Kate says . . .
After reading Brad’s post, Emotional Foreplay, I was thinking that we ladies need some emotional foreplay too. Then again that is not really news, is it? You hubby’s out there need us to help you out and extend you some emotions grace?
Women are known to be the emotional ones where men are less concerned on how everything makes him feel.
Example: Brad will come home from work and talk about something that happened at work, as I am sure many of your hubby’s do as well. After listening, I find myself wanting to ask, “How did that feel?” Why? Because, that is naturally how I think about any given situation, those are the rose-colored glasses I see the world through.
For us ladies, there is nothing more interesting then to share about something emotional and paint the scene with colorful, vivid and deep emotional descriptors. That is how we think and getting those things out of us is important. It is how God made us.
The Woman’s Emotional ABC’s
T– Turned on (just for you guys)
Fact: Women have a wide range of emotions and a need to express them.
Fact: While we are emotionally driven, we have a need to sort through facts as well.
Fact: Emotional Intimacy depends on our sharing emotions together. For women it is learning to not get carried away in the emotional waves.
The Normal Approach:
Asking a women how her day was and wanting just the facts (not emotions), is like denying a woman who lives in Alaska the privilege of describing the snow she sees. Not only describing what she sees, but how what she sees is affecting her. They cannot describe the snow easily without wrapping it up in their emotions.
The trick here is to listen and hear the passion behind our words, even if you have no clue what they mean. We need time, hubbys to share our hearts. When you are open and we have the opportunity, watch and see what else we may just have time for!!! 😉
Ask About Our Day
We want to hear about your day, but we also want to express how our day was, even if we do the same thing everyday! We will most likely want to share about the happenings and how they made us feel. Even if we baffling you with emotional words you have never heard, let alone felt; we just need to get them out. Many times once the feelings are out, we feel so much better. Listen, hold our hand, rub our back, give us a kiss now and then.
As Brad shared, when I start to bottle up all of my emotions about the things I have been going through, I feel disconnected. When we feel disconnected, we feel that our husband doesn’t “understand” us. Women need time to express all the emotions swirling around us and in us.
As you ask about our day, don’t avoid using the “F” word. Yes, that one-Feel!
Ask how we are feeling about different things. If you are not sure what we mean by a certain feeling, be daring and ask what we mean.
Before you know it your wife will feel like you are understanding her greatly, simply because you are listening and have made a place where she can share all things. Over time, you will come to understand much of her feelings, moods and even what she means when she uses strange words like: Maligned and ebullient.