Melt A Stone Heart

To celebrate OFM’s 2nd birthday we are answering the top 6 reader’s questions:
Question #2 – What if my spouse doesn’t want to change or make things better?

Kate says…

“How do I get my husband to change?” This is one of my favorite questions that people ask. It is my favorite simply because I remember asking myself the same thing many times.

I wanted our marriage to change. I wanted things to get better, but honestly I wanted Brad to step up and do most of the changing. Or at least I wanted him to start changing first.

The first thing you need to remember is this: YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR HUBBY, only God can! And really, as hard as it is to accept, it is not our job to change them. I know I struggled with that for many years of our marriage. I wanted to change him, and I wanted him to change for me. It doesn’t work.

The next thing you need to remember is: You can be the change you want to see in your own marriage.

Let that sink in. You can be the change you want your hubby to be. You can step up and be the wife God is calling you to be in the scriptures. What does that look like exactly? I have many ideas on that and have shared them many times here on the blog, but really the best way to find out what that looks like is to dive into the scriptures yourself.

It doesn’t have to be fancy or theological. Get a concordance and look up the word wife. Read through all the Bible verses and the stories that share about wives. Pray the scriptures over your marriage and yourself. Ask God to reveal to you what he wants you to learn from the wives of the Bible. When you ask, he will answer!

Learning to leave your hubby in God’s hands and working on yourself only is very hard. Once you get started, it gets easier in many ways, though you will still struggle-we all do! The greatest part is that through our obedience, God blesses us. Seek to be obedient to his word for you as a wife. Pray and talk to him about what he desires for you. Not what he desires for the wives in your neighborhood, your church or your family – but you and you alone!

Be the change you want to see in your own marriage, you won’t be sorry you did!

Share how have you stepped up and become the wife God asks of you? How has God blessed your marriage through that obedience?

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10 Responses to Melt A Stone Heart

  1. “Be the change you want to see in your own marriage, you won’t be sorry you did!” Agree with Paul – so true!

    Change starts inside you first (your heart changes), then grows to outside you (your actions and words change) and eventually leads your spouse to change too.

  2. God has worked in my heart a lot recently. One of the biggest things He asked me to do was to stop complaining in my heart/head when my husband didn’t do something I wanted or didn’t do something the way I wanted it. Instead, He has impressed upon my heart to pray for an attitude check with my Lord first and then to pray for my husband. I started praying for my husband more frequently and more deeply and all the sudden, my husband has stepped up his spiritual leadership. He’s praying with me more regularly, he wants to read God’s Word together, he’s praying Scripture over me, he’s remembering to do things without me asking, etc. I can’t credit anyone but God. I’m so blessed and most importantly, I not only feel my husband’s love and leadership more, but I feel God’s love more. Praise the Lord that He got hold of my heart, broke me of my stubbornness, and told me to take a step back and let Adam lead.