Brad says…
A few days ago Kate posted 10 Confessions of Another Sex Positive Wife. I thought it would be fun to jump in and share a few confessions from my side of the bed. So here they are my 10 sex confessions:
1. We have sex regularly and I still want my wife all the time!
Ok, I know that might not come as a shock to anyone, but I thought it would be a good place to start.
2. There are times I hit a wall.
Yes, there is a wall, I know because I’ve run into it! I have discovered that there are times when sex is not the first thing on my mind. When we were first married I told Kate, “Anywhere, anytime, even in the middle of the night, just let me know.” Now that we have an active sex life… Well let’s just say, I like my sleep too!
3. There are some times of day that just don’t work for me.
I’ve discovered that different times of the day dramatically change the whole experience. Some of them work much better then others!
4. I suggested sex to bring on the labor of our first child.
True confession time. It was 4 days after our son’s due date. Kate was restless, I was anxious. I suggested that sometimes sex will induce labor. To my surprise she said, “Sure, if it helps great!”
Well it worked! It was years later we discovered that while this method works, it has a tendency to speed up and intensify labor pain. Hmmm. Maybe that’s why her contractions started 2 minutes apart. Oops!
5. I still fight a fear of rejection when I initiate sex.
I have a wife who publicly declares that like sex, and yet I still fight a fear of being rejected when I initiate time together. I’m not alone in this area. Many guys have told me that the fear of rejection cripples their sex life, even after their wife encourages them to initiate. It’s a big issue, and one that I plan on writing more about in the future!
6. I still feel embarrassed to ask for specifics.
In “A Story of Zing 1 & Zing 2” I encouraged husbands to talk about specific sexual desires they are thinking about. Yet putting that into practice is difficult. There is a fear of rejection, but it is compounded by a fear of hearing a “euuu Yuck!” response.
This fear doesn’t only exist for things that could be considered “zings”. I’ve felt its attack when simply thinking of suggesting a specific “normal” something to do.
7. Nothing is more sexy than her enjoyment!
I wish I could crawl in her head and discover all of the thoughts, ideas, positions, things she would like to try.
The problem is that’s a guy’s brain I’m thinking about, not hers. Most women don’t think about sex in the same way we do. So the thoughts are (I’m told) more about connection, joining, and enjoying together and somewhat less about details of that time.
8. I dislike asking at all when it would be only one-sided.
Rocking her world rocks mine, and I have found that I don’t enjoy asking when I know that we won’t have an opportunity to make it mutual. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy doing it, but I really feel awkward and uncomfortable asking.
9. I’m still very visual and really like what I see!
Nuff said.
10. On a Menu, I choose variety!
There is nothing wrong with the usual! I like the usual! But when we have the time, energy, and imagination for variety… Wow!
Alright guys… now’s your chance. Do you have any confessions of a sex positive husband?
I identify with all of these except #4. I don’t remember doing that but, if I had thought of it, I probably would have done it.
5. I still fight a fear of rejection when I initiate sex.
and
6. I still feel embarrassed to ask for specifics.
#5 and #6 stuck out to me because of my own struggles with these, intimacy (making one’s self known) isn’t for the faint of heart. I’ve written about this more than once, probably because it hits so close to home and, while it’s easy to say, “Grow up and just do it!” it’s not as easy as it sounds.
Thanks for sharing!
My top 3 would be #5, #5, and #6 (because of #5). If I had to add one more it would be #1 (even after 25+ years)
Great list, I could have written every one of these myself. Except the sex to bring on labour: I suggested it, but never got taken up on the offer.
Good to know I’m not alone.
Ditto! Great list.
I wonder how many guys struggle with #5 and #6? Probably a lot. I know I do, and they are keeping me from asking about, initiating, or even talking to my wife about sex. Its pretty sad really, because it leaves me sexually frustrated almost all the time, and yet, I know my wife just isnt into sex … at all … so that makes me not want to ask at all because of #8
[...] 10 Confessions of a Sex-Positive Husband from Brad at One Flesh Marriage Share [...]
I don’t know about other women, but from what I hear, the sex would be much better and welcomed if the husband would have a emotional and mental connection and share in the home/work/kids responsibility. Through out the days, not just when the approach to sex is wanted.
Debra,
Thank you for your comment! This is essential for men to recognize. Sharing responsibilities at home can not be a “Tat for Tit” situation! It simply doesn’t work that way. We can not only dive in to “help” with expectations later. I totally agree. I will challenge you however that while women typically feel most emotionally connected just before sex, men feel that connection afterwords. Husbands will often use sex to reconnect emotionally and mentally. This might not work, but just because he uses sexual intimacy to bring on emotional intimacy does not mean the other isn’t there first.
Thank you for your comment!
The last comment is so true I have found that my hubby is more perceptive afterward and once he just needed so i helped him with no expectation and he got up after and took the garbage out I know it sounds like nothing but it is a sign that he hears me better once his mind is clear and his body relaxed.
Hi Desiree! Absolutely! Thank you for sharing this, I think we wives need to hear it. So many times we want to helpful action first, then we will think about other things. That unfortunatly is a selfish, me first attitude. If we focus on putting the other first always, it will be a cycle that will bring many blessings. Blessings to you and your hubby! Kate
I love the enthusiasm for marriage on your blog. It is great to hear that marriage sex is the best.
All I can say is thank you for all the info and posts above. My marriage is a disaster and my husband keeps saying that I just don’t “get it” but now I think I do.
Thats awesome Stephanie! Hope it helps! Blessings, Kate