Sex is the Glue – 2011 Countdown

Sex is the glue in marriage

We hope that all of you are having a blessed Christmas season!  In order to help us focus our time on our marriage and family we have decided to end the year with a recap of our top 10 favorite posts of 2011.  If you didn’t see them the first time around this will be a great way to catch up on some of our older posts!  Check back every day to find out which ones made our list!  And don’t worry we’ll be back first thing in 2012 with brand new One Flesh Marriage tips!

Kate says . . . (originally posted Nov 15, 2011)

Its been said, “sex is the glue in our marriage.”  I am not talking about the sticky situation that sex literally causes, but the emotional, physical and spiritual glue that sex is.  This phrase strikes a chord with many people and yet confuses them at the same time.  They want to believe it is true, but they have not experienced sex being the glue in their own marriage.

How can sex be the glue when it also seems to be the biggest tension?  I think that most people hope and pray that they will get to a place where sex is the glue in their marriage.  This is not to say that sex, sex and more sex is all you need in your marriage.  But it is one very special part of your marriage relationship that you cannot share with anyone else.  God has designed it that way, just for the growth, joy, pleasure and benefit of your marriage.

Our friend Scott  has an amazing blog, Journey to Surrender.  In a recent post “Does Surrender Mean Losing Yourself?”  Scott shared:

“The goal is for them both (husband and wife) to see sex as the glue that holds their marriage together for the long haul, as something that can energize them both as individuals, and for them to realize that sex is an arena where giving your body to your spouse for their pleasure is truly a delightful and unique privilege of married life.”

As we walk through life with our hubby by our side, we experience many things.  We go through times of joy and times of great sadness.  We have times of stress and times of flying high as a kite.  In all of these experiences sexual intimacy can be shared all while creating a bond like no other.

I think back to our story and remember how God used sex as a glue for Brad and I while we were caring for my uncle.  At night when all was quiet, I would fall into the arms of my hubby and we could connect in an amazingly special way.  When life is stressful at work for Brad (and he truly loves his job) he can come home and find a safe place to relax and unwind with me.  When something amazing happens in our lives, we can celebrate together in the sweetest, most inexpensive way!  Sex can truly be the glue if you allow it to.

How can you open up and allow for this glue to adhere to you both?

Make Yourself Available

Whether this means physically or emotionally or both, find a way to place yourself in the path of your hubby.  Sex will fall by the wayside if you do not intentionally make it a priority.  Remember also that many times while sex is the glue, your hubby may want to open up and share about the things going on in his life.  This could happen before you share intimate time together or after.  Sex is not a substitute for talking, sharing and processing.  Those things still need to happen, but sex molds us to one another and brings us to a safe place, where we can be vulnerable.  Where we can be emotionally naked and unashamed.

Make it A Stress Reliever and Celebratory Dance

I believe that God blessed us with sex in marriage for many amazing reasons.  Today we live in an over stimulated society.  Many times when we have stress or are even super excited about life, we tend to turn to other things to meet our needs.  Sex can meet those needs in a way that will bring growth to your one flesh journey.  Once sex becomes the glue for you, you will find that you want to turn to your hubby in these times.  That you look forward to falling into his strong arms.  Even in times of tremendous grief and sadness, sex can be a special blessing in those times.

Make it A Special privilege

All of us love to have special privileges.  To have a VIP pass to an event, to meet someone that is normally off-limits to us normal people.  Sex is the VIP pass to all us who are married.  As Scott says it is a “unique privilege of married life.”  I am not sure how much we truly grasp this concept.  Sure we understand that we are not supposed to share sex with anyone other than our hubby.  But if you turn that around and look at sex as the gift God created just for you and your hubby.  If you acknowledge that God created sex, not only for procreation of children, but also for a connection, physically, emotionally and spiritually like no other.  No girl friend, not even the best can share with you in the way your hubby can.  Trying to wrap my brain around that is not easy, but I am constantly filled with joy and astonishment when I think through those lenses about what God has created in sexual intimacy.

 

How can you cultivate your relationship so that sex is the glue in your marriage?

What other ways have you been able to nurture your marriage with sex?

I would love to hear from other wives, your thoughts on “sex as the glue!”

Leave us a comment and be sure to check back tomorrow for another of our 2011 countdown!  You can see all of our 2011 Countdown posts here

10 Responses to Sex is the Glue – 2011 Countdown
  1. Evan
    December 24, 2011 | 10:05 pm

    I am sure we all wonder sometimes, how sex can be the “bonding” glue, instead of the sticky mess we see. But I like to think of it like this; if you are using a poor glue, it won’t make a strong bond. We must work at using the best glue we can find; ie, make it good sex, not just sex.

    • One Flesh Marriage
      December 30, 2011 | 4:53 pm

      Hi Evan! Great analogy! Thanks you for sharing and you are so spot on! Blessings, Kate and Brad

  2. […] Sex will fall by the wayside if you do not intentionally make it a priority. One Flesh Marriage, Sex is the Glue 17. You don’t need a lot of money to plan an off-the-charts sexual experience with the man you […]

  3. Matt
    March 22, 2012 | 6:27 pm

    I wholeheartedly agree that sex should be a celebration.

  4. JoJo
    April 25, 2012 | 1:39 pm

    AMEN EVAN!!

  5. Anonymous!
    May 16, 2012 | 4:49 am

    Wonderful post, i liked ths part”its the most inexpensive way to celebrate after sth nice has taken place in our lives! “

  6. Dean Jackson
    July 22, 2012 | 7:52 am

    I am preparing for the Sunday School class I teach and stumbled across your website. It is very refreshing. I have become passioninate about bringing conversation about sex in marriage into open discussion. As many others have observed, God is not embarrassed about sex. It was His idea. The church has become very uncomfortable with the topic and the world has taken ownership of sex and has perverted it. The church needs to reclaim it and restore it to its position of wholesomeness it was intended to be by our Creator God.

    • Kate
      July 23, 2012 | 2:50 pm

      Hi Dean! YES!!! We need to be talking marriage and specifically sex in our churches. Church needs to be the university and the hospital for marriages. We should be and need to be the place to offer marriages sound biblical and experiencial help! So glad you are joining us in this. We too have a passion for seeing churches grow their marriage ministries. We pray for our own church in this and hope for a world wide revolution! Blessings to you as you embark on this journey! It is much needed and I cannot wait to see what God does with it! Kate

      • tigress
        September 30, 2013 | 11:39 pm

        Thank you!!

  7. Comfortable vs. Happy vs. Love « smittenwithhim
    September 20, 2012 | 10:08 am

    […] but different.  Enlightening, but definitely way more “god talk” than I like.  http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2011/12/sex-glue-2011-countdown.html Maybe I should have the husband read that […]

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