The Imposter Wife

Kate says:

Back when I was in high school God called me into one of the most unique, amazing, ever-changing ministries, Youth Ministry.  I did full time youth ministry until our son was 2 and then made the switch to being a stay at home mom.  While working with youth, I learned so much and still have such a heart for teens. I am a big fan of speaker/author Brennan Manning.  Brad talked about his book, Abba’s Child in his post, “Sacrificing Our One Flesh”.  Manning rewrote Abba’s Child for teens calling it, “Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes”.  A book every teen and parent should read.  God placed this amazing book on my heart again recently and I reflected on how its concepts impact marriage.

Manning talks about how we all have an “imposter” within us.  The imposter wants very much to run the show, to be selfish, to act irrationally and to prove that we are good enough to sit at Christ’s feet.  We as wives and humans in general can resonate with this.  This imposter is different for each of us wives, it feeds on our weaknesses, it is either a “poser” a “faker” or a “wannabe”.  It knows where to hit us hardest.  So which one are you?  Which do you struggle with, being a poser wife, a faker wife or a wannabe wife?

The Poser Wife:

  • Poser: a person who habitually pretends to be something he is not.

A poser wife is the wife who’s outside shows a fantastic life and marriage.  They work hard to say all the right things to display the perfect life and have the perfect looking marriage. This is more then letting others believe your marriage is good, this is actively performing and purposefully displaying a marriage in one light, when it is clearly another. It is like a game of adult dress up. In public you, put on the right clothes and say the right lines, kiss your hubby at the right times, all so in hopes that the world will believe your performance.

The Faker Wife:

  • Faker: one who fakes something.

A faker wife is the wife who doesn’t specifically flaunt that her marriage as more then it is, but certainly allows people to believe it is good.  She has conversations with her girl friends, that aren’t real. She joins in with the crowd and lets everyone believe that her marriage is as wonderful as the day she was married.

The Wannabe Wife:

  • Wannabe: one who imitates the behavior, customs, or dress of an admired person or group.

The wannabe wife is the wife who looks around her to see other marriages that appear good and adopts all that they do. If they are reading a certain book, going to a certain seminar, wearing certain clothes, showing affection in a certain way to their hubby’s, then they do these things too.  All in hopes of having what the other wife has in her marriage.

All of these wives are living a lie.

They are portraying a life and marriage that does not exist. More importantly they are putting their time and energy into pretending instead of using their God given energy to be a real change in their marriage. They are feeding the imposter instead of starving him out.

I have struggled with all of these imposters at one time or another in my marriage.  The one I most resonate with is the Faker. I do not struggle with this anymore, being real is my motto now, but in the first 5 years of our marriage, I really struggled with the faking imposter. I needed everyone to believe that I had a good marriage.  Believe that the man I fell in love with was still madly in love with me and I with him.  I wanted everyone to think that we had a great sex life and great communication.  All the time much of that was crumbling in our marriage.

When God worked in me as a wife, I new I needed to put our marriage in God’s hands, regardless of its current state. Too many times I let the imposter kept our marriage in my own hands and tried to fix it under my own power. I worked hard to drive out the Faker imposter, but never could seem to get him far enough away to make any progress. As Manning says in his book, you need to go to Jesus and let Him help you silence the imposter, whether it be a Poser, a Faker, or a Wannabe!

Search your heart today; which imposter do you struggle with in your life and in your marriage?  Go to Jesus and ask for His help to silence the imposter. All of Brennan Manning’s books are amazing, but if you know you are struggling with your own imposter, I would encourage you to read either Abba’s Childor Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes!  Not only will you be able to draw closer to God understanding how much he loves you, but you will be able to see how your imposter is making an impact on your marriage as well.

The Posers, Faker and Wannabe’s have no place in our marriage.  They will drive out all that is good and all that God wants!  Lay your Poser, Faker or Wannabe at Jesus’ feet today!  He wants very much to guide you on your one flesh journey.

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4 Responses to The Imposter Wife

  1. Yes! Yes! Yes! We have all struggled with those. I too was always wanting it to look like we had it “all” together when in fact we were struggling and I was hurting. Transparency is my moto now and God has really used that to allow us to work in other couples lives and for others to help us grow and mature as well. Love this post! Posers no more! Authentic wives unite and we can change our marriages, our families and impact the world for Christ! Yahoooo!

    • Hi Christy and thanks for your words of encouragement as well as for sharing your own story!  I know that God will bless you richly as you strive to be an authenic wife!  Love it!  Blessings to you and your hubby!  Kate