Kate says . . .

Brad and I are just home from our family vacation this summer as well as sharing in a family wedding last weekend.  To say that the summer has been busy seems like the understatement of the century.  Yet I know we are not alone!  Life has a way of running away from us if we allow it.  Sometimes it just steamrolls us anyway.

Even when life is going smooth, there can still be bumps in the road along the way.  Every marriage has struggles!  We are no exception to that.  Brad and I still struggle, yet we have gotten to a place where we struggle well!

Struggling vs Struggling Well

If you all could come and spend a day with our family in our home, you would realize that we are no different from anyone else.  Perhaps a glimpse into our lives would shock you, or make you laugh or just feel normal.

We get up every morning and start our day.  Some days we do this well, others – not so well.  I still haven’t gotten to that point in my adult life where I am used to getting up early.  My mom assures me it will happen, but at 35 years old, I seriously wonder when!  We send Brad off to work and then the kids and I head to the school room.  Did you know that homeschool kids love school?  Well at least for the first two weeks of the year.  We have good days, sad days, fun days and down days.  There are moments of great joy as well as times of frustration and anger.

Many years ago when we struggled it was with a spirit of selfishness and disconnect.  Now when we struggle there is a sense of unity:  How can we walk through this together as one flesh? We actually struggle well, because we both have the end goal of walking through the rocky path and coming out stronger and wiser.

3 Things to Remember to Struggle Well

Remember: We are Broken Humans

Accepting the fact that we are all going to struggle is vital to your one flesh journey.  We are all human and therefore will struggle with other humans.  Many of you may think that you have known this for years, but have you allowed yourself the right to struggle in life?  I tend to look at life and think that we all should be able to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.  I was brought up that way and it is a dynamic I deal with daily.  Giving myself permission to struggle has been, well-a big struggle for me!  This does not mean that I allow myself to get stuck, yet I have learned that butting heads with struggles really just makes them worse.  Anyone else stubborn like me?

Remember: You are on the Same Team, with the Same Goal

Even though we may disagree, we are still on the same team.  It is very easy to get wrapped up in the issue and not see the goal line for what it truly is.  When you are in a heated moment, try taking your hubby’s hand and saying, “I love you and we are on the same team,  I want to work through this in a way that is good for both of us.”  It brings the focus back to where you need it.  Just like any part of life, struggling is complicated and hard.  It takes work, patience, grace and love to struggle well.

Romans 5: 1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (NIV)

Remember: Struggling Well Has Benefits

Working through struggles together, struggling well, is going to grow your marriage in ways that joy and fun cannot.  It is through struggling that we many times feel compelled to give it all to God and allow him full control.  We get on our knees and acknowledge that we cannot do this alone, that we need His refining fire to work in us and in our marriage.

2 Corinthians 2:9

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.   (NLT)

This verse is so amazing to me.  Jesus knew that He would be most able to work in our lives when we were at our weakest point.  We are stubborn people, are we not?  Yet there is great hope in this verse as well.  God wants to work through struggles and bring us to a better place afterwards.  We are a testament to His making beautiful things out of our ashes.

I still don’t like to have disagreements and fights, but they are a part of our sinful nature.  Keep focused on working through these struggles together.  Find ways to struggle well in your marriage, so that you continue forward on your one flesh journey.

Do you feel that you struggle well in your marriage?  What is keeping you from doing so?  I would enjoy hearing what you all think about struggles in marriage.