To celebrate OFM’s 2nd birthday we are answering the top 6 reader’s questions:
Question #6 – What do I do if I don’t feel my spouse is attractive anymore?
As the number of anniversaries grows we grow and change as a couple. Once we are married we usually allow ourselves to get comfortable together, which is a good thing! We are not looking to find a husband or wife anymore, so we get comfy. The reality is, we are going to change over the years and while not all of the change will be fun, from a personal standpoint it doesn’t have to be negative!
Change is going to happen. How we feel about these changes will greatly affect our marriage. Do we see them as the continued work of an amazing God on a masterpiece that is yet to be completed? Or do we see them as a masterpiece being altered?
A Changing Masterpiece
Would I love for my hubby to stay the same hunk I married many years ago? While part of me says yes, the other part of me (the part that wins out every time) says I am greatly enjoying the more mature, slightly older version of my hubby. His physical features have changed, but so has the rest of him. The piece of art God is creating in him is truly amazing.
The other thing we need to remember is that we have changed over the years too! I am not the spring chicken I once was. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true! My reaction to him has also changed over the years as well. It is not always a hot and instant passion, but more of a low eternal flame that is always burning and just needs a little encouragement to turn into the hot, intense heat of passion.
We wives can “look again for the first time” at our hubby’s! We rather then trying to change the painting we can embrace who they are now and the sexy masterpiece they have become. Need a few ideas?
Spend Time Re-exploring your Hubby’s Body
Give him a long sensual massage, spending time getting to know each area of him. Don’t just think about how it may have changed, but embrace, love and admire who he has become. Touch him often, give hugs, kisses and snuggles. Observe and enjoy his body with your hands and other senses. If you do this often, the differences of time will become blurry and eventually all you can see is the sexy man in front of you.
Tell Him What you Love About His Body
Our guys need to hear us telling them how sexy they are. They need it just as much as we want and need to hear how beautiful we are! What do you admire most about your hubby’s body? If you are still unsure, go back to step 1! There are parts of my hubby I have always loved and I share that with him. There are parts, as a more mature wife, I have come to greatly enjoy. Tell your husband how much you appreciate these areas of his body. And don’t forget to just show him too! 🙂
Roll it all together
When marriage, sex, and our hubby’s body doesn’t seem the same as it used to be remember to think of ALL the ways you hubby has grown and matured. Being loved and embraced for who we are is a vital part of a one flesh marriage journey. Being loved even with our faults, to be totally known by our spouse-that kind of connection is what I believe God wants us to focus on.
It’s A Gift
As his wife, his body is yours (1 Corinthians 7). That is a precious gift, given to us! If you find yourself worried about his differences and your attraction to him, pray that God will help you to re-explore your his body. Pray for him to grow to cherish his body even more than when you were first married.
It is my hope that all the wives out there will connect or re-connect with their sexy husband who still fans that slow, eternal flame within them. Make a point to share how much you love your husband’s body today!
We need to love and find our spouse attractive through all phases of life. Will your attraction grow and change in different ways? Absolutely! Celebrate that and focus on rediscovering one another.
Have you struggled with finding your spouse attractive at different times in your marriage?
How did you refocus your thinking to the positive?
This is post #2 in the CMBA 1/2 Marathon Blogging Challenge to post everyday for 13 days in October.