts is very helpful, because they can see things that the two of you may have a hard time noticing. They can also help couples deal with past issues of sexual abuse, infidelity, addictions and other sexual partners pre-marriage.
Getting to the bottom of WHY your hubby has a low drive is a must. Finding out the why is always hard and takes much time and understanding. Avoiding this (which many times the low drive spouse does) is where many marriage find themselves. You may feel like you are constantly asking and pushing for help, don’t stop! Seeking help is not admitting defeat, it is taking a brave step.
What if my hubby refuses to go see a doctor or get third-party help? This is a tough one and many women have expressed this very problem. I wish there was a magic word that wives could use so that their husbands would feel safe to seek help. I think the best thing you can do if your husband refuses to seek help is: keep asking (without nagging) to seek help, pray for him and keep seeking to be the wife God wants you to be. Which is so hard when it feels so one-sided. God calls us to be the best wife we can be, no matter what our husband is doing or not doing. Looking at God’s word for wives, what can you do be the wife God wants?  It’s not about trying to make yourself sexier for your hubby, it’s about being who God wants you to be as the wife to your husband. I believe it is only through God’s love, support, grace and patience that a wife can continue on in a marriage where help is refused. There is always hope in God’s plan for marriage. We have seen husbands and wives do a complete turn around, one their spouses had almost given up hoping for. So keep praying and don’t lose hope.
What about giving him an ultimatums?  Ultimatums may seem like a good way to jolt your hubby into working on things, but we believe all else should be tried first.  If an ultimatum is your last resort, it is vital to put the ball in his court when making one. Saying things like, “If you don’t want to work on our marriage and intimacy and go to a counselor, then it’s over, I’m done!.”  is leaving the action and ball in your court. A better choice would be, “I love you very much and really want our marriage to change. I feel the need to talk to someone, as you know, about our intimacy and other issues. If you choose not to go to counseling (or other third-party help), then you are choosing for our marriage to be over.”  This is leaving the choice to the reluctant spouse to make the move one way or the other. You may need to be so bold as to make the counseling appointment and give your husband the date and time. If you leave it too open-ended, time goes by and nothing happens. Again, Brad and I feel ultimatums are the very, very last resort.
Another great article on this subject was written by a fellow marriage blogger, Kentucky Colonel of A Grown up Marriage. It was a guest post on Intimacy in Marriage: Wives Who Are Sexually Refused. Be sure to check it out.

This post was for the wives! For you husbands out there wanting more sex, check out our recent posts, ‘We Haven’t Had Sex in Over a Year’ and ‘Life In Sexual Drought Begging for Change‘.

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32 Responses to “I Can’t Remember the Last Time my Husband Touched Me!”

  1. Well! We have been married 40 plus years and the last time we were intimate or had sex was 40 years ago. After our wedding my husband decided he wanted nothing to do with me, no honeymoon,sex,kids just nothing. At first I didn’t know what was going on I was young and not very smart.As time went by I finally understood he didn’t love me or want me. I guess marriage was a status thing only to him. Since we were married I’ve only slept with him once and had dinner once. He sleeps down stairs and I up stairs. My life has been horrible and it will never get better.

    • Decaf,
      I replied to your other comment on Choose Your Path to the 10 Day Challenge too. I’m really sorry to hear your story, but I hope that others reading it will be inspired to actually communicate about issues before they last 40 years! The challenge of even starting to change a pattern that has lasted that long must seem daunting! I encourage you to keep praying, and see the advice of a good Christian marriage counselor! There are things you can do, but none are easy. I pray that you will be able to find hope and help!
      God Bless,
      Brad

  2. I have been married 42 years but for the past four years have had no sexual contact with my husband I blame myself constantly as I have not been well but I’m told it’s up to me to instigate the contact,as I have been brought up in the older fashioned way I find this hard to do but do try ,to no avail I’m at the stage where perhaps if it was not for the beautiful house we have I would leave I’m not blameing anyone but I’m in a situation I really am unhappy my husband is happy as he has quite a few interests and loves where we live but aim really unhappy and feel most of the time like a spare part

