Sexually Confident Wife – 2011 Countdown

We hope that all of you are having a blessed Christmas season!  In order to help us focus our time on our marriage and family we have decided to end the year with a recap of our top 10 favorite posts of 2011.  If you didn’t see them the first time around this will be a great way to catch up on some of our older posts!  Check back every day to find out which ones made our list!  And don’t worry we’ll be back first thing in 2012 with brand new One Flesh Marriage tips!

Kate says . . . (originally published July 15, 2011)

I have recently finished reading one of the most amazing books out there for married women. The Sexually Confident Wife, By Shannon Ethridge.  It is in my opinion, a must read for all wives out there. Not only did I learn a few things myself, I was very encouraged to find a book that I kept saying, “Yes, that is so right on!” I want to share with all of the wives about this wonderful book and the concept of being or becoming a sexually confident wife.

So what is a sexually confident wife, exactly? And do I really want to be one?

Shannon Ethridge paints a wonderful picture of a wife who loves who she is, loves her sexuality and her body that God created. All of this love and confidence seeps through her being. Her lucky husband is the benefactor of all this confidence coming out of her.

What a sexually confident wife is NOT:

Ethridge states very clearly for us where we should not look for our confidence.

“It’s not about having a great body or obsessing over getting one. It’s not about fitting the ‘young, hot’ stereotypical mold. It’s not about being his sexual rag doll, doormat, or vending machine. It’s not about killing your conscience and being willing to do anything and everything to sexually satisfy someone else. It’s simply not about becoming someone you aren’t.” Page 8

Can I get an Amen!

Wow, I think Ethridge has hit on all of the things us wives tend to turn to when searching for our confidence. We think these “things” and the world’s standards will bring us to a place of contentment and peace where our confidence is concerned. Though Ethridge talks a great deal about sexual confidence, she also talks about other areas of our life as well. It is hard to be a sexual confident wife, if you are not a confident wife in general or a confident person. Do you like who you are? Do you embrace who God created you to be and love being in your own skin? We usually use the world’s standard to answer these questions and for many of us, we fail the test every time!

What a sexually confident wife IS:

“It’s about becoming who you really are, and humans are naturally sexual beings.” Page 8

“As a sexually confident wife, you will learn to love your body and feel beautiful in your own skin. You’ll be content with being the best ________ you can be (fill in the blank with your own first and last names) and not feel the need to compare yourself or your husband to anyone else. You’ll come to believe wholeheartedly that your husband finds you incredibly desirable. You’ll be able to openly communicate what you find pleasurable, as well as what is beyond your personal boundaries. You will feel great about what you have to offer your husband, and will be able to relax and freely enjoy all that he has to offer you.” Page 8

“Sexual confidence isn’t just for the supermodel or porn star. It is the birthright of every woman, and the deep desire of every husband for his wife.” (Page 13, emphasis added)

Well again I say, Amen and wow! Can you see how fired up and excited I was to read Shannon’s thoughts? But I am thinking these quotes may be scaring the whit’s out of you right about now. While that may be true, but when you get to a place where you can wholeheartedly agree with what Shannon says here, you will truly love being a sexual creature, created to share this most amazing special bond with your hubby.

So how does one get from NOT to IS?

Shannon talks about several roadblocks that may be keeping you from becoming a confident person, wife and lover. Things such as, lies about sexuality you were brought up believing, lies our culture sells you everyday, and sexual abuse. Once you have identified what your stumbling blocks are, you can see the pattern, identify the triggers (that make you feel like less than you are) and work to keep those things out of your life.

After you have identified and cast aside the things hindering you, you are free to explore your sexuality with your hubby. You are free to embrace who God created you to be as a wife with confidence, especially in the area of sex.

Shannon also addresses the important issue of boundaries in sexual confidence. Just because there are many things that are acceptable, does not mean that they are all right for you and your hubby. On the other hand, just because something is new and different, does not mean it is wrong or off-limits. Exploring things together that are mutually decided upon is a good thing and can bring closeness and pleasure. If one of the two of you, decides something is just not within your boundaries, then the other spouse must yield and respect that boundary. All of this is very important to identifying and enjoying sexual confidence.

Being a sexually confident wife does not mean that you have to act like a porn star and do all kinds of crazy stuff to pleasure your husband. The reality is that your hubby really wants YOU in the bedroom with him, not some fake-made up person. He wants to bring you pleasure and to see you feeling sexually confident!

