Sexy and Confident

10 Day Challenge – Day 6

Brad says…

Today’s challenge is all about attitude! Let’s get a few facts straight…sexy confident wife

  1. Your husband loves you
  2. Your husband knows what you look like naked
  3. Your husband loves what you look like naked

I know that when you look in the mirror you might see areas you want to improve. When your husband is looking at you naked, he does not see those things. He sees you and he likes what he sees!

Today I challenge you to look at yourself with his eyes, and then “wear” that confidence as you have foreplay! Ladies, confidence is sexiest attribute you have. Unfortunately many husbands don’t get to see it very often. You can wear confidence in how you approach him or in your appearance. Pick out a few ideas to try, or make up your own!

Wear confidence in your approach

  • Saying you desire to be together is very exciting. Tell him!
  • He may know its coming today, but make sure to show him and tell him it is coming anyway.
  • Play hard to get with a smile that says “you’re going to get it”

Wear confidence in your appearance

What makes lingerie sexy is the way you wear it. Pick out his favorite piece (or nothing at all) and wear it with the confidence that you look fantastic. Wearing the “I look amazing and I know it” look on your face will drive him wild!

Guys, what ways does your wife show you confidence that you enjoy?

Ladies, do you have other ideas to show him confidence?

How is the challenge going?

Share with us in the comments!

Washing in the Word:

To give you the opportunity to grow in all areas of intimacy during the 10 Day Challenge, take time to read these “Washing in the Word” moments together.

Philippians 4: 8-13
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me – everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ,who gives me strength. (NLT)

10 Day Challenge Day 6 Giveaway!

Today’s awesome giveaway is a copy of Shannon Ethridge’s book, The Sexually Confident Wife. Shannon is an author with amazing insights and she is not afraid to tackle the hard issues. One lucky person will win a copy of the book, but we encourage everyone to check it out!

Check out Kate’s thoughts and review of The Sexually Confident Wife.

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40 Responses to Sexy and Confident

  1. Always a nice time when when my honey wears something “pretty”. 🙂 She did last night 🙂

  2. I didn’t realize how hard this challenge would be. Life gets in the way and Satan tries hard to pull us apart at the seams.

    • When you stop and think about this, it shows an amazing fact. As intimacy goes up (all intimacy not just sexual) Satan gets worried! A marriage in God’s design is a powerful weapon against the enemy! Claim victory and cling to each other!

      • Yes, Brad! Somewhere very recently (maybe today?/ …BUSY day! lol)
        I saw something about “fear doesn’t kick in until you’re doing something important.” I think the same applies to any & all attack of the enemy. THANK YOU JESUS, GREATER ARE YOU WITHIN US, so we will NOT become weary in WELL-DOING…;)

  3. Confidence…I have seen my dear wife blossom so much over the years that I sometimes call her Thriving Rose in our emails. I also use the endearment “Lady Rose”. One of the most important factors in her confidence boost has been my prayers for her and with her. We are commanded in the Word to come boldly to the Throne of Grace to find help in time of need so men, what will motivate us to do so more and more for our wives? And not just for sexual confidence! May the Lord Jesus so live His life through us, men, that we would listen, pray, nurture, cherish, and lead with love, servanthood and courage through the grace of the Lord, empowered by His Holy Spirit since He is the One who knows the heart of our beloved better than we. In the firm and eternal grip of grace! Blessings!

    • That’s a great reminder Bill! I appreciate you standing up and saying that a wife’s confidence is impacted either positively or negatively by our actions and words! Very true!

  4. My husband read this post and said “uh huh…that’s true!” This will be a big challenge for me, but one that will help both me and my husband. Thanks for today’s challenge!

    • I love challenging the guys in posts most of the time, but as soon as we decided to mix things up and have me talk to the ladies, I knew this was going to be a post! Confidence is such a turn on! I hope that you heard your husband’s “uh huh” not just telling you to do something, but also telling you how much he liked what he saw and that he just wants to see more!
      Wear a smile and enjoy!

    • Haylie, I’d just love to further encourage you that although even after a couple years it’s still a challenge! and I say “encourage” because as long as we have a challenge we can remember we can only rely on GOD’s strength, no matter WHAT area of life!
      Additionally, when it’s a challenge & we do it anyway, that is another way we can love our mate selflessly, thus manifesting the sacrificial Love of the Father in our marriage!)

