4 Guides For The Road From Alone to Together

Kate says . . .

Brad’s post, Journey Alone started a series we are doing for all the people who share that they feel alone in this journey of marriage. They desperately desire a better marriage but feel totally alone in that desire. Even if it is difficult there is still hope and healing in God’s plan for marriage. Even if you are the only one ready to make changes, change can happen!

There are no magic words that I can give you to change your marriage from a one man (or woman) marriage to a one flesh marriage together. I honestly wish there were.  But there is hope, the journey from feeling married alone back to together is not a short trip.  You didn’t get here over night and you won’t return quickly either. Here are 4 guides to help you start the trip and keep you focused on the goal during the difficult traveling!

Guide 1. Remember: We are not in control!

When things are bad we tend to desire to be in control. Feeling like our world will spin out of control is frightening. We think that if we cling to control of our lives then we will feel better. But maintaining control is exhausting, and many times it leaves us coming apart slowly. Admit to yourself, that even though you are trying to maintain control, things are a mess.

I always knew that I was not in control, in theory, but that never stopped me from trying to control things anyway. All the while, things were spinning out of control! God has shown me over and over again, that He is in control! I know that sounds cliché, but it is so very true.

God is there to mold and shape us, to work within our hearts and minds. We merely have to be open to what God wants to do within our lives, our walk with Him and our marriage.

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. (Psalm 46:1-2, NLT)

How do you give control back to God?

In my journey, there are times I had to commit to leaving situations in God’s hands. I pray tell him to take control then mentally walk away. Of course later I would start worrying or feel the need to exert control once again, but don’t give up. Go back to God talk with God and commit the situation to Him again.

Keep giving the control to God as many times as you need to! Leave your marriage in His hands.  It will be hard but it is the best move for your marriage!

Guide 2. Read God’s Words for Husbands or Wives!

Don’t go looking for what your spouse should be doing, dive into his word for you! There is no better place to go when looking for how we should be a wife or a husband. There are many self-help marriage books out there, and while many of them are good, nothing beats the Scriptures. Submerge yourself into the scriptures about how to be a better wife or husband.

Guide 3. You Can Only Change You!

We have to accept that we can only change ourselves! This may be the hardest reality to swallow in marriage. If we really want to see a change in our marriage then we have to be the ones to step up and be the change that we want to see.

Focusing on what God wants us to do as either a wife or a husband in our marriage, is a great way to be the person God wants us to be. We are responsible for how we act, what words we choose to use, what attitudes we take on daily and how we treat others around us. Now take that sentence and add your spouse’s name . . .

  • I am responsible for how I act towards Brad.
  • I am responsible for what words I choose to use when speaking to Brad.
  • I am responsible for what attitudes I take on in regards to my marriage and Brad.
  • I am responsible for how I treat Brad.

Guide 4. A Servants Heart!

If you are journeying alone towards better marriage right now, find ways to love, respect and serve your spouse. Serving your spouse is one of the best ways to move towards healing and restoring a relationship!

Serving is a mindset, not an action

Serving is not only cleaning the kitchen floor or picking up piles of clothes, it is a change of attitude and mindset to put your spouse’s needs before your own. Serving your spouse is showing them how much you value them.

Pray for God to show you ways you can serve your spouse. Search your heart on ways to serve your spouse that maybe you haven’t done for years!  Look to the answers of the questions Brad asked you to research in “Journey Alone”.

Sometimes it feels so much more comfortable and easy to stay stuck in our own selfishness, but there are so many blessings you will encounter when you take up a servant’s heart with your spouse!

Have you been on this journey? What guides can you share for those who are just about to start?

Need prayer? Let us know in the comments we would love to pray for your journey!

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6 Responses to 4 Guides For The Road From Alone to Together

  1. Kate – thank you guys for doing this series. Very, very important stuff here.

    So much great insight and advice:

    “Don’t go looking for what your spouse should be doing, dive into his word for you!”

    “We have to accept that we can only change ourselves!”

  2. Solid counsel, and it is indeed a journey. I appreciate the way you bring it back to the first relationship–the one between me and God. My relationship with my spouse won’t be better than my response to the Lord and my relationship with Him.

  3. I too have been in a journey alone with respect to our marriage. We’ve been married now for 10 years. The challenges I faced had to do with my husband’s diagnosis of Adult ADHD and generalized & socialized anxiety disorder. It has taken me this long to understand what I can and cannot do to make our marriage the way I’d like it to be. I find prayer, reading the bible, and working on myself have really helped us move forward in our relationship. My husband is a kind, loving, spiritual man. I needed to learn to let go and let God. What a sense of freedom comes from doing just that! I will pray for those who are just starting out on their journey to becoming one flesh in their sacramental of marriage.

    • Anne,
      Wow thank you for sharing your journey! Wow what a testimony of how shifting yourself can impact your marriage! I hope everyone at the start of the journey can be inspired!