Kate says . . .
3. Guard your heart! Proverbs 4:23
Wives who are in a sexless marriage are faced with sexual temptation. Women are no different then men in this regard. If your sexual needs are not being met in your marriage it is tempting to want to have them met elsewhere. Many women, who have contacted us express that they want other men to notice them. When they do, it makes them feel good. Some have shared of emotional affairs, online relationships, porn use and infidelity. They also share that they know these things are wrong, but are in need of what their hubby should be providing. As a wife who is sexually and emotionally thirsty you will need to guard your heart and your life, very carefully! Satan loves discord in marriage, especially where intimacy is concerned. He will use every avenue he can to bring more space between you and your hubby. Guarding your heart will be a battle, but with Jesus on your side it can be won.
As hard as it may be to keep praying and pouring our your heart to God, Keep doing so! The amount of loneliness, tears and spiritual dryness due to lack of a husband wanting sex is very real. Praying when you are dry and don’t want to, is hard yet one of the most essential times to keep praying. God has not left your side, He knows every ounce of pain you have gone through, He has felt every tear you have cried. He truly knows what it is like to feel alone and abandoned. Keep talking to him, no matter what. I have seen over and over that God blesses our obedience to Him and His word.
Is That All?
Frustrated voices have expressed: “There must be something more then, treat your hubby (or wife) as God requires, go to counseling and pray!” To those who feel this way, I wish there was a magic word that wives (and husbands) could use to make sex as wonderful as God intended. But every marriage is unique and there is no magic, quick fix. If there was, there would be no need for Jesus. These things listed in these last 2 posts may seem futile, just plain hopeless. I believe they are stepping-stones to healing. There is no magical word or pill that will fix the sexual intimacy problems in your marriage. It is going to take time, effort, heartache, tears, communication, prayer and guarding yourself against sexual temptation. These “tools” God has provided for us and we have them to use. Avoiding them because they are hard or underestimating these tools will only lead you to look for quick fix-answer. Focus on the things God has provided instead of the “quick fix” he has not.
If you are unsure of the next step to take, please contact us, we would love to talk to you one on one
. Wife or husband! Brad and I have a desire in our hearts to see all marriages restored to God’s plan for them. We all have sinned and fall short and that includes in our marriages. But it is whether or not we choose to stay stuck in disobedience, that will determine where your marriage heads.
Resources for wives:
An amazing resource to learning more about men’s sexual issues and low desire is our friends Paul
at The Marriage Bed
. There are lots of very positive information and it is always the first place we send people. Go and spend some time on their site, you won’t be sorry you did. Here are a few articles that deal specifically with low desire husbands:
Another resource for wives is a book: The Sex-Starved Wife
(affiliate links). I will warn it is not written from a Christian perspective, but is very thorough and well thought out. The author, Michelle Weiner Davis also wrote Divorce Busting
and The Sex Starved Marriage
. Davis goes through all of the possible reasons for your hubby’s low sex drive. She did her own study through woman who read Redbook, and her statistics, though not “hard scientific research” shout out, that you wives, are not alone! That is something you just need to hear sometimes! Check it out!
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