Marriage Ammunition

Kate says . . .

Can I get any hands of people who have ever read a marriage resource and found yourself focused on what your hubby isn’t doing rather than on what you should be doing? I know that I have done that in the past and I am imagining that every wife has done that at one time or another. I love what Brad shared in his last post, Tear the Book in Half, resources are great, but not if they are stumbling block for you and your marriage.

Are you looking for lessons or ammunition?

Another danger that is just as hazardous is using resources such as blogs, books or a conference to give yourself marriage ammunition. It is always best to experience these resources together, or at least talk about them together, but we understand that many wives and husbands end up working on changing their marriage on their own. Whether you are seeking out information to grow or to be a tool to addressing marriage issues, you need to be asking God to keep you from these pitfalls.

bullets

You were aimed, didn’t intend to fire, but you did!

We’ve taken in good and useful information and before we know it, there is a situation happening in your marriage and you are thinking “I know how we need to handle this, I just read about this” and so you share that wealth of knowledge with your hubby, including all that HE needs to do. You didn’t intend to use that ammo that you have been learning in that way, but in the moment, you thought “why not share what I know.” This is a pitfall that is not going to get your marriage moving or keep it moving in the direction you desire.

Your hubby is not another one of the kids

When we tell our husband what we think they should be doing, many times it feels like we view them as another kid to take care of. The last thing any of us wants is to feel like someone perceives us as childish and I think that is even stronger for our husband. The way God made our hubby’s they need and want our respect. When we treat them like another child respect is the last thing they feel.

Same principle, different post

All that you are gleaning from your resources is best used when working on yourself and how you can change in your marriage. That truly is the key, no matter what we see about our hubby or what we think they could learn. If you have a time to sit down and share, you definitely should. Yet it needs to be from a place of love and desiring to share your heart, not make a list for your hubby of all the things he needs to change and do.

Put the book down and step away!

If you find yourself falling into the pitfall of finding all the things that your hubby is NOT doing or should be doing, or if you now know how to tell him to handle different situations, put the book down and walk away! Walk away and don’t go back until you can find the mindset of “what can I do to be the change I want to see in my own marriage?”

What other good ways have you discovered to handle resources in a positive and productive way?

Do you share what you are reading with your spouse?

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5 Responses to Marriage Ammunition

  1. These are all great comments and ones worth reading and then thinking really thinking how we should should respond in kind to our spouses. God wants us first and foremost – to love him with all our heart, mind, body and soul. It is only then that we can truly pass that love on to another – and also give of ourselves to our ‘soulmate’/husband/wife.

    There have been many times where all of the books (such as Love & Respect by Eggerichs)(one of many) I read and try to put “we” or “us” .. meaning both of us have to make some changes. It isn’t just about what my husband does right or wrong .. but, more about what we do together and apart.
    The hurt comes with a ‘book’s suggestion on how to treat your spouse. When your spouse is separated in distance and otherwise ‘divorced’ from the relationship (I’m married for life, he is divorced), I find that often I have to put down the books and stop reading because it hurts too much.
    I know that God brought me back to the place where I need to be.. and that means being obedient to His word and not that of man.
    I cannot control what has happened from a legal/secular world.. I can and do accept God’s will in my life that He is the one in control. Every day I pray for Him to give me strength and leave my husband in His able hands so that one day by God’s grace our marriage will be restored.

    • Hi Karen,

      I can understand where you are coming from. I think you have the right mindset and setting down the book for those reasons, is a good move.

      God is the God of restoration. No gap is too big for God, not even divorce! Keep serving and loving and holding on to that! God will NEVER leave you alone! Thank you for sharing where you are and what you are learning! Blessings, Kate

    • That sounds like a very interesting read! Will have to put it on my “to read” list! Thanks, Michelle! Blessings, Kate

      • Just realized that I HAVE it on Kindle! Must have gotten it for free-sweet! Will definitely be checking it out! 🙂