What Were You Thinking?

Kate says . . .

Brad and I were out together recently and I observed a wife, chastising her husband like she would a child.  I immediately cringed inside, thinking, “wow that must make him feel very small and embarrassed”.  At the same time it was a good reminder how we should treat our hubby’s in public and in general.

Can you possibly relate to this?  I think back to the beginning years of our marriage and am certain there were times I treated my hubby in public with less respect then he deserves.  In fact not to long ago, I was helping my hubby out with something at his work with my photography business.  So it was Brad at work as well as me doing my work.  Not to mention our kids were the “models” for the pictures.  Our kids, as always, were super excited to be helping.  You know, the jumping off the walls kind of excited.  Brad started to step in and be the parent as well as the leader at work.  I immediately interjected and asserted my authority to take over the situation from a photographers point of view.  This is nothing new, I have to do it all the time while I am at sittings.  But as soon as I snapped everyone’s attention towards me, I realized what I had done to Brad, as a dad and as the leader of his work.  I new immediately that I had stepped over a line and wished very much that I could go back and do things differently.  Afterwards, I approached Brad about the situation and we talked it over.  I apologized and asked him to forgive me.  I also acknowledged how I imagined it must have made him feel.  He was very understanding and sweet, but also appreciated me being aware.

To our hubby, respect is their main way of feeling loved by us.  I believe that is magnified when we are in public (especially at work), in front of their peers, in front of those above them as well as those underneath them.  Anytime others are present with us, there is a need for your hubby to feel your unwavering respect.  So how can we achieve this so that our hubby can know how proud we are of them and how much we believe in them?  Give these a try.

Stand by his side!

Be a strong presence with your hubby when you are out in public.  Stand by your man and smile.  Show all of the others in the room that you believe in your husband and that you are proud to be by his side.  There is nothing I love doing more then standing next to Brad at his events and meeting all the people he chats with.  He is amazing at remembering people and I love to see him interact.  When the occasion is less formal, I love to enjoy conversations with others with him.  It is my hope to add to the person that Brad is, since we are One Flesh and I want to work very hard not to detract from the amazing person God has created Brad to be.

Whisper in His Ear!

There will be those times that you are out and your hubby is forgetting to greet someone or doesn’t see something.  Find a moment alone to whisper in his ear what he is missing.  Too many times we see the oversight and want to point it out, as we might to our children.  But while our hubby’s need our help, they don’t need to feel belittled.  The emphasis should be on the positive and helping them, not on negative and correcting them.

Lift Him Up!

When you are interacting with others, be sure to talk about your hubby in a generous and positive light.  Be encouraging of him and all that he does.  It is so easy to be in a group of couples and to lighten up the mood, by poking fun at your hubby.  Perhaps it really was a funny story, but it may not make your hubby laugh inside when you share it with everyone in the group.  Even if it was told in good fun.  Remember you are his biggest fan!  Show him that is true!  I truly look forward to letting my love and respect for Brad seep through me in my words and body language.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that you be fake in any way.  It is my hope that these things above will display your true feelings for your hubby.  If you struggle in this area, I encourage you to try these ideas regardless.  Find the things about your hubby that make you proud and share them with those around you.   I think your hubby will light up inside to hear you praise him, proudly stand by him and help him when he is missing something.

When we don’t lift our hubby’s up and show them respect, it truly does tear at their self-confidence.  Beware of high stress and pressure situations.  I believe that is where I made my mistake when we were doing our photo shoot for Brad’s work.  I did not prepare mentally for the clash of different relationships present.  I definitely learned my lesson and will prepare better in the future.  If you are going somewhere together, try to think through the potentials of the situation before hand.  Pray over them.

I would love to hear if you wives have other suggestions of how we can lift our hubby’s up in public!  And for your husbands out there, we wives would love to hear what really makes you feel cherished and respected while out in public by your wife.  Share your thoughts in our comment section below.  We can all learn and adapt new ideas from each other.

Proverbs 18:21  “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” (msg)

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3 Responses to What Were You Thinking?

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    Brad & Kate