Brad says…
Kate’s post, “Days of Old” challenged wives not to live in the past, yearning for the old dating days, but remember the blessings that only marriage brings. Reading Kate’s memories of our dating days got me thinking about why our culture is so dating obsessed but rarely marriage obsessed. 
Look at popular movies, books, TV shows anywhere that there are two people working on their relationship 98% of the time the relationship that is being worked on is dating. The conclusion of the story is when they get married. The guy finally pops the question and as Disney always tells us, “they live happily ever after”. If that line were true, I don’t think we would be writing this blog!
So, what is so good about dating? If we are honest there are two things that make dating appealing. Fortunately, there is no reason we can’t learn from these two things and make sure that we bring them into our marriage too!
The Energy of The New
All of us are tempted by “the new”! We are drawn to NEW, why do you think so many advertisers use it on everything from shampoo bottles to cars? Having something new gets our hearts pounding. The same thing happens in new relationships. We get excited! Case in point, the very first time you kissed your wife to be, you were very excited, right? Do you still feel the same heart pounding excitement every time you head out the door and give her a quick peck? I’m going to guess that for almost all of you the answer is no, or you probably wouldn’t ever get to work on time.
The excitement from new generates something very attractive, energy. There was energy behind your first kiss and both you and your wife to be knew it. The energy communicated things, it said, “I’m interested”, “I like you”, “I think you are beautiful”. Now, when you give her that quick peck day in and day out, there isn’t much energy and the messages often get harder to hear.
The Energy Drain
The solution is not that you need something new, it is that you need to feel the energy that the new brought. So where did that energy go? Well if I remember correctly from my high school science class, energy doesn’t get destroyed it simply changes form. The same is true of relationship energy. When you were first dating much of your daily energy was directed toward your girlfriend. Once that girlfriend became your wife the energy was quickly assigned other places; your job, finances, family, children, church, and a myriad of other things began to take your energy and focus. These things are not bad but all of them take energy. Without energy your marriage will never live up to the expectations of dating. Divorce is not caused by incompatibility, it is caused in part by a drain of relationship energy.
Re-Wiring
Fortunately, we do not need to rip out the the old wiring just because we have noticed some energy drains. Re-wiring is as simple as identifying priorities, and making sure that they receive the proper energy voltage. Maybe instead of a quick peck tomorrow morning put a little more energy into it. Rather than just go about your day-to-day, think about how you can give a bit of a spark back to your marriage! That last sentence just disappeared in most of your minds, because of the lack of energy. If you really thought about how to bring a spark to your marriage you would. You did it once when your wife was your girlfriend!
Dangerous Short Circuits
It is natural for energy to go to other parts of your life, family and work. However, not all energy drains are healthy. Affairs, pornography, addictions and more not only drain your energy they short-circuit your system. Be careful to evaluate anything that is taking energy away your wife. If you feel energy going to any other person or activity stop and think. Is it healthy? If yes, where does it go in my priorities? If no, what do you need to do to eliminate it?
Guys, what have you done to bring back a bit of the dating energy to your marriage?
Wives, any ideas???
10 Day Challenge is only a few days away. Starting next week we will be writing some “pre-challenge” ideas and tips, then February 4th we will kick off our 10 days of sex! I hope you will join us! - Want to know more? Check out, Return of the 10 Day Challenge and watch for more updates!
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Good post, Brad. I agree I only have so much energy in a day, and sometimes I use it all up in work, kids, home chores, etc. I’m trying to remember each day to send positive energy to my spouse (in positive thoughts), to give him a meaningful compliment, to try to be positive on the phone with him (even if there are problems with work or kids), and to save some energy for him when we’re together.
Lori,
Just being aware of those things is an incredible blessing to your husband! Life does get hectic and we often feel pulled in many different directions as well as adding stress to top it all off. I hear you and agree. We apprecaite all that you are doing for marriages as well. It is awesome to be doing marriage ministry with so many amazing people! Thanks for sharing.
Blessings to you and your husband! Brad
Excellent metaphor! I love how the Lord seems to be consistent in what He’s sharing with all of us in the marriage blogosphere. Your words have helped me process even more what God began showing me this morning. I wrote about it in a post for tomorrow.
Blessings, Brad. God has used you to encourage and help me. I’m sure Tom will thank you!
Debi
Debi,
Thanks for sharing, it is truly awesome to see how God works us all together in ways to express His message and plan for marriage. A truly humbling experience! I agree with your post wholeheartedly! How many times do I feel that life is getting in the way of what I want to do? But it is God’s list of priorities that matter. My list is: God, Kate(spouse), Kids, everything else! I work hard to keep that in check, but there are so many times work, church and other things try to climb the ladder and I let them! Thanks again for sharing and for all that you are doing to strengthen marriages!
Blessings to you and Tom! Brad
[...] Relationship Energy – A great metaphor comparing the energy found in your marriage with the energy you had while dating. Brad asks some very insightful questions to help you discern your marriage. [...]