Kate says . . .
I know that some of you didn’t like the word nagging and wife going together in Brad’s last post, The Nagging Wife Syndrome. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves wives-all of us have been there. We have all pushed at times and pushing can very much seem like nagging. So, I’m taking on this bad habit but, remember when I say this that our husband’s have things they struggle with as well.
Communication is so important to a marriage and therefore it can be a major stumbling block too. How we listen, talk to and respond to each other both verbally and non-verbally tells our hubby a great deal.
“Thou Shalt Not Nag” feels like one of the Ten Commandments for wives. Do you ever feel like you are nagging? I know that I struggle with it here and there. I also know that I don’t like it! I don’t like to feel like I am nagging my hubby. So how can we battle the nagging feeling of wanting to nag?
Identify what you really need/want
What is the message you trying to get across to your hubby? If you keep telling him to clean up the living room, are you telling him that you are having guests and would like things cleaned up? Are you telling him that the house is always a mess and you are sick of it? Are you telling him that you are frustrated? Are you telling him that the kids spilled Cheerios all over and it needs to be vacuumed? Telling him that the living room needs to be cleaned up over and over again can mean so many different things. Help your hubby to understand where you are coming from and what you need him to help with.
Be specific about the timeline
No one likes to be treated like a child, especially your hubby! He is not one of the kids and you need to fight thinking of him that way. He is the God ordained head of your family and that should earn your love and respect. Even if you feel as though he has not stepped up to being head of the family. When you need his help, ask! Don’t expect him to just know what you need. Share with him your needs and also the timeline in which you would like to have your projects done.
I used to just mention things that Brad could do to help and he would say ok, but make no effort to do them. Then he would look at me and say “oh, you wanted me to do that now?” I never gave him a timeline so how was he to know. Now Brad will ask me a timeline if I forget to mention. Speaking these requests with grace is sometimes hard, but so needed. Think about how you ask for help. Pray and ask God to help you speak with kindness and respect for your hubby.
Be willing to let some things go
I know that I tend to have a list of things that need done and I want them all DONE! Yet I have learned to relax and be realistic about what really needs done and what can wait. So I try to mention that when I am asking, “You know, I would love for us to get that done today but if not, that is ok.” We women tend to be driven and determined-can I get an amen? Sometimes our determination steamroll right on over our hubby. Look at your list of things that need done and evaluate what truly needs done.
Share your feelings
No this is not a counseling session, but many times when we nag at our hubby we are really just wanting them to take an interest and be a comfort to us. Find a quiet time and share your feelings with him. Share your joys and stresses, your thoughts and ideas. As much as it would be nice to have your husband know your feelings and thoughts without asking, that would not be very intimate. God designed for us to engage one another so that we can have a personal relationship with our spouse.
For the Non-Nagging Wife
If this is you, I commend you! I do not think that I am overly nagging (you will have to ask Brad), yet there have been times I do struggle with expressing what I need or want in a way that is respectful and grace filled. Keep loving on your man and serving him in the ways God has designed you to do.
What do you think wives, is the nagging wife syndrome a myth or is there so real validity to it? Do you struggle with nagging? Share ways you have worked to overcome this! I would love to hear them so we can all learn from one another.