    • Hi Stella! Thanks for writing and sharing. I hear your pain and my heart breaks for you and your husband. Remember, YOU can be the change you want to see in your marriage. It might not be easy, it might not be the things you want to do, but you can do it and impact your marriage for the good. It will take alot of humility, grace and serving. Yet it will be more rewarding then walking away and experiencing the “greener grass” on the other side. Step up and be the wife God is asking you to be regardless of where your husband is at. God wants your obedience! Your obedience is not and should not be dependant upon your husbands being the husband God wants! Please know that we are praying for you! You can do it! Don’t give up and hold tight to the hope of God’s plan in marriage! Blessings, Kate

  3. This has been an interesting article to read. I’m the one who wants more intimacy in my marriage sexual and non-sexual. I strongly believe that my husband has always had this in mind and hid his sexual/non-sexual issues from me until he felt it was safe to do so. I’m always praying and trying hard to continue to be a good wife to my husband as God would want. I just cannot find it in myself to believe that His plan for my life includes feeling withered, rejected, unloved and spending the next several decades feeling trapped and hopeless. I never thought I’d be at the point where I’m just ready for it to be over. I’m tired, so tired of giving my entire being to the betterment of this marriage and my husband passively watching me do so. I’m so wounded I just feel relief at the idea of ending things between us.

  4. Hi Sandi! Thanks for writing and sharing where you and your husband are. My hearts breaks for you, as I imagine it is a lonely place to be.

    You are right, God did not intend for you to be in this place feeling rejected and unloved-just to start the list. That is so far from what he wants for your marriage-like as far as the east is from the west. Please know that. Unfotunatly we are sinful people and we have choices to make. Your husband has chosen to live out his marriage in a way that is not what God wants and not loving to you. This may sound harsh and is not really intended to, but he will have to stand before God one day and answer for all of this! The flip side to that coin is that we as wives will also have to stand up for how we treat, respect and love our husbands. So while I understand your feelings, you are still called to work for the marriage as hard as that is. God is for your marriage!

    My thoughts would be to seek out a third party to help you through this and all that it entails-no matter which way things move. A pastor or licensed Christian counselor would be the best. If your husband won’t go with you, then you can go on your own and work on things-whatever that looks like.

    Lastly, always remember that there is always HOPE! God will never leave you nor forsake you! Please know you are not alone out there-there are many other wives in very similar situations as you are! Know that I am lifting you up right now! Blessings, Kate

  5. Hopefully you receive this . I have really tried to work this 47 marriage work, but I am very frustrated and hurt. My husband will not touch me been like this for 4 years. I.have talk to him about this and he is in such denial, says I always talk about this? Hard to talk to someone who will not talk to you,now what???
    I have become very bitter towards him and resentful,any
    Helpful words would help. Thank you

    • Corliss,
      Thank you for your message, obviously you are hurting and that is understandable. I wish I had some words that could help change things for you, unfortunately not knowing the whole story it is impossible to say what is causing the problem. Rather then pressuring him or guilting him because of the lack of touch I would try to see if you can understand it from his perspective. What are his reasons? Just doesn’t like sex? Maybe something isn’t working correctly? or possibly he had trauma in his past. If you can start to understand why he doesn’t desire it then maybe you can start to come together for a solution.
      God Bless,
      Brad

      • You say to talk to the husband, but when the stubborn ox refuses to do so, you say don’t pressure him. What the heck are we supposed to do? Be a different story if it was the other way around!

  6. This has been what I have lived with for a few years between my husband and I. I feel so embarrassed when I try to be intimate with him and he pushes me away. I used to feel very sexy with him and now its like I don’t exist. And it isn’t just about sex. He sleeps on the couch and I sleep in a giant king size bed alone. I tell him I feel alone and his answer to everything is for me to leave. This man is my all. I have never loved anyone before him and I feel like I have become a friend more than a partner.

    • Hi sad,

      I am so sorry to hear what you have to share, it truly breaks my heart. The one thing that sticks out to me, is that your hubby is your “all”. I used to also have this mindset, and yet it is a very dangerous one to have. Our all should be Jesus. Because He is the only one who can be everything we need ALL the time. When we put those exspectations on our spouse, they are sure to fall short everytime. Perhaps that is not what you meant, but refocusing on Jesus and your relationship with him will be the path to healing. He can meet all of your needs that your husband is not! I know it sounds cliche, but it is very true. Please know that I am lifting you up right now! Blessings, Kate

      • Help! What do you do? Tell him “counseling” which I can not imagine him EVER agreeing to that or ultimatum??? I don’t know what to do anymore….

