Kate says . . .
Can I get any hands of people who have ever read a marriage resource and found yourself focused on what your hubby isn’t doing rather than on what you should be doing? I know that I have done that in the past and I am imagining that every wife has done that at one time or another. I love what Brad shared in his last post, Tear the Book in Half, resources are great, but not if they are stumbling block for you and your marriage.
Are you looking for lessons or ammunition?
Another danger that is just as hazardous is using resources such as blogs, books or a conference to give yourself marriage ammunition. It is always best to experience these resources together, or at least talk about them together, but we understand that many wives and husbands end up working on changing their marriage on their own. Whether you are seeking out information to grow or to be a tool to addressing marriage issues, you need to be asking God to keep you from these pitfalls.
You were aimed, didn’t intend to fire, but you did!
We’ve taken in good and useful information and before we know it, there is a situation happening in your marriage and you are thinking “I know how we need to handle this, I just read about this” and so you share that wealth of knowledge with your hubby, including all that HE needs to do. You didn’t intend to use that ammo that you have been learning in that way, but in the moment, you thought “why not share what I know.” This is a pitfall that is not going to get your marriage moving or keep it moving in the direction you desire.
Your hubby is not another one of the kids
When we tell our husband what we think they should be doing, many times it feels like we view them as another kid to take care of. The last thing any of us wants is to feel like someone perceives us as childish and I think that is even stronger for our husband. The way God made our hubby’s they need and want our respect. When we treat them like another child respect is the last thing they feel.
Same principle, different post
All that you are gleaning from your resources is best used when working on yourself and how you can change in your marriage. That truly is the key, no matter what we see about our hubby or what we think they could learn. If you have a time to sit down and share, you definitely should. Yet it needs to be from a place of love and desiring to share your heart, not make a list for your hubby of all the things he needs to change and do.
Put the book down and step away!
If you find yourself falling into the pitfall of finding all the things that your hubby is NOT doing or should be doing, or if you now know how to tell him to handle different situations, put the book down and walk away! Walk away and don’t go back until you can find the mindset of “what can I do to be the change I want to see in my own marriage?”
What other good ways have you discovered to handle resources in a positive and productive way?
Do you share what you are reading with your spouse?