Day 5- Over the Wall

Brad says…

If you are following along with the 10 Day Challenge then it is very likely that today or tomorrow you might just hit the wall.  I know you would have not thought it was possible, but it is very likely that you might not want sex with your spouse tonight.  Or maybe you want it but you find your body doesn’t seem to respond with as much, shall we say, anticipation as it did a few days ago.   This is the wall!

Most couples will feel this at some point during the challenge.  Sure it is easy to roll over and say, “Hey 9 outa 10 aint bad, we’ll catch up tomorrow”, but I want to challenge you to try to make it over that wall.

Why Fight the Wall?

For one reason: Learning that your body’s sexual response sometimes does not happen before you start sexual intimacy.  Let me explain.  Most of us are used to thoughts leading to sexual arousal leading to having sex.  But that is not the only path to having great, healthy sex.  Sometimes you can make  a decision to have sex, either because you want to meet a challenge, or because your spouse is interested.  That decision can lead to actions which leads to foreplay, which eventually leads to arousal and great sex.

For some guys this might be the first time they recognize that they do not have to have a sex on the mind, before they have great sex.  You might even discover that after you get over the wall you have really great sex.  Why? Because if your arousal is delayed you spent more time, and sometimes that can end up being much better.

Most importantly, keep talking.  Don’t be afraid to tell your wife, or husband that “I want to, but my body’s not quite there yet, let’s take some warm up time!”  It is important to communicate what you are feeling and help your spouse know what they can do to help get the fires burning!

Day 5- Scripture Passage:

Song of Solomon Chapter 5

Day 5 Giveaway:

Today we have a fun one! The Pure Bed has donated a romantic couple’s game called The Romantic Vows for Affectionate Lovers.

The Pure Bed’s mission is to support husbands and wives in the enjoyment of sexual intimacy in marriage.   Consistent with their Christian values, our site does not sell, display or support pornography or nudity. Check them out today!


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30 Responses to Day 5- Over the Wall

  1. We are actually a day ahead due to the fact that we hadn’t planned on doing this challenge until Sunday. That being said we did hit the wall yesterday (day 5 for us) and went ahead and broke through it. It was very encouraging this morning to see this post and know what was going on was normal, thanks for this 🙂

    • Cherl,
      Thanks for sharing! Glad that it came at the right time to encourage you! It’s great you were able to break through your wall!

  2. Glad to hear that it is normal and that it is not just us! Thanks so much for the encouraging words and challenges each day! I appreciate reading the blog entries and allof the past ones as well. Our marriage a lot more committed and pleasureable because of you all!
    Thanks :0)

    • Wow what a compliment! We started OFM out of a calling on our lives from God, we are humbled that our words have been able to help! Thank you so much!

  3. Loving this challenge. Even getting sick I have stuck with it! There isn’t a challenge I ever back down from and not about to let germs take this one away!

  4. My wife and I have been really enjoying this challenge! The part that we like best, it that it becomes much more than “just sex”. There is such a deep intimacy and closeness that goes along with it that is really amazing! Even throughout the course of our day, that closeness is still there. Our kisses are longer, we touch more during the day (hugs, hold hands, arm around her, etc) – and we also notice that we don’t “nit pick” at each other about dumb little things as much now. Plus the side effects of having sex every day is that it’s much easier for me to open up emotionally to my wife and have quality conversations with her, and for her, it’s much easier for her to respond to me sexually, due to me meeting her emotional needs, and having that quality conversation time with her. (It’s almost like God knew what he was doing when he created this whole sex thing in marriage…lol).

    Thanks for the great blog, and for challenging us to not settle for “the norm” in our marriage. I feel just as in love to my wife right now, as I did on our honeymoon 7 years ago! And what did it take to get here? It took both of us agreeing to MAKE US a PRIORITY, over the kids, work, extra jobs, church stuff, TV shows, etc! How sad it is that we let those things take priority over that commitment we made in front of all those people on our wedding day. But no more! 🙂

    Thanks again both of you!

    Gerad (and amazing wife Valerie)

    • It’s true! This challenge has been just what we needed for our marriage right now. It’s been a challenging last month and other things were piling on top of us. This has been a great way for us climb out from under the pile and make us #1.

      • Gerad & Valerie,
        Thank you both for commenting! What an awesome compliment, thank you so much! Gerad I love your comment about how you felt it easier to open up emotionally, that is a great observation! And when your wife seconded your comment it made it even better! We are thrilled that you are enjoying your time together and have seen your marriage grow!
        God Bless you both!

  5. we’ve hit that wall when we did the 7 day challenge with OneExrtaordinary marriage last year. I want to push through it this time!

  6. I actually did “hit the wall” last night (A head cold isn’t helping.), but my wife wouldn’t let me off the hook (this is fun she says 🙂 ) However, we actually started this challenge in late January and haven’t missed a day. So we are really on day 12-13 !! Woo Hoo

  7. We have truly hit a wall, but I am going to try to continue on and do the challenge. My dear hubby has not been feeling well for a few days and we have to take him to see the heart doctor to check on his meds. Thank you so muxch for the encouragement.

  8. My hubby and I aren’t doing this challenge…yet! We just finished a seven day challenge last month, but we will probably start this one this weekend. 🙂
    I don’t know if it is because we are still young/newly-weds (less than 2 years), but we haven’t hit a wall…at least I haven’t. It does take effort, though, especially since I am seven months pregnant. Thinking of non-monotonous possitions that are fun, yet comfortable is the main challenge for us! ♥

  9. Ready for day 5 yesterdays out of the box was a challenge i was very nervous about it. But glad we beat that challenge. I am very thankful that God has blessed us to be able to do this.

  10. I like this! Sometimes it’s easy to tell yourself you don’t want to tonight just because you’ve done it several times the last few days already.

  11. I remember day 5 when we tried this before. I never thought I’d be too exhausted for sex; then came day 5.

    • I think this is really an important part of the challenge! It helps us guys get some empathy for our tired wives, and helps both of us focus on intimacy rather then just sex!

  12. Just wanted to say thanks for this post. I was about to tell my wife that I’d rather just go to sleep but something in me told me to check the blog…needless to say we scaled the wall and it was AWESOME!!! I love the view from up here 🙂