  7. I’ve been with my husband for 15 years. At first we were like rabbits. Then I got on birth control for years and NEVER wanted sex. I would do it to please him. He told me one day that he prayed to God to stop having the urge bc he was tired of being rejected and that it worked. He also said we were like best friends instead of husband and wife. I got off birth control (4 years now), and I’m the one who constantly wants it! I always have to initiate it, but am unsuccessful 90% of the time. He works a lot and says he’s tired but says he doesn’t have the urge still. He did go to a doc and there were some issues there, however he doesn’t even try. No hugs, kisses out of the blue, back rubs, flirting, glances.. I feel like I disgust him and like we truly are just best friends who live together. All other aspects of our relationship are great. He says its not “punishment” for all the times I didn’t want to, just that God must’ve answered his prayers at the time. We are in our early-mid 30’s, I think we are too young for this! I feel unwanted, repulsive and not sexy in any way at all. I’ve tried to talk to him but he turns it around on me by getting defensive and saying that I’m making him feel worst than he already does about it, so it’s pointless to try and have a conversation about it. I cry myself to sleep a lot and he doesn’t even realize it or maybe he does and is just ignoring it. I’m starting to become very resentful although I love him and can’t imagine my life without him. But I honestly don’t know what to do to show him how bad this is hurting bc I almost feel like I’m just getting it back now!!!

    • Hi E!
      My heart breaks for your story as well! Have you and your hubby even tried going to counseling? Also have you been able to deal with the medical issues that were found?

      Have you shared your heart for wanting your marriage and intimacy to be a good thing for both of you together? Share that it hurts you that he is hurting inside and struggles with desiring sex. I know it is hard to think along those lines, but your hubby is hurting too, right along with you.

      I would encourage you to find a counselor or pastor who is willing to talk openly and honestly about sex and intimacy in marriage. Keep seeking to love and serve and respect your hubby the way God desires even when you are hurting. God can be all that you need in this time. Please know that God is not getting back at your for the times you struggled, he simply doesn’t work that way. He loves you very much and wants to bless us, not hurt us! We are human and we have flaws, and are sinful. It is that simple and that complicated at the same time. Know that I am lifting you up right now! Blessings, Kate

  8. Hi E!

    Setting boundaries is all about continuing to work on the marriage and at the same time, telling your spouse that the ball is in their court. It is not ultimatums. It is things like, “we need help, I think we need to see a counselor together. If you don’t come, you are choosing to not work on our marriage!”

    That being said, I cannot tell you how to proceed, you need to pray, to seek God’s word and to have your church family help you. But it is ok for a spouse to put up boundaries and put the ball in the other spouses court. If you don’t have a church, then find one that is Biblical and pro marriage!

    You really need someone who can walk this with you and give you the Godly advice you need. Please know that I am lifting you up! Blessings, Kate

    • Thank you Kate, I really appreciate the advice and kind words. It’s not something that is easy to talk about or admit. I often wonder if this is more common than I think. I’m not a religious person but do believe in God and praying, I’m also spiritual. I will start praying more for things to fall into place cause I feel like thats the path I need to choose at this point. I will keep you updated, thanks again!
      ~E

    • Also to answer your question, no we have never gone to counseling, he’s very old school in that way. I can’t imagine him pouring his heart out to a stranger. As far as the medical issues, it’s a progressional type thing, so it’s more of a waiting game, it’s nothing serious but enough to prevent pregnancy if ya know what I mean. I have tried to talk to him about the lack of intimacy in our marriage. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to have a conversation like that, it makes him very uncomfortable. He has said that he just doesn’t have the urge most of the time, and when he does he’s physically exhausted bc he works a lot and his job is a physical job, he says that it has nothing to do with me, that he is still attracted to and in love with me. He says that he’s gonna “work” on it but I don’t wanna make it like a job and put more pressure on him and make it worst. He said it makes him feel like less of a man (in other words). That’s as much as I can get out of him, my biggest problem is I haven’t seen any effort but don’t want to pry. I’m at the point where I can’t even change in front of him bc I’m too embarrassed, I feel like maybe he doesn’t like my body or something. I feel ugly and fat most days now, I don’t want to put the blame on him but I know this is why my self esteem has regressed. He has also said that is crazy for me to feel that way cause thats not at all the case. I know he loves me and it hurts him to see me upset but I just have no clue how to fix this, it’s a weird and embarrassing situation 🙁

