10 Day Challenge Pre-Game Rules

Brad says….

The big game is coming quickly, next Sunday February 5th will be the kick off for an awesome event!  No, I’m not talking about the Super Bowl, I’m talking about the 10 Day Challenge. Trust me guys our event will be much much more fun!  If you don’t know about the challenge check out all the info on our post, Return of the 10 Day Challenge; For the rest of you, it is time to talk over a few “pre-game”** rules.

The 10 Day Challenge can be tons of fun and a great way for married couples to bring a little spice into their sex life.  However, in order  for the 10 day challenge to be positive and not drive a wedge between you and your wife, you need to follow the rules of the game!

Rule 1:  Keep It Clean

Sex is about intimacy, it is special and beautiful. Our culture has managed to pollute its intended beauty and show some pretty ugly sides of sex. Sometimes, especially when we are frustrated in this area, we can slip into using rather crude methods to talk about and ask for sex. Guys when you are talking with your wife during the 10 day challenge think about how your words are going to impact her.  Do they leave her feeling special and cherished, or do they leave her feeling used?

Words have far greater power then we usually give them credit for! I’m all for sexual comments as foreplay, just make sure that they are mutually appreciated and uplifting.  The crude talk will just leave you on the sidelines!

When you are in the “throes” of passion remember that words might roll off your tongue without a lot of thought, but your wife will hear those words and they will make a great impact!  I  am pretty sure these were the words that Solomon was talking about when he said, “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble”. (Proverbs 21:23 NLT)

Rule 2: Know the Playbook

Every marriage has developed a sexual playbook. These are the things that normally happen during sex; the  types, positions, places and times that you are comfortable with.  While I’m guessing you know what is in the playbook, do you know what your wife’s favorite plays are?

All too often couples don’t talk about what they enjoy in their sex life. Sex is pleasurable.  We enjoy it, but our pleasure is greatly enhanced when we are able to increase our wife’s pleasure too!  Let her know that bringing her pleasure is part of the joy of sex, then humbly ask her what she likes about sex.  Don’t just ask the basics, ask for details:

  • How does she best relax and gets mentally prepared for sex?  (I know this is a foreign concept to guys, but this is a real thing for your wife)
  • What type of foreplay does she enjoy most?
  • How much foreplay works best for her on most days?
  • What positions are her favorites, and why?
  • What positions are her least favorite?
  • How does she like her climax to happen, and what have I done in the past to make it better?

Start a conversation and be prepared to listen and to carry out some new plays.

Flag on the field:  I’ve heard some wives complain that their husband uses the same technique over and over again every time they have sex because he discovered that she enjoyed it, once. Guys, your wife like variety too, so expect her to not want the same thing over and over. Talk together about what is working and isn’t working today, this isn’t a one time conversation!  Teams don’t only read the playbook in the preseason, they check it out before and after every game!

Rule 3: Review New Plays First

Are you interested in adding a new page to your playbook?  This is not necessarily a bad thing, new positions, ideas, outfits, toys, and techniques can be fun for both of you.  However there are a few basic things to consider before trying out a new play:

Be specific: All too often men ask for some variety in their sex life  by simply telling their wives they want to try something different, then tell her to figure out what “different” is. That doesn’t work guys. If you want something new then you need to be the one with ideas, or at least have an idea of where to explore together for new ideas.

Not all ideas are good ideas:  I can guarantee that you will not see a linebacker lining up to kick a field goal next week.  Why, because if that was even suggested the coach would laugh him off the field.  If your idea would be something completely different then you or your wife has ever done before then it is a cause for patience and grace.  You can bring up these ideas if you feel they are important and will add to your relationship; but make sure to give her time to talk about and contemplate any new ideas!

Communication is the key: Want to try something new, suggest it while you still have clothes on!  Do not spring new ideas, techniques, toys or positions on your wife during sex!  Talk about it together, then listen before you take any next steps.

I hope that all of you are looking forward to the 10 Day Challenge!  We have some great posts planned and some fabulous giveaways too! It all starts officially Sunday February 5th, but join us all week for great pre-game posts!

