The Original Two

Kate says . . .

As we are coming closer to Christmas, my busy season of photography will be coming to a close. So you know what that means, my kitchen floor hasn’t been mopped in, well I can’t remember the last time and the rest of our house needs a good scrubbing as well. In my job I have the pleasure of meeting many different and unique couples. I love to hear their stories as they share them with me while capturing these precious moments for them. It is an honor I do not take lightly. 

One couple I was working with, asked after their family pictures, if we could take a picture of just the two of them-husband and wife. She looked at her hubby, gave him a fist bump and said, “After all we were the original two, right?” That brought a smile to my face right away and I told them how awesome that was.

How easy it is to lose our identity as the original two when our awesome kids enter the picture. In many ways our identity as a family does change and it has to. However our children enter our lives, they need us and it is our job to raise them as Jesus has called us. On the other hand it is vital to our marriage and to God’s design for marriage to keep the original two separate at times from the rest of the crew.

In keeping the original two-visible we can do things like date nights and weekends away. Those things are so important and every marriage should work hard to keep those apart of your marriage. Aside from those, I think how we treat each other in front of the rest of the “crew,” is also just as important.

Uninterrupted Conversations

Oh how little ones love to interrupt things. It comes from the beginning of life and needing everything and goes until they desire complete independence. When your kids get to an age where they can understand that interrupting conversations is not nice, it is a good time to stop allowing them to interrupt you and your hubby while you are talking. This is something that has really been a positive for both us- the original two and our kids. It gives us the time we need to talk and shows the kids that while we are a family, they are not the center of our world. It also is a great modeling of marriage for when they are married and have kids.

Mommy and Daddy Time

Maybe it is 10 minutes each day, perhaps it is every Friday morning. Whatever time you have free and can ear mark as just mommy and daddy time-do it! Encourage your kids that this is time for them to play together or perhaps watch their favorite show together. Take a little time out regularly for just the two of you.

First Hello and Last Goodbye

Whether you both work or not, when you are saying goodbye for the day, be sure that your kids go first then you last. When coming home, you get to be first and the kids next. The original two, first!

It’s in the Little Things

These are all common enough things, but it is the little things that can help keep the original two focused. The big things such as weekends away are so great. I look forward to them for weeks, months even! Yet the little things sustain us and keep us connected on a daily basis. It is the attention to the needs of our spouse and marriage daily. Don’t you think the original two deserve it?

Do you ever feel pulled to become all mom and not so much wife? How do you find ways to keep your “original” two identity?

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8 Responses to The Original Two

  1. I read your blog off and on but have never commented til now..

    What about if u and hubby AREN’T the original two?In blended families… I had a son at 18(previous boyfriend’s) ,my husband and I have been married since he was almost 2. He is now 4 and I find it hard still to look at him as second..since he wasn’t…although I do know Gods design is hubby and wife as number 2, behind Him. We also have a 17mo. old nursing daughter :/

    Help?

    • Hi Anonymous! You raise a very important issue. Blended families definitely add a twist to the original two concept. I think maybe it is a place where the word “original” breaks down. I was thinking on what you said and trying to come up with another word that would work, nothing great comes to mind though! Perhaps the “prioritized two”. 🙂 Not coming from or being a blended family, I feel that I cannot give the best advice or perspective. I would say that finding another couple in your church that has a strong marriage focus and is a blended family would be such a wonderful resource, encouragement and accountability.

      Aside from that, you are right that even within your blended family, God still asks for the marriage to be a priority over the children. When a blended family is new, I would imagine it is not that easy and things need to be done prayerfully and slowly. Yet it is always good for the kids to know how the family order works. Even though this may be hard for them at times and want to rebel against it-they truly do yearn for you to show them that! They will also need plenty of reassurance that they are still very important in your life. My hubby has had the opportunity to work with many blended families and has seen many navigate these sometimes rough waters. Finding a licensed Christian counselor is a good way for the whole family to talk and open up about their joys and fears through the process of blending! Julie over at Intimacy in Marriage (awesome blog) has a similar situation in her life and has a blended family. She is a dear friend and I am sure she would love to share what has helped her! Here is her site, http://intimacyinmarriage.com/

      Thanks for asking such a great question and getting us talking about this! Blessings to you and your beautiful family! Kate

  2. Such a great post! And not just for young families. As my youngest is preparing to go off to college I am so happy that the original two of us have a strong relationship as we face “empty nest”. There will even be some great things about it!

    • I think that is so important for all of us to remember, that when we are in the empty next stage, God intended for it to be the original two again. So we have to nurture that all those years, those hard, busy, stressful and joyfilled years. You are so wise and I know I am already gleaning from you and Scott. When we get to the empty next stage, I will be callin! Hugs! Kate

  3. Great article, Kate! It’s funny how close to home this one comes for Tiffani and I… we had our first two babies VERY young, and then she had her tubes tied right after the birth of our 2nd. 12 years later we had that reversed, and God proceeded to bless us with 4 more living children (and 3 angels in Heaven waiting for us.) It is very likely that had God not given us the further blessings, we would have been empty-nesters 4-5 years ago. For perspective, I turned 46 this year.

    I love my dear wife and consider her to be my very best friend on earth… when/if the day comes that all of our children have moved out on their own, I don’t forsee any problems with taking her hand and walking out the rest of our days as best of friends & lovers!

  4. […] The Original Two – Oh how little ones love to interrupt things. It comes from the beginning of life and needing everything and goes until they desire complete independence. When your kids get to an age where they can understand that interrupting conversations is not nice, it is a good time to stop allowing them to interrupt you and your hubby while you are talking. This is something that has really been a positive for both us- the original two and our kids. It gives us the time we need to talk and shows the kids that while we are a family, they are not the center of our world. It also is a great modeling of marriage for when they are married and have kids. […]