Brad says…
Kate’s post, “Sex on the Treadmill” drew the connection that getting out the “groove” of sex will have impacts on your marriage just like getting out of the habit of exercise will have impacts on your energy level. Since that post I have been wondering exactly how I should take this message to husbands. While, I’m not recommending trying sex on the weight bench, I do think that a man’s strength has a great deal to do with his mood, energy level, and yes even his sex life.
While I have been contemplating writing this post I have also been wrestling with back pain. Periodically I have a back issue that flairs up and limits my ability to do things and even my mobility. I’ll just move or step wrong and all the sudden I’m putting on a Leaning Tower of Piazza impression for a few days. During these times I have learned how much of an impact physical strength has on a man’s overall mood.
“Strong” is written into the male DNA, it is how God designed us. Want to encourage a guy? Tell him you appreciate his strength. (Guy’s I don’t recommend doing this to another man, it has inherently sexual overtones, hint hint wives!)
I am NOT saying that all real men are muscle bound bouncer looking guys! (In the words of Steve Carell, “Why, why do you need muscles on your shoulders like that?) I am simply pointing out that physical strength is an important component of every man’s self-image. If you do not feel strong for one reason or another it will have an impact on every area of your life.
Keep It In Mind
In a world where the average person is starting to look more like a circle then a rectangle, I think it is very important to remember our internal connection to feeling strong. If you have an injury, either temporary or permanent where you are unable to do some physical activities it is important to remember that this will “bleed” into other areas. I know when my back is giving me issues I tend to be argumentative and disagreeable. Now that I have identified these tendencies I can work to correct it. And now that Kate understands what goes on in my head when I’m laid up, she lets me know that she sees my strength even when I can’t lift anything for her.
Build It Up
I know that I always feel better emotionally, and yes even sexually when I have been getting exercise. This isn’t a post extolling the virtues of exercise but true is true! I feel better when I feel stronger.
Use it Correctly
Just because God build men stronger, and I’ve just written a whole post about how that is a good thing, I am not advocating using that strength inappropratly! Remember guys the standard to live by is “Love your wife as Christ loved the Church.” That is a strong love, but it is compassionate and tender in its strength!
Do other guys see the connecting between strength and self image?
Wives, do you tell your husband you think they are strong? How do they respond?
Great correlation! I am not a weight lifter, but I recently became a runner. I feel soo much more confident when I am regularly running – mentally, physically and sexually. My wife has always affirmed my physical appearance (and I have had to actively work to receive her compliments) but since I began running in January I can now “see” what she sees in those affirming comments – and our relationship and intimacy are better for it.
I’ve always thought that strength is one of a man’s sexiest attributes. Let me revise that — strength used properly. God has indeed made men generally stronger, with greater muscle mass, upper body strength, longer endurance, etc. When a husband uses that strength to protect and provide for his wife, that’s very appealing. But it isn’t just physical either. Even sexier is that deeper male strength that checks the noises at night, holds her when she’s hurting or crying, works hard at a job for the sake of family, etc. When a man channels his outer and inner strength for us wives and our families, it’s a beautiful thing. Great post, Brad!
J
Thank you! I really like how you put that, “When a man channels his outer and inner strength for us wives and our families, it’s a beautiful thing”
I think that is perfect! And a great thing for both husbands and wives to remember if any limitations in strength ever come up!
Thanks J!
When I was growing up the word love I never heard. I’m not sure that love was even part of our family. Anyway, hubby and I are very affectionate and hold hands often. We also tell each other I love you’ every single day and often many times each day. I like that way much better. Great advice here. Have a terrific day filled with love.
Thanks Lucy! We appreciate you commenting! Blessings to you and your hubby! Kate
I’ve never been a particularly “brutish” sort of guy, but in the past year or so my wife has been much more vocal about her admiration for me in various areas… physical strength, fatherhood, leadership (of the family AND in our church), etc. I used to just kind of laugh those things off, but slowly my laughter is dying out, being replaced by my being in awe that she actually feels that way about me.
I had surgery to fix a herniated disc last October, and I’m still feeling effects of that – the agonizing pain I originally had has been replaced with new “aches”, there are now limits to what I can accomplish physically, and so on. And aging certainly doesn’t help that any! My mind still believes I’m 25, but my body reminds me daily that my 46th birthday is only 4 months away. I used to think I would HATE getting older, but now that I’m here, I’m realizing that God often gives us wisdom that we didn’t have growing up. I’m learning SO MUCH about loving my wife, stuff that I didn’t realize even as recently as one year ago. Thank You Lord for teaching me! I want to continue to be a willing student!
When someone sipmly delights in you, they don’t need you to perform, they just want to you be happy. When looking at us, I’d bet God feels the same way. Very, very powerful words. I think if more people grasped this truth we would see so many more world changers in the church today. We’d see so many more people set free from themselves and set free to be themselves. I am going to work very hard this week to rest in that truth for my own life.