Brad says…
In case you don’t know a Man Cave is a male hide a way, such as a specially equipped den or basement where the guys can go to do as they please without fear of upsetting their wife’s sensibility about design, decor or cleanliness. It seems to be the new rage with men creating elaborate caves to retreat into. I just wonder if the space and money couldn’t be used to design a more manly, more appealing “couple’s cave”!
Space or Hideaway
If you have a man cave or are planning one I have only one question. Is this supposed to be your space, or your hideaway?
Space
I understand that need and desire for a bit of space. I think that men do need the ability to look around and see their impact on their home. That is actually what makes it feel like home. If your cave is dedicated to a hobby, activity, or simply a family room with your style I suppose it could be a healthy addition to your home. However, if you are feeling like you need a space of your own within your own home I would suggest that this is something you need to talk about with your wife! Maybe the real root of the issue is the pink bedroom rather than the need for space?
Hideaway
All too often I hear men talking about and joking about going to their man cave to get away from their wife. If you are running to a man cave to get away, this is a problem. Men are already so frequently disengaged from their wife and family that adding a private location to escape to only magnifies the problem.
Couple’s Cave
I would like to suggest another idea. Maybe it will become the new cave craze. Rather then designing a top of the line man cave, create an exclusive, special, private “Couple’s Cave”. Spend all of the space, time and energy in designing a space where just you and your wife can go to get away together. Think what fun it could be with the two of you together!
Design for the Perfect Couple’s Cave
- A door with a good lock!
- A sitting area for the two of you
- Pictures of just the two of you on the walls, or even special pictures of just one of you.
- A wine rack or fridge with all the supplies
- Special mood lighting
- A nice iPod speaker and CD player
- Skip the TV and think about getting Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear from Sensuous Wife!
- This page show the liberator adventure line, on the sensuouswife.com and doesn’t contain nudity, but does have non-detailed drawings of couples using the products
You won’t be bringing the guys around to show off your new Cave, but trust me you will still be bragging about it!
What would you add to your perfect couple’s cave?
Dude, where’s my couple’s cave?!?
Seriously, if I had room in my small house to put this idea into practice, I’d do it in a New York minute! Perhaps as some of my children grow up and move out onto their own, we might be able to do this.
I think the idea is fantastic, and I will highly recommend it to any of my friends! Amen, Brad!
Hey Jason! I have to say, we don’t have the space for it either-just a dream at this point. Yet we have tried to create this very think in our bedroom and then put limits on our kids being in our room. It has been an incredible blessing and is our one flesh sanctuary! Soo thats how we have implimented the couples cave, with children afoot!
Kate
When I moved out of my parent’s house my bedroom became an office in about a week. At that time I was appalled at being “shoved” out. Now, well I think I’ll have designs for our couple’s cave made up just waiting for the first of our little ones to launch out! Trust me the first edition will be a strudy door with a good lock!
Only a decade to dream….
Umm… isn’t the rest of the house… most particularly the couple’s bedroom already their couple cave?
A key aspect of real intimacy is exposing to your spouse the parts of you that a “different” from them (ie being naked instead of the fig leaves). If you try to have everything in common, then you miss the key point that God made each of you different.
Now as for the hideaway aspect of men running away, there is a marital pattern of a pursuer and a distancer. Either party can stop the dance. If you don’t want someone to distance, the first step is stopping the pursuit. In fact, Biblically, men are called, just like Jesus, to be the initiator in marital relationships. (“Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Jesus loved first.) We broke this with sin from eating the fruit and the male-female dynamic that arose from the subsequent curse. We are no longer under sin, when we choose to stop repeating the old patterns, one of which is the woman over-functioning in relationship maintenance. God never built a fence around the tree to keep us in the proper place. Perhaps we should follow his example.
mary,
Thanks for writing! I really hope that you and your husband can look around your whole house and see what looks like a “couple’s cave” or retreat space where you can be together! That’s great! I know for us it wasn’t a reality, the rest of the house was our family space. A space where our family was together, but not just a space for Kate and I. I also know that many couples, their bedroom is the last place that gets any organizing (from him or her!). A few years ago, Kate gave me a HUGE gift I didn’t even know I wanted. She redecorated our bedroom making it sophisticated, and ours. She also took down all of the kids pictures from our bedroom walls. I hadn’t recognized it before this, but I really liked having our own space. The kids are in every other part of the house, and are invited in to ours on occasion, but having a special room just for us has been a really special thing for the two of us! I wrote the couple’s cave post because I want guys to really think about where they are spending time and money if they are considering a “man cave”, but even more importantly to get them thinking about the possibility of a couple’s cave. I would LOVE to have one that was in addition to our bedroom, but bedrooms work too!
Thanks for your comments!
[...] don’t know about you, but I was a big fan of Brad’s idea in, Man Cave or Couple’s Cave. Creating a space for the two of us, making it our own, enjoying it together-that would be so [...]