(**Please forgive the football references, I know that sexual intimacy in marriage is in no way a game, but the metaphor was just so easy since the Super Bowl happens to be the same night that our 10 Day Challenge starts)

Do you have any other Rules we should add?

Are you going to be joining us for the Challenge?

Let us know in the comments!

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14 Responses to 10 Day Challenge Pre-Game Rules

  1. What are the options if we are not going to be together during the 10 day challenge?
    My husband goes to school full time and works full time, we live an hour from both so to save on gas and for him to get enough sleep, he is away from home 3 days a week.

    • Hi Lynn! Hmmm . . . perhaps to have sex 10 days in a row that you will see each other. The challenge is more about focus on one another and growing your intimacy, then it is about the 10 days in a row. Make a priority to be together 10 days consecutively and see how God works through that time of prioritizing. There are many others who have expressed that their circumstances will not allow 10 days in a row, so you are not alone out there! We will be praying for you as you focus on one another! Blessings, Kate

    • Hi David! Thanks for sharing this resource. We wanted to further share that this resource comes from the Pure Bed and is a free resource. We also wanted to let couples know that it is a great tool for talking about what your likes and dislikes are. It is very detailed oriented with terms and techniques! Just wanted to make sure we shared that before you click on the link! We think the Pure Bed is a fantastic resourse for married couples! Here is the link to “Our Intimate Choices”.
      http://www.thepurebed.com

  2. I love the football references. This is a great way to think about the 10-day challenge. Most women do need to warm up before they take the field, so it’s great that you emphasized that. I’m sure this challenge will bless many couples.

    • Hi J,
      Thanks for your encouragement, we greatly appreciate it. The 10 day challenge has the potential to bless and teach couples no matter where they are. I could not resist the football metaphor, although I am not a sports guy for the most part, I realize many men are! We are praying that God will use the 10 day challenge for His purposes in all the marriages that give it a try! Thanks for all you are doing to impact and strengethen marriages! We greatly appreciate your ministry!
      Blessings to you and your husband, Brad

  3. Oh man! I’m gonna be cheering for the commenter who asked about being apart during such a challenge. I’ll have to talk to The Sailor about all this when he gets home from basketball tonight. We’ll be apart quite a bit next month – but we will challenge ourselves to deeper levels of intimacy and we’ll be checking in. Good work, my friends! (P.S. at least since he’ll be gone superbowl Sunday I won’t have to go easy on the bean dip…)

    • Gina,
      Thanks for your encouragement, we really appreciate it! It is going to be a fun 10 days and God will do His work in all of us! It is our hope that even if these 10 days do not suit people, they will find another 10 days and take the challenge. Or if 10 days is not possible due to seperation to make sex and intimacy a priority 10 days you are home together. It may be a challenge for some, just to find the 10 days, but I think it will be worth it! Thanks again for your encouragement and LOL-on the bean dip! 🙂 Thanks for all you are doing to strengthen marriage and talk about the tough subjects!
      Blessings to you and the Sailor! Brad

  4. -and now you know why I have to create products like The Sexy Marriage Solution – me and my bean dip!

  5. I so wish I could get excited about this in my own marriage–its such a great idea.
    I wish everybody that will be participating many blessings!!

    • Hi Andrew,
      I so wish you could get excited about this too! If now is not a good time, perhaps soon? Pray that God would open your marriage to an opporunity such as this. There were times our marriage, that a 10 day challenge would not have gone over very well. Don’t lose hope and don’t stop praying. Keep being the husband God asks of you, keep serving your wife and loving her as Christ loves the church. I will be praying for you, friend! You can always email me anytime at onefleshmarriage@gmail.com
      Blessings to you Andrew and your wife! Brad

  6. Pray together! Thank God for each other. One time my husband and I snuck out of the house and went parking. We put our marriage license on the dashboard. Well wouldn’t you know the “cops: caught us. They asked us why we didn’t just stay home. We said” we didn’t want any distraction on our date. They said: ok! We will be back in an hour! Just want to keep you safe. It was really funny! Holly and Phil.