      • E, thanks for sharing further! Please know that God loves you and is with you all through this. He will never leave you, no matter how hard it gets! I am lifting you up! Blessings, Kate

  9. I feel deeply sorry for each and every one of you ladies who has had to struggle with feelings of being unwanted. It is not fair to be treated that way and especially for long periods of time. All the same, I need you to know that it doesn’t just happen; that is, men don’t lose sexual interest in their wives for no reason. There are a number of possibilities; Either,
    1.) He is cheating on you with another woman or – God forbid – another man.
    2.) As a result of a porn diet he no longer ‘needs’ you because you don’t measure up to the women in those filthy movies (and he masturbates so no more need for sex with you).
    3.) His case is medical – low testosterone levels.
    4.) You have done something to wound him.

    I will concentrate on reason 4 – because if you can eliminate at least reason 1 and 2, then reason 3 involves a visit to the doctor. If neither 1, 2, and 3 are the case, then 4 is most definitely the case.

    What women have to understand is that while they want love and affection, men want obedience and submission. That does not imply that you become a cabbage and submit your faculties to him and end up as his chew toy – no. Think about it – women want men to show them love, appreciation, affection, validation — does that make him your chew toy ? Does it make him a cabbage if he decides to drop his golf buddies and spend saturdays taking you shopping ? Then if ladies want that sort of self-sacrificing love, why wont they respond in obedience ? Women need to know that if they can submit to a man, the most that man can do for them is die for them. Yes, you heard that right.
    Submission and obedience are hard to define but on a simpler level, it means that, within the fear of God, you shall not go over his head – and more so if he has asked you not to. As he loves you – you will respect him as the head and priest of the home. That implies that you will not manipulate him to get your way or go over his head to get what you want – that hurts a man so bad that he loses interest in his wife. Examples include
    – Manipulating him to get a baby – lying that you are using contraceptives when in actual fact you are not.
    – Doing things you already know he hates, e.g skimpy dressing in public, alcohol consumption, getting lifts home from other men who drive better cars than him (this last one DOES NOT impply low self-esteem or insecurity on the part of the man).
    – Spending money he asked you not to spend and more so on ‘insignificant’ things.
    – Borrowing money from your parents even after he has asked you not to.

    And the list goes on and on – and the truth is ladies, you do these things having convinced yourselves that you are right – and that’s where you go wrong. If you will not obey your husband – in the LORD, then don’t be surprised that he has lost interest in you.

    My advice – if reason 4 applies to you, go and say sorry – for specific things you know apply to you in as far as disobedience is concerned. You will be surprised that your husband will begin to warm-up to you.

    Frank

  10. Hi everyone! I just read these posts and I would like to reach out to someone. I am 26 and have been married for almost 2 years but been with him for 3 in total. For about a year now I’ve noticed my husband and I are more distant. We been having trust issues because he had hurt Me in the past but now my mind is in overdrive because it’s like I’m having a relationship with myself. Everyday he goes for his walks and when I ask him to stay home with me and the kids is never an option. He sprays himself, makes sure he looks good before he leaves and when he’s gone I don’t hear from him for 3 hours later. For about a year and a half now I haven’t felt his arms around me, he hasn’t tried to do anything nice for new anymore and I never get kisses. I have to ask for them and he never reaches out to kiss me as I’m coming in for a kiss.. he rolls his eyes like he’s annoyed and kisses me with no emotion. I always grab for his hand but he always drops it with a cheap stupid excuse to let go. He doesn’t ever tell me he loves me on his own . if I don’t say it, I’d never hear the word. Every time I try to talk to him or ask him something he replies with that mean time in his voice but is nice to every one else. And lots of times we either sleep alone or every night our backs are faced to each other. We don’t have a sexual relationship.. It’s once a month and that’s only because I bring it up and we fight about it lots.. he’d never sleep with me or try to be close to me if I absolutely stopped my effort.. I’m tired of being rejected, pushed away and abused verbally and emotionally.. I love that man but I feel this is always going to be my life if I stay. He took me for granted from day one. Im his stepping stones, to be walked on until he reaches his destiny. We got married at city Hall, I paid for it, I paid for our wedding bands, I pay the bills, take care of our kids. I worry, he simply doesn’t! He’s a child inside that man body.. I want out but when that time comes I instantly feel that pain and sickness so to feel better, I stay with him.: (

  11. Husbands can be rejected too.
    I’ve been married 22 years and haven’t had sex for the last four, because I finally gave up after years of rejection. Somewhere along the line, she completely lost all interest and/or desire. I can’t even hug or kiss her without being pushed away. I feel like a prisoner in a dungeon, starved and deprived of any love or affection. But if I fell into the arms of another woman I would be branded as a low life cheating husband. Years of rejection has sucked away my ambition and self esteem to the point where I wake up alone each morning and feel depressed all day long. Love, affection and sex used to be something of a reward and escape from all the other bull**** in life.

