Where Has All the Sex Gone?

Brad says…

It has only been 5 days since the end of the One Flesh Marriage 10 Day Challenge, and yet I am guessing that some of you quickly returned to old habits.  That is the problem with habits, they are really hard to change, even the ones that we really want to!

It might not be possible to keep the challenge going in the sense of having sex every day, but it is possible to keep the spirit of the challenge alive in your marriage every day.  Kate’s post, Forward Momentum talked about 2 ways that you can avoid a backslide.  Today I’m going to add two more ways that husbands need to specifically think about.

While Kate and I have done the challenge before, and heck we organized it, we found it difficult this time because we happened to have a very busy schedule for those 10 days.  We knew that we had to carve out time for just the two of us.  As unromantic as it sounds there were several days that we had to say, “Ok we’ll have an hour together at 11:00pm”, or “Can we sneak some time together between Church and Small Group?”  We had to plan because intimacy takes TIME.

Tick Tick Ticking Away

Look back at the 5 days since the challenge.  Have you spent as much focused time together as you did during the challenge?  I’m going to guess not.  Some of that is normal; however some of our time easily goes down the drain if we are not intentional about spending it in the right places.

Guys, remember the way that you used to “test the sexual waters” in your marriage?  Now that you have gone through the challenge, you don’t need those old methods, you only need to remain intentional about your time!  Leaving for work, whisper to your wife about spending 1 on 1 time when you get home.  Thinking about “it” during dinner with the family, tell your wife that you will be putting the kids to bed so you can have time just the two of you later.

These two ideas led right into my second way to continue the spirit of the 10 Day Challenge.  Thoughts!  Yes, I am telling guys that they need to have sexual thoughts.  I know that sounds silly, but hear me out.

Day Dreaming

How did your thought life change during the 10 Day Challenge?  Did any of you guys notice a difference?  I did.  I found that I was frequently thinking about my wife, in very specific ways that I will not go into here…..

For many guys sexual day dreaming is a habit that they try very hard to break, however the positive sexual day dreams are very different.  Not only are these healthy, I find that they also leave me feeling more positive, and thankful.  These thoughts are a great motivation to really think about blessings and priorities. Positive sexual thoughts about your wife with help you to focus on what is important, while avoiding the daily temptations we are bombarded with.

What have you discovered to help keep the spirit of the 10 Day Challenge alive?

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4 Responses to Where Has All the Sex Gone?

  1. Because we had to limit our sexual intimacy due to physical reasons, my Beloved Bride and me grew in other intimate ways which included some discussions about sex, but mostly deeper spiritual connection through prayer, and the sharing of other heart matters. This ‘fasting’ from sexual intimacy, though a challenge of more than 10 days, will serve enrich the wider scope of our Covenant Marriage and knit our sexual relationship to be even stronger than it was before. The focus on sex was not brought to a halt. We’ve done some things to change things up, even in our sleeping contexts where things are being done that NEVER would have occurred in the past. All for the better as we allow the Lord to stretch our hearts and minds beyond our comfort levels. God is so providential! He has such interesting ways of transforming our hearts and activities.

    • Bill,
      Thanks so much for sharing! I’m so glad to hear that you have been able to grow through the challenge, even though situations occurred that kept you from physical intimacy. This is one of our biggest worries about the 10 Day Challenge is that readers who can’t or are not ready to give it a try in their marriage will feel worse. We really believe that growing in intimacy can be achieved from various paths! 10 days of sexual intimacy is just one! Thanks for sharing your journey to closer intimacy in your marriage!

  2. Kate & Brad,
    The 10 Day Challenge has turned into a very much needed extended challenge for us! We thoroughly enjoyed the challenge that we will continue on this journey! God Bless you all as well!