My Husband is a Greek God

Kate says . . .

Have you ever looked at your hubby and thought, “Now that is fine piece of artwork -mmhmm!”  That can be with or without clothes on, of course.  I know I have, often.  God has placed a desire within me for my husband and I find him phenomenally attractive.  Almost like a Greek God statue!  I will spare you the details of describing said statue. I wonder what other characteristics and expectations we wives place on our husbands that are God like in nature?

When we were young in our marriage, I often would look at Brad with frustration, wondering why he couldn’t be different, do things differently and be the man I was hoping he would be.  It is sad, and not a time I look back on fondly.  I struggled to understand why God had placed this amazing man in my life, yet he was never up to par.  I am wondering if any other wives out there have ever struggled this way?

After I started to step up to the plate and be the change I wanted to see in my own marriage, I realized that I had a problem.  I was putting expectations on my husband that only God could fulfill in my life.  I wanted Brad to be available and in tune with me so much that he would know and anticipate my needs and wants without me asking.  That was what love and marriage was all about, right?  I knew there would be times of disagreement and things we didn’t see eye-to-eye on, but I expected Brad to be my God on earth, in many ways.  I would have never said it that way at the time, because for many years I did not realize the expectations I was placing on him.

When I started to search God’s heart for being a Godly wife and draw nearer to him in the process, I realized many of the needs and expectations were being met, by God!  Exactly where they should be met.  I also discovered that when I stopped placing those things on Brad, he truly became the man of God that I desired.  Was it perfect? No and it never will be, but it was a much better, realistic version of my very human (and sexy) hubby!

Have you ever felt great frustration at your hubby, wanting him to be and do things differently?  Think about the expectations that you find yourself frustrated about, are they things that your husband can truly do for you? Or are they supposed to be things God fulfills in you?  What kind of expectations, you might ask?

Things such as:

  • Knowing and understanding every mood we have and what to do.
  • Knowing how to comfort us and how to make us feel better all the time.
  • Fulfilling our need for intimate emotional connection.
  • Making us feel loved, accepted and desired-all the time, even with the insecurities that were there long before our hubby entered the picture.
  • Wanting our hubby to go out of his way to tell us how beautiful we are all the time.
  • Hoping that our hubby will be a husband, a best girl friend, a mother and a father to us, especially if we had poor examples of them in our lives.
  • Thinking that our husband should love us and forgive us easily, no matter what offense we have caused.

Do any of these sound familiar as a theme in your thoughts towards your husband?  Be careful to think about it for a while, because in the beginning I would have denied that there were themes in my thinking that only God could fulfill.  Yet when you boiled it down, I was wanting my husband to do things for me that only my loving Savior can do.  If you find yourself thinking some of these very thoughts, here are few ways to help give these expectations to the one designed to handle them.

Talk to God

Share with him where you are struggling and the things that you want your husband to be for you, that only he can.  Cry out to Him for his help.  After all He is the one and only one who can help you through anything!

Write them down

I would encourage you to write down the exact things that you struggle with.  The things that you want your hubby to do and know that he cannot possibly meet that need all the time. Write them down and reflect on them daily in your prayer time. Reflect on how you are doing with putting that expectation on your hubby.

Talk to your hubby

Take a step, one that may be difficult, admit to your hubby that you are struggling.  Wanting him to be a super hubby and living up to expectations in certain areas and you realize that it is not fair.  Share how you desire to place those things on God and not on him.  It is GOOD to be transparent in your marriage.  To share the revelations God is placing on your heart, even if it means admitting you were wrong and asking for forgiveness.  Healing in marriage comes through vulnerability, transparency, asking and receiving forgiveness.

Does this mean my husband is off the hook?

Absolutely not!  All of the things that I have listed above, your hubby was designed to be a part of.  To lead you and nurture you in times of need.  But remember he is not God, he cannot read your mind and he does not have the ability to be everything to you.  The marriage relationship is unique and very special-like no other God has created.  Your hubby was created to be one with you and although that is significant, we are broken humans and he is not able to understand, read and help in every situation.  Just as we cannot anticipate and meet every need of our hubby’s, neither can he meet all of ours.

Philippians 4:19  And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. (NLT)

This was a hard revelation for me as Brad’s wife.  I very much dislike that I have done this to him over the years and there are times I still catch myself trying to put these God like expectations on him.  I would love to hear from you wives if this has ever been a challenge for you.  If so, how have you learned to keep that in check and go to God with the things that only he can help you with?

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20 Responses to My Husband is a Greek God

  1. Wow! I could’ve written that post! I had that same viewpoint of David being my “God on earth” for many years. In his words, I put him “on a pedestal” and my expectations were unrealistic at best. I honestly never realized it though. Once I did (i.e. once he pointed it out to me) I was able to seek God throughout the process of change and also seek God’s forgiveness because I had placed an idol before Him.