This book was recommended to me by a friend and when I purchased it, Brad and I began to talk about it. There were many times that I read him a section and asked him what he thought. We commonly do this with books, but it was really fun to see what he thought. Sexual communication is so important, a lifeline to your marriage and it can lead to sex itself. Brad likes to joke, that any husband would be ecstatic to see his wife reading this book. We commonly share this when we speak or teach a marriage classes, and while it gets a good laugh every time, you can tell by the husbands faces that they all agree.

With every book we read, there are always things that we may not agree with, or are just not for us. While for me, I did not find much in this book to disagree with, you may and that is ok. Just don’t throw the whole thing away because of a few things that don’t fit you and your sexual confidence. Be encouraged, be challenged and take from it what God lays on your heart.

Wives our husbands DEEPLY desire for us to become confident women and sexually confident wives. Their desire is for us and we need to realize that and relish in it. What is stopping you from becoming a sexually confident wife today? I encourage all you wives to pick up a copy of this amazing book today and start embracing the wife God created you to be. Don’t give up if you feel challenged. Don’t give up if you find something that just doesn’t fit you (and your hubby). Make a commitment to read the book and challenge yourself to become a sexually confident wife. Pray and ask God for His help as you read! “It is your birthright.” What an awesome thought.

I am proud to say that I am a sexually confident wife. That I love who I am and am very happy in my skin. This does not mean that I have never struggled. You all know our story and sexual confidence was not always a part of it. It also does not mean that I will never struggle again, but it does mean that those moments will be fleeting and they will hold little merit in my life. I love my husband and I am committed to sharing my sexual confidence with him. It is a gift that only I can give him and he loves to receive. What a blessing. I want that blessing for all of you too! It is my deep desire to see a revolution among women today, who reclaim their sexual confidence and allow their hubby’s to bask in their sexuality!

Are you a sexual confident wife?

Have you read Shannon’s amazing book?

If so share with us your thoughts! If not, take a moment and pick a copy up today!
Also be sure to check out Brad’s reply post, “Turn or Burn to Sexual Confidence” directed to husbands interested in checking out this great book.

Be sure to check out all of the  2011 Countdown posts here, and check back tomorrow to see what make our list as #2

(Visited 148 times, 1 visits today)

7 Responses to Sexually Confident Wife – 2011 Countdown

    • Hi Kathryn! So excited you are adding it to your must read list. It is an amazing book and I have been blessed by it greatly. Even though I consider myself (now) as sexually confident wife, it gave me some new things to think on. Thanks for stopping by!
      Blessings, Kate

  1. Do you think it is possible for a man to lose his confidence over time? I dont want to sound like I am whining but I feel a great deal less than confident with my wife after 34 years of marriage. My wife was a virgin when we married and still has the good girl image. She is a very sweet, kind and loving wife. I feel like a pig when I think of the past when I asked to try new things in the bedroom. She has a very small comfort zone and I seem to be a nuisance when I ask her to step outside of it. I would like to try new positions, other locations and possibly toys (within reason); just something to keep the fires burning. I am not trying to blame her reaction to my desires but it does wear away at my sexual being and confidence. I love to please her and it is orally since I have ED ( my counselor thinks it is psychological). She has tried numerous times to arouse and please me orally but those thoughts keep flashing back in my head. It’s not a pleasurable experience as God wants us to have. Thanks for listening.

    • Hi Eammon! Thanks for writing and sharing! I do think that over the years, if you are turned down because you wife is uncomfortable, you confidence will lessen! It is a very complicated web we weave in marriage. While you were just trying to keep things fun, it was hard for you wife and pushed away her confidence. Her rejection of your ideas felt like a rejection of you! So her rejection pushed away your confidence! We too expereinced this in our marriage, though over much different circumstances. It took much time, understanding, love, patience and forgiveness before we were restored. The best thing I would recommend is two fold. Couples couseling so that you can talk through and work through the past hurts. Knowing that you both know what the other was feeling back then and many times still is, is vital to moving on and healing. I would also encourgage you to love your wife and serve her as in Ephesians 5! Put her needs before you own. Love her and serve her. God has commanded each of as husband and wife. We cannot change our spouse, but we can do as God commands. I believe there will be blessings on your marriage with your obedience to His word. Know that you are not alone, there are many marriages that are hurting, just like yours. We were one of them! Know that there is great hope and healing in God’s plan for marriage! No chasm in too big that God can’t cross it! Know that we are praying for you and your wife! Please feel free to contact us anytime with further comments or questions! Blessings to you and your wife! Brad and Kate