    • Hi Al, Thanks for writing and I hear great pain in what you have shared. Please know that the what you say is very true and we write a great deal on the subject. If you search our archives you will find many articles on wive who withhold and reject their husbands. But this post was specifically for women, whose husbands are rejecting them or withholding. These women are hurting as well and we want to talk about both sides. Thank you again for your comment and I pray healing in your marriage. Know that I am lifting you up right now! Blessings, Kate

  12. Oh my God! I am the husband who rejected for many years. These comments made me cry because I realize how my wife must feel. We are married for 25.5 years and had a sex life for one and a half. But it didn’t start off this way. Frank above makes some really good points. It takes a lot to change the nature of a man. A lot of pain and hurt that is. I used to look forward all day at work to getting into bed with my wife. I was so crazy excited and felt so privileged to share a bed with her. Now I see only isolation and estrangement for the rest of my life. Many years ago my wife took an evening to destroy me verbally; she destroyed all the parts of me that I thought was my masculinity (and they are)taking issue with things like “All guys think about is sex all the time.” Maybe that was a form of non contact sex abuse. I spent the next 20 years showing no interest in sex as a way to fix my “problems.” Eventually this pattern devolved to behaving cold and unresponsive towards my wife. I would never again bring up the subject of sex with her. Really it was not sex that I was not interested in; rather I was interested in not getting beat up again. I found my interest and drive weakening and my temptation to selfishness grew. Probably she started to feel like I didn’t love her and she may feel the way that some of those above comments indicate. As the years passed I became empty inside and scared enough that I resolved to try to recapture that interest I used to have. But those good feelings for her never came back. I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused. I never intended for my wife to feel unwanted and if I could have somehow restored those pre-painful evening feelings and interest I had in her I would have done it a thousand times. I wish that I could feel like putting on my wedding ring again. My advice to women is, if you are depressed or just having problems with uncontrollable PMS or are an adult child of alcoholics, get serious help fast. Don’t let these things destroy you or your partner and the special affection he has for you. I’d never wish this kind of a “marriage” on anybody.

  13. I remarried my husband after 20 yrs. he was abused physically. He was brought up on a farm.
    he works hard seems that’s all he does. When I tell him I ant more sex, more touch he never replies. He is a kind person but all he does is work, sleep, ***** about his work, He has his GED
    works blue collar, I am a nurse.. I get tired of being care taker should I leave I am 54, he is 57 will I ever have an opportunity to meet another man at my age?

  14. Ive been married for 13 years but not had sex for 6 years. As soon as he goes to bed,he just sleeps off. When I give him a hug I dont get any response from him. When Im in pain and in need of a massage, he just tells me to take pain killer. I dont think he loves me anymore.Once in a blue moon he gives me a hug though. I feel very hurt and lonely.I also feel so unattractive coz Im getting older.

  15. I don’t know where to start? I am in pain!i married my first boyfriend , before we married we never have sex we never make out, when i ask him why he used to say “we will do every thing after we marry” than we married after 5years, nothing is change he is not intersted to touch me to have sex with me, am sexy girl! Gays ask me for sex but not him, we have been 6 years with my husband but am still girl never have sex in my life, i ask him every time his answer is” in future” am so hurt feel like am not lucky hopeless, i don’t know what to do ? Even my family they don’t belive me about this store, no one can’t understand my pain this is my store belive it not

