3 Spices Every Husband Needs in the Bedroom – 2011 Countdown

We hope that all of you are having a blessed Christmas season!  In order to help us focus our time on our marriage and family we have decided to end the year with a recap of our top 10 favorite posts of 2011.  If you didn’t see them the first time around this will be a great way to catch up on some of our older posts!  Check back every day to find out which ones made our list!  And don’t worry we’ll be back first thing in 2012 with brand new One Flesh Marriage tips!

Kate says . . . (Originally posted April 21, 2011)

There is always a lot to be said about the big O! Just for the record, ladies we are not talking about Oprah! The wonderful blessing that God has created in the orgasm is amazing as well as mysterious! But I think this reality tends to only label the wife’s orgasm. Even though our hubby’s may seem pretty “easy” to please, they too ought to have our time and attention where their pleasure and orgasms are concerned! Just as we want their time, touch and trust as Brad so poignantly put in his post, Search for the Missing Big O!

It is easy in some ways for us as wives to lay down and take one for the team! Our hubby’s want sexual intimacy with us and we are just not up for it! We have discussed this issue many times and I think any wife can resonate with this feeling at one time or another in their marriage! So we lay down, make a little effort and soon enough the desired result is achieved! While this may be “functional” it is not the special connection God designed sexual intimacy and orgasm to be! So how do we keep things from getting to this point in our marriage? There are many emotional and spiritual things to work on, but today I want to talk about the physical! The things we actually “do” in the bedroom!

Change things up a bit!

Not to long ago on Twitter, The Pure Bed tweeted a saying, “The missionary position is not the official position of the church!” Brad and I had a good laugh together, while lying in bed reading that! Seriously though, sex and foreplay – experiencing pleasure together, hopefully leading to orgasm is not supposed to be the same old thing all the time! How would you like to eat the same meal, every day, 3x a day! There is a blessing in the fact that you are fed, everyday, but pretty soon the food would start to taste bland! Hence why many people use the phrase “spice up your sex life”! We wives need to have the mindset that sex is an adventure! An adventure where you can try new things and be open to what pleases your hubby as well as you! I can guarantee that your hubby will like it if you are changing things up a bit.

So, “how do we spice it up?”

Well this can be in the realm of anything leading to orgasm:   location of sex, what you are wearing or not wearing, positions, touch, lights on or off, sexual banter leading up to sex, etc! The multitude of ideas are endless! Never stop thinking of ways to keep your sex life, fresh, alive, new, fun and inviting! Your hubby will find it amazing and the building up to his orgasm (and yours as well) will be greatly effected!

Learn about your hubby’s sexual body!

I use the term “sexual body” instead of just penis, because there is so much more a man enjoys leading up to orgasm. And while his penis is at the center of things (pun intended) it is not the only thing that needs time and attention! Not sure how to learn more about your hubby’s sexual body? READ!! Learn more about the physical side of your hubby and what makes a man feel great pleasure. A great resource, one of our favorite’s is Paul and Lori Byerly’s (otherwise knows as The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife), The Marriage Bed! Paul and Lori just guest blogged for us in the 5 Questions 5 Bloggers series.  Their website, The Marriage Bed is an amazing and safe place to explore more about your hubby and what makes him feel good! No, what makes him feel GREAT! And that is what it is about . . . not just feeling good, but going beyond that and loving your husband physically and emotionally until he feels “beyond words”! As Paul Byerly has said, “Once you experience what God intended sex to be, you don’t forget it! It’s more then just a good feeling between your legs, it’s an experience that fills and thrills you in every corner of your being-including some parts you did not know existed.” I love this quote and have referenced it before. Paul is right, we want our hubby’s to not just “have an orgasm”, we want them (and ourselves) to feel something so amazing that words cannot accurately describe it!

Do you know how to bring your hubby this kind of pleasure every time you have sex? Does this sound daunting and hard to accomplish? If you take some time to learn about your hubby’s sexual body, how God designed his body to respond, how God designed his mind to work and think about you as his wife and lover, then you will have many of the tools you need! These tools, along with variety can be amazing and a blessing to your marriage bed! After all wives, we want our hubby to learn all about our bodies so they can bring us to climax. We want them to learn about how God created a need in us for slow romantic love-making! Right?? I know I do! So become a student yourself and learn about your hubby! But don’t stop at becoming a student . . . become a scholar and expert in the area of your hubby’s body and pleasure!

Reading up and studying will be a great tool, but you are not quite done there! You need field experience! You need to try the things you have learned about your hubby’s body and pleasure! To be a true student of your hubby, you must put your new knowledge into practice and then communicate with him! Ask him if he likes what you are doing, ask him to show you what feels good. Do not be offended if something does not appeal to him, just try something else! Or ask him, how it might feel better! Once you start the open lines of communication while you are being adventurous, your hubby will feel open to share what things he loves most and what feels good! But I KNOW he will love that you, his beloved, his lover is trying new things to bring him great pleasure leading up to and including his orgasm!

And lastly ladies, but certainly not least is SHOW HIM YOUR PLEASURE!! I have touched on this before, but our hubby’s find it incredibly stimulating when we show them how much foreplay and sex feel good to us! I am not talking about “making all the right noises”, because really ladies, our hubby’s see right through all that! So if you are thinking that you are fooling him, I assure you, you are not! I am talking of the authentic expressions of pleasure you are feeling. They are very much welcomed by your hubby! If fact he wants them and needs them to feel amazing during orgasm! This does not mean that you both need to orgasm together, it simply means that he wants to know you are feeling good. That you too want to be there! That you find him very sex and stimulating! That how he touches you and caresses you and has studied your body is making you feel the one pleasure, that ONLY HE can bring you! That he and he alone, rocks your world sexually! God created that pleasure solely for you and your hubby. Your expression of pleasure and arousal is one of the greatest stimulants for your hubby! I have no doubt he will show you how much!

I am hoping that you will never think about your hubby’s pleasure, climax and orgasm in the same way again! Take some time to learn about your hubby and think of new ways to excite him! You have been given a very special gift that no one else is allowed to have. Your hubby! You are not only allowed, but encouraged to share with you hubby something you cannot share with anyone else! Sexual intimacy! Enjoy your hubby, let him enjoy you and have fun exploring each other!

Be sure to check back tomorrow to read our next 2011 countdown favorite post!

 

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