  5. I will be forwarding this post to my wife. I tell her these things all the time, but I think it is important for it to be confirmed by outside sources. I tell her she’s beautiful, and I get the “Oh, but you’re biased.” response.

  6. Thank you for today’s challenge…my dear hubby was reading over my shoulder affirming…ugh…I have more work to do!

    • Hi eb! Draw closer to God (read his Word) and let His words of how much he loves you and thinks your beautiful-allow them to be balm to your soul. In the same way draw near to your hubby and allow his words of how beauitful he thinks you are to be balm to your heart. Only his and God’s opinions truly matter. He loves you and thinks your beautiful-believe it! I know it is hard, been there! I spent to many years feeling I was not worthy of the words Brad would speak to me. But as my heart is open to Christ’s love and what he thinks of me, I am able to hear and recieve what Brad says! Blessings, Kate

  7. I LOVE that there is Scripture in each of these posts. It’s such a fundamental basis for everything else and I’m loving the reminder. Thanks!

  8. This seems to be one of the hardest things for my wife to accept. I have been telling her how beautiful she is, especially naked, for as long as we have been married. However, it has yet to sink in, and she continues to be ashamed of her body. I won’t stop telling her, but I wish she would believe me.

    This is our third attempt at the challenge. The first two times we dropped out after only a few days for reasons too complicated to explain here. This time we have missed days one, four, and five, but I am not giving up like I did the previous two times. Maybe we can shoot for 50% participation this year and better next year.

    • I’ll be praying for “Andrew’s wife” as well as for you, that God will give you specific strategies according to her love languages & the struggles He shows you where satan attacks her, so that you can cover her in these specific areas. That you will not grow weary in well-doing… especially in praying. My husband has only recently begun been praying for me on a regular basis. We just celebrated 21 yrs marriage and while we always had what we considered a Christian marriage, the vast difference which has taken place is impossible to describe. Even when there’s a week when he doesn’t pray WITH me or OVER me, just KNOWING he’s praying for me and seeing the results start to develop has awakened something in me… something incredible! I obviously am not making any judgments on what you’ve done up til now; I only know that my heart leapt when I read your post and I believe God wants to speak to you & minister to your heart & life & marriage like never before!!

      • Hi Andrew! Keep seeking to tell and show your wife, how beautiful she is to you! Keep answering God’s call in doing so. Also you can be a huge encourager to her by drawing closer to God and hopefully she will join you in that. I know for me, when I truly recieved and accepted how God loves me and that I am beautiful in His eyes, is when I was able to hear and recieve my hubby’s praise. We have to understand our value in Christ first. When the world keeps telling us a lie, that we have no value, unless we look a certain way, sadly we buy the lie instead of the truth of Christ. Keep seeking God on how to love and show your wife how beautiful you think she is! Blessings, Kate

  9. This is very tough for any woman. After 7.5 years of marriage, I’m just now starting to really believe it.

  10. Matt says “The challenge has been fun. It’s also been a challenge at times, we are learning each other, we’ve been enjoying reading the blogs. This whole challenge has been giving us something to look forward to.”

    Z says “I agree with what Matt has said. I’d like to add that this challenge has me praying as to how we can keep it going after the challenge is over due to how much Matt’s been really encouraged by it. If not doing it every day, but just giving him something to look forward to. Instead of keeping him guessing or wondering if we’re going to have sex tonight!” LOL

    • Matt & Z
      thanks for your comment! It is awesome to hear how you have been growing together in the challenge!

      One of the things the 10 Day Challenge does is set a “new normal” of intimacy! Hang on to that. Obviously it won’t be daily, but don’t let it drift back to what it was either.

      The other lesson from the challenge is look at what you removed in order to make time. Maybe it was TV, maybe it was cleaning, maybe it was something else. Before you jump back into the other stuff make sure you thing about which is really the priority! You might find a new balance of intimacy and other stuff developing!

