Day 2- Sexual Banter

Kate says . . .

As you are enjoying time together this week challenge yourself to speak more about your physical love for one another.  Talking sexy or sensuously to your spouse is something many people are uncomfortable with and some people think is simply wrong.  Let me be clear, I am not talking about derogatory, demeaning or generally dirty comments.  I am talking about fun sexual or sensuous banter between husband and wife.

In the middle of the day share with your spouse how sexy they.  Perhaps through a text, a phone call, an email or a note left somewhere for them.  Share in detail what you find sexy about them.  Share what you are looking forward to doing with them later and what you enjoyed doing with them yesterday!  Use words as the special blessing they can be, to encourage thinking about sex with one another.

If you have kids around, depending on the age you can talk in “code.”  If they are too old, perhaps you will have to keep the sensuous bantering on a more private level.  But don’t let that stop you, find ways to share!

If this is something that seems out of your comfort zone, try simply sharing what you love about your husband or wife’s body.  Which parts you love to gaze upon and love to touch.  Talking sensuously with your spouse can be a very good thing.  It is encouraging to your spouse in general and they will know how much you adore them sexually.  We want them to know how much we adore them sexually, don’t we?  During the 10 Day Challenge, try using your words to tell him or her!

Day 2- Scripture Passage:

Song of Solomon Chapter 2

Day 2 Giveaway:


Today’s 10 Day Challenge Tip was sponsored by “And Then We Danced” a great new book by Mike and Fi Lusby.  It tells a story of love, loss, pain, and joy and building a marriage strong enough to weather the storms that come after “I do”.   1 lucky reader will win an autographed copy:


a Rafflecopter giveaway- 10 Day Challenge Day 2 giveaway may not appear on email, RSS feeds, or mobile devices. Follow the link to enter today!

I hope that the rest of you will order a copy of And Then We Danced today!

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42 Responses to Day 2- Sexual Banter

  1. We have been doing this one a bit more lately anyway, but it is a good reminder to keep it up and I truly believe it does help build anticipation 🙂

    • Hi Adam, It is a beautiful story of love, marriage and forgiveness. And much more! Definitely worth the read if you don’t win! Blessings, Kate

  2. My husband was a little taken back when I told him about this challenge. At first when I said I was doing a web challenge he rolled his eyes (oh great another one of those) LOL – he changed his tune when he found out what this one was 🙂 Thanks for all you do!!

    • Hey Elizabeth! Yea, so glad he was excited once you shared what the challenge was! 🙂 Know that we are praying for you and your hubby! We are blessed to be able to share in this way-totally a God thing! He is so good! Blessings, Kate

  3. I love the article, and it is so true. After 20 years of marriage, my wife and I are founding more excitement and passion now than before. Some playful words, a text message here and there, a “private email” ( we have our own private email accounts only for this ) all this is fueling some blessed and renewed passion in our marriage. I always tell her that I prefer to “make love to her” instead of “having sex” To me there is a lot of difference between the two.
    Awesome articles, keep them coming !

    • Hi Roberto! Thanks for writing and sharing! Love hearing about those who have been married for as long as you, still making intimacy a top priority! God is so good and His plan for marriage and our one flesh connection is amazing! Love the private email idea! I hear you totally on the “making love” as apposed to having sex. I used to be of the same mindset and still am in many ways. But as for blogging and being specific, we found it would be better for consistency and understanding to stick with the term sex! But our hope in HOW we talk about sex, deeply reflects of the one flesh connection God has designed and desires for us. It is not just sex in the physical sense, it is sex in the one flesh sense that encompasses so much more the physically being together. Thanks so much for sharing! Know that we are praying for you and your wife during the challenge! Blessings, Kate

  4. I am so thankful for my marriage already. My hubby and I have been able to have “sexual banter” since we got married. We don’t always remember to, but it comes easy when we do.

    In fact, I think I’ll text my husband right now!

  5. Something we’ve gotta work on. I don’t like some of the things he says when he’s trying to talk sexy…just sounds silly and i feel awkward…

    Sounds like an awesome book! Gonna put it on my reading list. 🙂

  6. I am so appreciative for your daily tips for the 10 Day challenge. So far, day one was a blessing for us!

  7. My hubby is good about this one – he’s always giving me compliments, telling me how and why he loves me, what he loves about me, etc. Unfortunately, I don’t receive compliments very well so I don’t tend to give him enough credit for how sweet he is. Something I’ve got to work on and I need to make more of an effort to tell him what I love about him too. I don’t do that much anymore.

  8. Awesome thanks for the tip! We failed last night as we have a little one and I was exhausted + not feeling well which sucks cause I was the one who wanted to do the challenge!

