Days of Old

Kate says . . .

As Brad and I celebrated his birthday this past weekend with some much needed time alone together (ie the kiddos had an overnight with their grandparents), we talked, shared one of our favorite meals, snuggled, read our books side by side and I think you can probably guess the rest.  We spent time enjoying each other’s company in any and every way we like.  As I was enjoying this time with my beloved husband, I reflected on our years of dating as well as our years of marriage.  I was struck, once again by how blessed I am to have this man beside me in everything.  How much I love sharing all of life with him, even the sad and tough times.  When I think about our dating years, and there were 6 of them-I praise God for marriage and His plan.  There is so much freedom in His plan for marriage.  Before you think I have gone a bit crazy, let me explain.

As wives we tend to need emotional connection with our husband.  We look back on the time when there was newness in our relationship and think about all the butterflies in our stomach and part of us wishes we could go back there;  The romantic gestures our hubby would do to woo us while dating.  All of that seemed so new and fun.  If we are real, that is what is so appealing many times in books and movies.  It is the newness of love and the discovery that makes our hearts flutter and our emotions soar.  This is an amazing time for many to look back on, right?

Then we get married and over time the newness fades.  When the hard ties come, we look back with a yearning for that time and the feelings it stirred within us.  We have all been there, and in many ways our husbands have too.  While I too look back with fond memories, I said to Brad this weekend as we were riding in our minivan with no kids, “I am so glad we are not dating anymore, I am so glad we are married and have the freedom marriage brings!”

I am not sure at what stage of life you were when you met and started dating your spouse.  Brad and I were in high school when we started dating.  While it is fun to share that we were in fact high school sweethearts, we also had many restrictions, rules and guidelines put on our relationship.  We had our parents, school, youth group and God’s word.  All of these things were a good thing and were there to help us understand God’s will for couples who were not yet married.  That being said, it was hard and frustrating at times.  Once married, we enjoyed the freedom that marriage brought.  The freedom to talk whenever we wanted, the freedom to touch, the freedom to put each other’s  needs first and of course the freedom to experience and enjoy sex together.  It was amazing!

Somewhere down the road, the newness wore off and it was no longer a novelty.  You know the old saying, that once you have what you’ve wanted, it isn’t as exciting anymore.  Settling into marriage and discovering a new norm, is in fact normal.  Within that learning experience, somewhere down the line, we lose perspective of how wonderful the freedom that God gives us as husband and wife in marriage is!

God renewed my heart to this “freedom” a few years ago and it never ceases to amaze me that I am allowed and encouraged to be free with my husband.  I honestly am in awe and praise God for this.  We are free to do almost everything together if we choose.  We are free to hold hands, to smile our special smiles at one another.  We are free to say I love you and many times a day and in as many different way as we want to.  We are free to embrace each other’s bodies and bask in their beauty.  We are free to share our inner most thought, fears, hurts, joys and dreams.  We are free to reach out and touch our hubby ALL the time.  How often do we go through our day and forget our freedom?  Or perhaps we just take them for granted?

One of my personal favorites that I think about a great deal is sharing a bed with my hubby.  Every night I get to sleep next to Brad.  When I am snuggled up against him, I get to hear him breathe, feel his warmth, feel his touch and sometimes hear him snore.  It is an incredible blessing, even the snoring!

I would not ever want to go back to our dating years!  I want to be here now, married and enjoying my husband.  Yes, dating had a newness to it that was fun and exciting.  But marriage has the freedom in it that is far superior to dating.  God uses dating for us to get to know one another before marriage.  Dating is special and it will always hold fond memories for me.  Yet, I will much more enjoy telling my grandkids of the wonderful and amazing things their grandfather did for me while we were married.  How he loved me, how he showered me with devotion and even romance, how he yearned to love me and serve me as God asks in Ephesians 5.  The courtship is a fun story to tell, but our marriage is the beautiful journey  I most want to share.   It is an example to them and a legacy.

For so long before we were married, I longed for the freedom of marriage.  After enjoying that freedom, I lost touch with it.  Now I rejoice in that freedom and praise God that Brad is my hubby.  I want to enjoy the freedom of marriage every day!  Do you find that you are yearning for the days of old, when you were dating and everything was new and romantic?  Do you find that you go day to day without enjoying the freedom God has given you to love and enjoy your hubby?  What freedom can you focus on today, enjoying your marriage?

The days of old will always hold special memories, but getting stuck there has the ability to keep us from moving forward on the journey ahead.  The past is a blessing and has taught us many lessons, yet it is the past.  Embrace the future and the freedom God has given you in your marriage.

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