Fix My Broken Brain

Brad says…

I’ve discovered that men’s brains cannot be trusted. No that isn’t an insult, it is true. The most important part of our body is utterly flawed. Every time something doesn’t go well in our marriage our brain tries to trick us into thinking the worst possible thing about the one we love.

  •  “She never wants to have sex, she hates me.”
  • “She picks on every little thing I do, she doesn’t care how I feel.”
  • “I ask what she wants to do and all she says is,“I don’t care”, she doesn’t want to spend time with me.”

It is so easy for our brain to slip into the negative. We take every slightly irritated comment or every partially rolled eye as the evidence we need to prove that things are not alright. This is especially true when it involved anything we deem important. Our brain quickly turns every “What a long day” into “don’t you dare try to ask for sex tonight!”

Broken Brain on Kids

In Kate’s post, “The Original Two” she encouraged wives to remember that the marriage came first. For husbands we need to not only remember the original two, but we need to remember that our wife remembers too! Many times we see the time and affection that goes to our children and our brain says, “She loves them more than she will ever love me”. This faulty thinking starts to push us away from our wife and children.

Our faulty brain feeds us these assumptions, “She hates me”, “She doesn’t care”, or “She is too busy for me” and then we start to act as if it were the truth.

What Ever Is True

Philippians 4:8 reminds us to think on what is true.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” NLT

This is a one of the most important verses to remember whenever you feel irritated by your wife! Stop and ask yourself, what is true? What is real? What do you know about your wife?

Stopping the Broken Brain

Don’t allow your brain to run away with you! What is true? Does your wife really hate you when she says no to sex? No, there are millions of other reasons for saying no. Does your wife really not care how you feel? Does your wife really mean I don’t want to even touch you when she says, “I had a long day?”   A large percentage  of the time the answer is, NO!

Our brains run away with us and automatically think the worst about our wife’s intentions. Stop yourself and start to ask yourself, what is true?

Change Your Picture

This is the woman you married. She loves you, she cares about you. If you can remind yourself about that truth, all the sudden the picture changes.

  • She isn’t irritated at you, she is frustrated by the long list of tasks she has.
  • She isn’t saying no to you, she is saying she had a long day.
  • She isn’t poring affection onto the kids to spite you, she is a good mom.

Keep the picture of your true wife in your head at all times and you might find your brain works much better!

Photo © Alexey Lobur []

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2 Responses to Fix My Broken Brain

  1. So true! Oftentimes, when my husband is doing something differently than I would, I ask why he is doing it that way. He usually takes my why as “you’re doing it wrong” when in actually I think his way is probably better than mine and I am asking in hopes of learning a better way to do it myself in the future.
    So while I am thinking how smart and inventive he is he feels attacked and bites my head off.

    • Curious Wife,
      Thanks for your comment. You are correct that often our words do not really reflect our thoughts well. Now that you know this happens I think you can probably think about a better way to ask your question.

      Could he hear you different, yes, but we can also learn to choose our words wisely so as not to “hit our spouses buttons”.

      Thanks again for your comment!