Mens Guide to Spiritually Lead Your Wife & Family

Brad says…

Kate’s most recent post, “Pleasing Him, Who, What and How!” encouraged wives to make sure that they were focusing not only on pleasing their husband and their family, but placing the center of their focus on Christ.  There has been quite a bit said on other marriage blogs recently about those big words submission and headship.  Kate recently did a good wrap up of the various posts in case you missed it.  I’m not going to dive specifically into that area, but Kate’s post did get me thinking about what my role is in helping my wife and family, and myself for that matter, keep focused on Christ daily.


I could go on and on about the reasons that we as men need to be leading our family in focusing on Christ.  I’m guessing that many of you already know the reasons.  If you don’t, or don’t agree that we should be, then I will simply offer you this challenge:  For the rest of the month do all of the ideas I list below, then if you still are wonder why it matters, or disagree that it makes a difference, come back and let me know!

I’m going to pass on the fluffy stuff and get down to business, the tricky HOW you can lead and guide yourself, your wife and your family in developing their faith and your spiritual intimacy.

Let’s Get Practical!

1. Pray For Them

Take 5 minutes every day to pray for each member of your family. Honesty, diligently pray for your wife, each of your kids and yourself! For me that would be 25 minutes a day.   25 minutes a day sounds like a lot, but the pay-off is great!  Seeking God’s hand in their life, and his guidance in helping your interactions with them is critical!

2. Pray With Them

For those of you that participated in the 10 Day Challenge, we encouraged you to pray out loud with and for your wife.  We did this because prayer together is one of the most intimate acts that you can do.  Have you continued?  It might have been easy in the bliss of 10 days of sex together, but life creeps in and the prayer time might have snuck out, if it has get back to it!   Pray with your kids too.  Not just at dinner time, but make it a habit! Take time to teach them what it means to have a real conversation with God, not just a quick thanks before diving into good food!

3. Kill the Sunday Sloth!

If you are like me, dragging yourself out of bed Sunday morning is not always easy.  Usually, I manage to wake up somewhere between our garage and the church parking lot, but by that time my grumpy attitude has rubbed off on everyone else!  Shake of the grump first thing and lead your family to church with the right attitude.  I’m convinced that Sunday morning is the time our family is most attacked!  Things work against us getting to church in a good mood, ready to worship.  I’ve learned that I need to be in the fight against this attack not contributing to it!

4. Get Reading

If you are a regular Bible reader great! Do your kids know it? Does your wife see it?  I recently recognized that my kids never saw me read my Bible because I spend my quiet time after they are in bed.  Now I make a point to either let them see me read my Bible, or at least talk to them about what I’m reading.  Set the example!

5. Practice before you Preach

We all fall short, we all mess up, but how you mess up matters.  What you do, and what you do to fix it show vivid examples of where your focus really is!  When you yell or curse inappropriately, do you ask forgiveness?  Even from your kids?  When you have a bad day does your wife see you relying of God, or giving up?  Your family will see what you do in these times long before they take notice to other efforts you are making!


I’m sure there are other great practical ideas that many of you have.  Share them in the comments, and let’s all take the month of March to focus on what we can do to lead ourselves, our wife and our family to a closer relationship with God!  My guess is that some amazing things will happen when you focus on your family’s spiritual intimacy!

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10 Responses to Mens Guide to Spiritually Lead Your Wife & Family

  1. Obedience to God can sound quite heavy, but it’s about righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. He wants us to enjoy life in all its fulness.
    Thank you both for your willingness to share your lives with us.
    God bless you.

    • Hi DavyP! I could not have said it better myself, truly at the heart of it all is God’s desire for us as His people to live and enjoy life to its fullest. He knows how we can do that (or get close), yet we often want to do it our own way. We did for so many years. It was not good nor fun! Praise God that he forgives and heals! We are living proof of that! He can take a marriage, that is in bad shape and make beauty out of the ashes! Thanks so much for sharing! Blessings to you and your wife! Kate

  2. Very Good. Wives not only need us to after them sexually but we need to go ahrd after leading them spirtually. Very Good post!

  3. Great stuff, Brad & Kate! I love your list of how to lead your wife and family. Very practical and helpful to guys, present company included. When i think about most of the guys that we come across, this list could go a very long way.

    I would also suggest taking the opportunity to serve together as a couple – take the initiative and find a way to use your gifts serving together at church.

    • Thanks Scott! What you have added is so vital. Brad and like to share that to encourage spiritual intimacy, serving together in some way (without the rest of the family-though that is so important as well) is such a wonderful blessing!!! Thanks for sharing and we think of you all at Watermark very often! Blessings, Kate

  4. I enjoy reading your articles and feel comforted by the encouragement you provide. I’m really struggling with what feels like jealousy and bitterness at times

    • My wife seems to think it’s ok to go to a hens night – male strippers are involved. I would never dream of putting her through the heartache of me going to a bachelors party. I calmly told her that I don’t approve. But didn’t stop her, didn’t want her to choose between her sister (the bride) and me. She went, and the next morning my head was all messed up, she yelled at me accusing me of being controlling and an old fuddy duddy. The topic has come up again, I pray that God shows her this is poison to a relationship.

      • Hi Concerned Husband,

        My heart breaks for where you are in your marriage. I just have to say first, that it is NOT ok for your wife to be seeing strippers and it is OK for you to not like that! But you are also right that jealousy and bitterness will only take root of your heart and rip it out! You need to forgive your wife as hard as it may be to do so. The hardest part about being marriage is that we are called to love and serve and respect our spouse even when they are not deserving of it or are doing those things to us!

        Forgiveness and drawing nearer to God is what will help heal! Are there other thing as well or just this issue?

        Thanks for sharing! Blessings, Kate

  5. Other issues too, nothing overly serious but I’m fairly sensitive and take things to heart. We have three boys and she will do anything to have a girl, I reluctantly agreed after great inner torment to proceed with IVF for gender selection. I feel like I handed my soul over to satan in order to keep the peace at home. The procedure is on hold at the moment as it’s been a drain on funds. I pray regularly that God shows her this is wrong, I fear that if she became pregnant “accidentally”, she would look to terminate it, that would probably suck the remaining life I have out of me.

    • Concerned Husband, you need to begin fervent intercession for your wife, and be firm about things that are morally wrong. Remember God will hold you accountable. JESUS IS YOUR EXAMPLE, FOLLOW HIM.