  16. I have been married for twelve years to a man who’s idea of being affectionate with me is a kiss on the cheek and saying “I love you.” It took him over nine months to finally kiss me when we were dating and that was all that happened. He didn’t ever compliment me or made a point to even try to be romantic – everything was matter of fact. At one point, I doubted that he was the one and I quickly denied that thought. I was 31 and lonely – and didn’t really think I deserved more. I know – lame. When we married – he told me he wouldn’t touch me intimately because it smelled (not kidding and this was a month into our marriage); he would only rub me above the covers. That and other things crushed me. He also told me that he didn’t expect sex to last as we grew older and I ignored that too. We did, however, have sex every once in a while but he would ignore my requests for what I needed. Little things like touch my hair, kiss my neck and other intimate requests. He would say he loved me but I never FELT love; I was so confused. Fast forward a few years we have a son (the best thing that’s ever happened to me);but no sex for seven years. Nothing physical at all. We went to a counselor and the first thing my husband said was that he was “fine with not being intimate and that being a companion was better than nothing.” Another crushing blow. He finally said that he felt that my requests for him to do the normal intimate things to me were nothing but complaints to him. I thought that it was ok for a woman to be a part of the act of intimacy – that it’s not a one-person show. He tells me he loves me still and yet he tells me that once I am out of his sight – he doesn’t have any thoughts of me – and that it’s always been that way. He also said that he believes a lot of men are like that. Oh – I am so confused- it’s not as if he’s saying and doing all this in a mean way or tone; he’s matter of fact! I went into this marriage very hopeful – but I realize now that I completely sold myself short. But I made this bed myself. I feel very lost and alone and confused – and embarrassed and vulnerable now that I am writing this for the world to see.

  17. My husband hasn’t touch me in six I dig and dig I find no signs of infidelity he has tried and just won’t work he keeps saying stress money bills that his mind is somewhere else I’m trying my best to be patient about it I get sick I break a leg and he won’t even ask me if I’m ok I cannot control my tears I’m hurt very hurt that he acts like I’m a statue I’m just nothing we have two adorable babies and we use to have sex nearly 5 times out of the week and now none I feel ugly fat unattractive what is it I’m going crazy just to imagine he can be cheating on me

  18. I have been married for 8 years and am pregnant with our third child. My husband doesnt care for me at all, when i touch him he moves far away from me. i confronted him and he told me he is tired. I went to his work and when he is there he is a different person, he will be laughing with the girls there. when i try to speak to him there is this girl who diverts his attention from me. When he comes from work he doesnt talk but read his newspaper and he watches tv up to even 2am. Early in the morning he reads his vehicle magazine and went to work. I am thinking of divorcing him, my life is just boring whilst he is enjoying himself. I can not live the rest of my life like this. I feel so lonely and hopeless. I just pray my pregnant is not affected.

  19. I have been married almost 15 years. We have 2 beautiful kids. This last year i have been plauged with severe mrsa infections. He wont hold me at all. I feel all alone and ashamed of my body.

  20. My husband and I have been married a little over 5 years. I’m 42 and my husband is 45. Over the past 4 years or so out marriage has struggled with my husband opening up and us becoming one. Shortly after we were married he stopped taking cialis and out sex life and intimacy decreased. He changed jobs a few months after we were married and started working longer hours as well. He has struggled with merging out life, like sharing thoughts, passwords for things, talking about what we spend and what we spend it on, etc. We are not struggling with fianinces, everything is ok there. We went to counseling for a year about 6 months ago. This only came about after giving my husband an ultimatum. The counseling was good and he has opened up more and shared more since then. He told the counselor he would go to the doctor and get checked out, this was a year ago. I told him a month ago That what I wanted for my birthday this year was him to go to the doctor and get checked out. I made him an appointment at a doctor but he said no he would make his own appointment with his doctor. He has not been to a doctor or dentist since we have been married and I have continued to ask him to. We have good Insurance. I also suspected he was smoking shortly after we were married, when he started this new job. He denied it. Over the years I could tell he was smoking more. Still he denied it. Even after finding a receipt for cigarettes and finding cigarettes he still denied it. After counseling he finally admitted he smoked occasionally. I think this along with low testosterone and maybe other health issues contributes to his low sex drive, no energy, moodiness, irratibilify, etc. His biological grandfather died at the age of 48 from a heart attack and this makes me concerned for his health. I’ve expressed this to him several times but it does no good.
    Our marriage is good except for the fact there is no intimacy at all. We take frequent vacations, but when we are not vacationing, he doesn’t like to socialize with others. We have no friend couples we hang with. He doesn’t like to be touched or touch me (foot rubs, back rubs, etc.), be seen naked or look at me naked, and we rarely have sex, and he struggles with full erections when we do. I weigh less now than when we got married and I always wear leingre to bed, so this is not the issue.
    Please help!!!!!! I’m at a loss of what to do! And I need friends and intimacy!!!!