    Good post! I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone else touch on this before!

    • Thanks Lea! I have been mulling it over for sometime how much I did this in the past and how easy it is to fall back into those expectations. I too would put Brad on a pedestal, but was frustrated when he fell off-oh how much I needed to grow up! So thankful God has never given up on me and neither has Brad! Blessings to you and David! Kate

  2. It’s like you’re inside my head.. I dealt with a lot of the very same things for quite a while, and am still trying to watch that I don’t slip into old patterns. Thank you for this.

    • Hi Angel! LOL! I am glad to know that I am not the only wife who has struggled with this one. And you are right, it is very easy to slip right back into old patterns! Thanks so much for sharing! Blessings, Kate

  3. Great post, Kate! To some extent, though, I did let my husband off the hook and learned to accept what he could give me. God, however, did not let my husband off the hook, and when I got out of God’s way, the two of them were able to hash it out, so to speak. Our marriage is so much better for me finally learning to appreciate all that my husband provides me and take my other needs to God (and others whom God has placed in my life).

    • Hey J! Thanks for stopping by! I love the way you put it . . . getting out of God’s way! Amen sister! I too was standing in God’s way, yet the whole time convinced I wasn’t! Ugh! After God was working on my heart, I realized that Brad was an amazing hubby, even with his flaws! I had them too, yet was selfishly only concerned about his. Did I mention that I had a lot of growing up to do? Brad is a wonderful provider in all ways and he is totally the most sexy man on earth to me! I love that! So amazing what God can do when we open our hearts to His leading and will!

      Yeah for Adonis! 😉

  4. I appreciate this articles on all levels. Thank you for posting. This was a definite on time word for me. I can’t wait till Hubby comes home 🙂

  5. Simply brilliant, Kate. Thanks for your openness and transparency. You are helping so many wives see things from a new perspective. I love my Italian more each year. Ciao. 🙂

  6. Great post! I loved when I saw the title because I actually had those thoughts about my Greek god on our honeymoon! BUT just months later I can remember saying, “You are not being the way I want you to be!” (Thinking he would say, oh honey, how can I change to make you happy!) But my wise man said, “Really, what are YOU going to do about that?!” Still on that marvelous journey with my Greek god! Thanks for keeping us real!

    • Jenni, I LOVE that you shared that story! I did that not so long after the honeymoon too, but danced around the issue. It is a journey and I too am thankful for an amazing hubby who is a Greek god to me, and he has stuck by me through it all! 🙂

  7. I have been reading your posts on this blog for some time.
    I clicked on today to search it for some help and advice.
    I do feel like this is what I do to my husband, but then I also feel like I just CANT keep this marriage going myself. We’ve been married for 3 years, and although things are not all bad, I just feel as though although it seems fine to everyone else, our marriage doesnt have real love in it… we ‘love’ each other, and still show affection and kindness sometimes… but I feel like I am the only one who cares about keeping God at the centre. Sometimes I feel as though I cant ever expect him to meet any of the needs you mention because half the time I’m unsure if im married to a man who still wants to seek after God anymore…
    I dont want to write more on here as it just feels like its too open with too many people.
    you are so right about putting unreasonable expectations on our husbands, and I know I do that. Its just hard to think about changing your own attitudes when you feel as though you are alone in the struggle, and have no hope at the end even if you do start to change.

    • Hi Beth! Thanks for writing and sharing! Know that you need never share more then you wish. You are not alone in your situation or in your thinking. It is so hard to go at marriage where you feel like you are the only one working and centered in Christ. The best think I can share is probably the hardest thing to live out. That is to search God’s heart and His word. Be the wife he wants you to be, regardless of your hubby’s actions. It is not easy, yet God says clearly that he will bless us when we are obedient to His word. Please know that we am praying for you and your hubby! God can do all things in and through you! Blessings, Kate

      • Hi Beth,

        I actually had the opposite early in our marriage. My husband put me on a pedestal & within a year expressed he didn’t think he wanted to be married to me! Say what!! So I turned to him & said if you want to leave I can’t stop you, but I am not leaving. This led to a frank discussion about his expectations & mine too. Did he say sorry? No. But I knew I had to forgive him and not hold any resentment. Not easy. We are still married, happily, but I’ve learned to prayerfully & gently express my issue. It’s not easy because you may not get the response you want to hear but hopefully you & he can start a dialogue about the situation that leads to more intimacy and love. My husband struggles with his faith at times and it does affect me, but I pray for him that the Lord will work it out with him. And sometimes The Lord will prompt me or others to encourage him in a specific way. Praying the Lord has been working this out for you both.

  8. Absolutely I struggle with this! I am always thankful to God for finding you. Your articles with your husband is helping me and my husband so much. I love sharing your posts to I’d other couples we know. Thank you!