Pleasing Him- Who, What and How!

Kate says . . .

Selfishness is a real stumbling block in our marriages.  The self-centered nature that says, “what I want and what I need is most important.” We have seen this kind of thinking wreak havoc in our own marriage at times and we have learned that in marriage where you put your focus very much impacts your marriage.


As Brad and I walk this one flesh marriage journey together, we want to serve each other and put each other’s needs above our own.  Sounds like a great plan doesn’t it?  It is, but I have been learning in these past few weeks, that seeking to please our hubby is not enough, while that is important, we should be seeking to please God first and then in turn we will be pleasing our hubby.

When our focus is on pleasing man (even our hubby), we will fall short, eventually!  When we focus on God’s word and what he wants for wives-pleasing Him, we will be blessed and will please our hubby in the way God designed too.


This is not to say that doing things for your hubby, surprising him, blessing him or doing things the way he enjoys is wrong in any way.  On the contrary it is a good thing.  Yet, even though it is a good thing, when our internal focus becomes our hubby, we will eventually struggle.

I LOVE to shower my hubby with affection, to love on him, to make his favorite meals, etc!  Even more than that, I love the feeling that I am connected with God and doing as he asks of me.  It is then that I serve, respect and love my hubby the best that I can.  When I am centered on Jesus and walking in His ways, I am in the best place to please my hubby.

You may be thinking that you have seen women who are in the Word, involved in church, leading Bible study and yet they have a lousy marriage.  So how does being so “rooted” in Jesus give you the best shot at pleasing your hubby?  As Christ followers we all have times where we try hard to keep Christ as the center, but know we are struggling and are not in the best place.  Keeping Christ as the center does not mean you will never struggle.  It also does not mean that you will never argue or have tough times in your marriage.


Pleasing God means being obedient to His word and His will for marriage.  If we are being obedient, then we have an amazing opportunity to love, respect and please our hubby.

When we are obedient to God’s word then we cannot deny what God is asking of us as wives, in Ephesians 5 as well as 1 Corinthians 7:1-7.  When we are striving to be obedient in these verses (along with others) then we are pleasing God.  Since we are following God’s plan for marriage, I believe we will please our hubby as well.

Are their exceptions to this?  I am sure there are.  Perhaps you and your hubby have a huge gap that needs a bridge, perhaps you are both struggling in your marriage.  Regardless, positive things happen when we do as God ask us.  Try pleasing God and follow His word for wives.  See if your husband does not respond in a positive way.  He will notice and be pleased.

When we please God I believe we will please and bless our hubby.  I believe God desires for your hubby to hold a place in your life, which no one else can.  They are second place and nothing should touch that, but God is always in first place.  I cannot imagine my life without Brad by my side, don’t want to even contemplate it.  Yet, life without Jesus-is just not life.  So pleasing Him should come first and then you can focus on pleasing your hubby, but I am thinking you already will be!

What do you think ladies??  Where do you find yourself focused?

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4 Responses to Pleasing Him- Who, What and How!

  1. My husband’s friend recommended your blog and I’m so glad he did! Great message and thank you for your heart to help couples enjoy the wonderful marriages God has blessed us with. One flesh is the best way!

    I find when I’m soft towards God, it makes me soft towards my husband. By soft, I mean inclined to listen to God, open to correction, and thankful. The opposite is true too: if I’m blaise about serving God one day, that spills over to my spouse.

    • Hi Arlene! I am so glad you found us! One flesh is the best way, could not have said it better myself! I love what you say about being connected and soft with God helps you tremendously to be soft towards your hubby. I would also add that making regular time for sex and intimacy, sharing that very special bond God gave us, that we cannot expereince with anyone else-greatly softens us. It helps us to be connected in ways, we cannot completely comprehend. We are able to extend grace and love! I love that you shared that! Thank you for your thoughtful sharing! Blessings to you and your hubby! Kate

  2. I LOVE this post because it is so right on! I only wish I had known that when I got married 15 years ago. I spent the good first few years trying to please my husband when all it did was exhaust me because it was all going the wrong way and in my own strength and energy I failed always. When I started serving my God first it was just the natural over flow of my heart to serve my husband next. I can always tell when I am missing the mark with God because I get selfish with my husband. Ha! Good way to stay balanced.

    • Hi Christy! Thanks for writing and sharing! Ditto, my friend-I too wish I had known this 13 years ago when I got married as well. I spent many of the first years trying to please my hubby and failed at every attempt. Then I would get so frustrated that I would get stuck in a very selfish mindset. Both Brad and I got stuck in selfishness. There can be no selfishness if one flesh is going to work. It is only once I too opened my heart up to what God asked of me as a wife, (Brad as well) that God’s lead the way and our marriage journey moved forward in the most amazing ways! I hear ya on being able to tell when things have gone a bit off course as well-always selfishness for me too! I find myself saying “But what about me?” I have learned to stop and pray, even go get my Bible and ground myself. Also praying paticular scriptures to myself has been such a blessing! Thank you very much for sharing! Blessings to you and your hubby! Kate