  9. So does it count if we were *trying* to start this challenge last night… and were interrupted right in the middle by a child throwing up?? :o( We will have to do our 10 days Feb 6-15! … and hopefully the other 2 kids (and us) will escape this bug!

    • Hi Laurie! Oh my . . . that does not sound like fun! Kids, what can you do with them? LOL! I am hoping everyone else stays healthy and you can start up again soon! We are praying for you! Not fun at all! But kids are so precious anyway, and now that mine are older, it is the only time that they will fall asleep with us holding them! 🙂 Blessings and good health to you and your hubby and kids! Kate

  10. Day 1 complete. 🙂 The tips in today’s post are helpful. I am not one to communicate so openly about sex, but we are working on that. I have hubby a box today that had sentences on strips of paper about what I love pertaining to him & us including sexual ones.

  11. Love this post! My husband and I don’t “talk dirty” but we are certainly sensuous and make sure each other knows there is a strong desire physically, not just emotionally.

  12. been talking all day about tonight!! 🙂 Also, a local church is hosting “the marriage course” free dinner and child care go with it..its an 8 week course for couples…really looking forward to it!

    • That’s awesome! I love to hear when a local church really supports marriage! This is something I pray about all the time! Glad to hear it!

  13. Thank you Brad and Kate for your fantastic blog. You are both so encouraging to me! I hope that my hubby will soon decide to follow your blog as well! We did want to do the 10 day callenge so much, but I woke up with a temp of 102 and a terrible bout of the flu! We do hope to start the ten days a bit late though, maybe by this weekend I’ll be right-as-rain, and we do plan to make it all 10 days! It will be a challenge though, as My hubby works nights 3-4 days week! Pray for us please! I think the devil is trying to keep us from accomplishing this 10 day challenge, and our marriage desperately needs it! God Bless your marriage!

    • Marvin & Kathy! Lifting you up! You can make your 10 days start any time you feel better! Keep loving each other! Feel better soon!

  14. great info that you guys share…i think there is so much that needs done to get people to open up and share with their spouse..we as christians should have the best and fulfilling sex life.

    • I totally agree! Many times Christians are happy to talk all about marriage as long as it doesn’t involve what goes on in the Bedroom! But God was never that shy about sex! Lets let the world know that Christians are not afraid of sex, and that “doing it” God’s way makes it amazing!

  15. Sexual banter is not something I’ve ever been comfortable with; but hubby’s quite a different story. Maybe one day…

    • Heather,
      Start slow with only what you are comfortable with. Challenge yourself to put internal feelings into words that are for only your husband. They don’t have to be “dirty” just romantic! Keep practicing!

  16. This past evening, my poor hubby came home from helping his dad with cutting wood, so wiped out that he fell in the the bed sound asleep after eating supper. So I came up with an idea, I decided to cater to him and I drew a bath of hot water for him to crawl into. After he crawled in, I gave him a bath, dried him off and tucked him baxck in bed with a movie of his choice.

  17. We were chatting online while I was at work, and I mentioned we might miss today, because I had a lot of work to do and might stay late.
    I was so thrilled to see my wife be disappointed that we miss a day so early in the challenge.

    Well, I got home in time, and we managed before midnight.

  18. Day-2 success, though a bit awkward. We are praying together for GOD to give us confidence and vulnerability with one another. We are also reading and studying commentaries on Song of Solomon. Even though we both have a “past”, GOD’s healing through prayer is bringing an innocence and joy to us both that neither expected. I feel like a newbie. lol. That’s a (really) good thing.

  19. I have tried sexual bantering in the past. My wife, however, does not like it when I do this and calls me an “animal” (in a playful way) and rolls her eyes…What would be a good response to this (from a Christian point of view)?

    • Hi Anonymous, I think sexual banter is one of those things that can easily feel wrong if you and your spouse are not in the right place for it. If you are struggling with sex, then it starts to feel like and underhanded tactic to express your want of sex. That then translates to feeling like a piece of meat. If one person is struggling with desire for sex, banter may not be a good idea. It is playful and fun, but only if both people feel secure in their sexual connection. In the beginning of our marriage, I would not have responded well to sexual banter at all and Brad would have jumped on any I threw his way.

      I would think the best response you can give your spouse now is to use words to cherish and uplift. To express your desire in a sexual, yet soft way. Sexual banter can have it’s place eventually, just not until both people feel secure. I hope that helps. I am assuming a lot from wife’s response but figured she either struggles with wanting sex as much as you or she struggles with her self image. Perhaps both. In which case, treasuring her with words is the key. All marriage should do this,. but when a marriage is hurting, we have to leave somethings of the table until there is healing! Blessings, Kate