Kate’s post “It Will Make You Feel Good” challenged wives with 5 specific steps they should take if they were finding that sex was not enjoyable. These are all very important steps that any wife who wants to increase their sexual enjoyment should try for themselves. Husbands on the other hand need a completely different approach if they are to encourage an unsatisfied wife to try to enjoy sex more. Unfortunately, many wives who struggle with sexual satisfaction will never read Kate’s great post. Why? Because they are not interested in changing anything. They have made a decision that all the talk about great sex was just hype, and if it were up to them they could live without it for the rest of their lives, not because they have low libido, which we have discussed on numerous other posts, but simply because they don’t enjoy it.
It’s Your Job
Your wife’s sexual enjoyment is your responsibility. Yes, you heard that right her sexual enjoyment is your responsibility. She plays a role, OF COURSE! But your communication, intentions, techniques, and interactions will have a significant impact on her sexual pleasure.
It seems like almost every post we are writing about how communicating is a key to some aspect in marriage. This is no exception. If you can not talk about sexual enjoyment then you will not achieve your sexual potential! You must know what positions bring her the most pleasure, what foreplay she enjoys, and dislikes. I’ve seen guys who get stuck in a sexual rut because their wife groaned once when he did a specific move. They hear this as definitive that she liked something so they repeat it over and over hoping to hear that sound again. Moans and groans are not the communication I’m talking about here. I’m talking about an actual conversation with words.
If your wife is to find enjoyment in sex then she needs to know going in to it that she will have the same outcome that you expect. Guys start sex knowing that they will eventually orgasm. Your wife needs to know the same thing. As Kate said the “quickie” has its place in a healthy marriage, but there should be no question that you are excitedly willing to take all the time required to make her orgasm too!
Starting with the best of intentions is great, but it needs to be followed up with techniques to make this come true. We have heard plenty of stories of women married for many years who have never experienced orgasm. It goes without saying that their sexual enjoyment increased dramatically when they learned how. As I discussed in, “Search of The Missing Big O” your wife’s orgasm often takes more then just vaginal stimulation. If this is a foreign concept to you then I highly suggest following that link, and reading up on your wife’s orgasm!
While Oooo’s, Ahhhhh’s and groans are not the communication I was talking about earlier, they are important to the process. The interactions you have during sex are very important to both of your sexual enjoyment. These include the encouraging “happy” sounds you make, but also the loving terms of endearment you use. If your sexual interactions are traditionally silent then you might need to start slow in this area. Whisper a few sweet nothings into your wife’s ear while you are following through on your intentions with your new techniques. Once these become more regular expand your interactions with the focus of telling her in the moment that you enjoy her, love her, and find her beautiful.
Will these four things turn your wife into a sexually fulfilled and confident wife overnight? No, but if you faithfully implement all of them you might discover her willingness to read Kate’s suggestions increases. Put the two together and I think you will be well on the way to a new level of sexual enjoyment.