  11. Brad & Kate, I think a big point many many women miss is how important it is for us to VOICE our desire and how much it can potentially break down our husband’s resolve and even all-around confidence when he has doubts. Those doubts, in my experience are most fed by my lack of “fully committing” if you will, from voice to facial expressions etc. He notices it all. The joke that they don’t care if we’re half sleeping through it? Ladies, that is a LIE. Will he likely accept whatever we offer? Often yes, but do I want the man God’s gifted me with to be stuck w/ leftovers of my time efforts & attention? Indeed I don’t! Can we humble ourselves to bless our hubbys & allow God to show us just how much responsibility we have in this area? Some of us will need to take the first step of spending some serious time seeking God’s face to see where we’ve allowed our own preferences or feelings or worries and even sometimes bitterness or unforgiveness to dictate our love life. And we need to allow Him to show us how it’s hurt our husband’s sensitive heart! I still have a LOT to work on, but so far it’s made a day-and-night kind of difference in my heart & mind, and well… I Guess since I don’t actually get time w/ hubby this week, maybe my role gets to be in just encouraging some of you who are “in the thick” =) BUT I am definitely going to plan my own 10 days w/ hubby as SOOOON as things calm down a bit w/ his work schedule! Happy Connecting!!!

    • You are so right Valorie! I have written several posts on these very subjects. It is not just being available, while that is important, it is also just as important to WANT to be there and to ENJOY your hubby! You will hurt him deeply by simply showing up. Definitely words to think on! Blessings, Kate

      • thx Kate! I bought myself something super cute (for later this week when he finally has a day off) that accentuates what iiiiii feel are my best assets. BUT i’m also going to ignore the paranoid voices in my head that want to overly cover up things that I’m still not very happy with. I’m determined to focus my mind on my fav parts that I feel great about, so I can enter that room w/ confidence, remembering that [as we’ve been discussing here] HUBBY’s list of favs include ALL my assets;D In this way my focus can shift to giving to him more than receiving what I need!)

  12. Hi! I really like this post. I’m working on adapting it to my husband’s regard for me in general — I have a great deal of confidence in myself physically, but have a hard time believing that my husband could *still* really enjoy me (he does, and says so often). I know it bothers him that I have this lack of confidence, and it bothers me too. Any thoughts on how to apply these ideas to this relationship aspect? Thanks!

  13. Hi Bethany,

    Those are great questions and EVERY wife has gone through times of not feeling great about themselves. The first thing I would say is, work on accepting and believing that you are beautiful in Christ. When we truly believe that God thinks we are beautiful, then we can begin to feel it with earthly relationships.

    I would encourage you when your hubby says how beautiful and sexy you are to him, smile, give him a kiss and say-thank you! Let his words be a balm to your soul. Don’t doubt him, because that is so hard for our guys! Then talk to God and ask him to help you see yourself through His eyes and your hubby’s!

    We all have things we like about ourselves and those we don’t care for as much. Accent the things you enjoy and seek to eventually like all of you as a whole. This will not mean that you don’t have insecure days, I still do and I think most people do. Yet if you are seeking to believe and find your identity in Christ and that he sees you are beautiful, you are truly starting at the right place.

    I hope that is helpful, if you have any specific questions, please dont’ hesitate to ask! Blessings, Kate

  14. oops! I don’t know what happened…lol My post entered too quickly! We had sex one on new years day and once again the end of march. I wasn’t expecting the end of march at all and I enjoyed it. Sex happens so infrequently that I felt so close to him after it had happened. I realized that sex may be the only saving grace in our marriage. I can’t talk to him about it though. he shuts me out so much. I suspect he was drunk when we had sex last but I accepted his advance anyway because it has been so long. (new years was a drunken escapade that lasted a mere 20 seconds and before that it was October.)I was getting ready for bed the other night and was half naked in the bedroom. He walked past me and through the mirror I could see he made a face and kindof said’ew’ under his breath. I dont know if he knew I saw his face or if I heard his grumble, but I didn’t care. Thats right, it didn’t drive me to tears as it normally would have, I thought to myself,’I look damn good and he doesn’t even know it.’ I guess its part of me giving up on my marriage and looking forward to my own self respect, but I really don’t give a darn how he views me anymore. I feel this is a breakthrough to me becoming more confident in myself. And maybe by some weird quirk of the universe, my not caring anymore will make him want me like he once did. If he does, awesome, if not, oh well. I like me. I know I am hot. I know I am valuable. His loss otherwise. I feel like if I had the chance to tie him up and gag him dominatrix style, We would both get a rise out of it. Not that I have ever been into it, but it’s almost like revenge for not paying any attention to me for so long. ok, TMI…..SORRY!!!!LOL

    • Hi Maria! I can understand where you are frustrated and feeling like there is no hope. My heart breaks for where you are and what you have shared. As you know from our posts and our story, that there is hope and that is in Jesus. He is the ONLY true hope! Keep clinging to Him in these times.

      Please know that I am praying for you right now! Blessings, Kate