Curly or Straight

Kate says . . .

I am a girl with very curly hair. God has blessed me with a beautiful head of blond curls. I have had them for as long as I remember. They are such a part of who I am and who my hubby sees. He has stated on many occasions that my hair is one of the first things that caught his eye. So to say he LOVES my hair is a bit of an understatement.

I have come to discover in my adult years that a flat iron can reform my hair into something very different and I like it! I like it A LOT! It’s just something so different and feels free. Free from the curls and my everyday hairdo. Now I am a mom of 3 kids, homeschooling and running my business on the side, so there aren’t very many times I actually take the time to straighten my hair. It’s just too thick and takes too long. Why am I telling you this, you might wonder???Curly or Straight Kate

I LOVE to have my hair straight and my hubby LOVES it curly. He says that my straight hair is very nice, but not the same as curly.

The question I have for you wives is this-do you show your hubby preference in his thoughts and opinions about you?

It is great to make sure that we show our hubby preference in many areas of life. You know those little things in life that he likes just so. Showing your hubby that you know his preferences and have a desire to please him in that way, is an incredible blessing. It is a great way to practice putting his wants and needs above your own.

It is especially nice to show your give your hubby’s preferences about you special consideration. Things such as what outfits he loves you in, what type of lingerie he prefers, if any (but most do prefer it), what type of bra and undies he likes, how he likes your hair, toe nail and finger nails painted, jeans, skirts, etc. It’s not that you have to lose yourself; rather it is finding joy in how your hubby likes to see you.

Not sure what he likes? Ask him? Here are a few questions to try . . .

  • How do you like my hair best?
  • What outfits do you love on me?
  • What sexy but practical things do you like me to wear to bed?
  • What is my sexiest feature that you like me to accent?
  • Is there an outfit or a look that you would like me to “retire”?

In return spend some time sharing your likes with your hubby. I know there are certain things I love to see my hubby in (and out) of and he knows what they are. When he puts them on I know he is doing so to please me and that makes me feel special and loved. Not to mention I get to stare at my handsome man!

Do you know your husband’s preferences when it comes to you and are you willing to make those a priority? Share what ways you wives have done this for your hubby. Share how that has been a blessing!

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30 Responses to Curly or Straight

  1. I think both women AND MEN should allow their spouse’s preferences to shape how they look when at all possible.

    In fact, my hair is long because my bride (who grew up in California) likes it that way.

  2. I agree that we should all be influenced by our spouse’s preferences. That being said, those who have preferences should be willing to relax and not be overly insistent. During the course of my 28-year marriage, my hair has been long, short, curly, straight, brown, red and blonde. I know my husband’s preferences, and I am happy to please him, but sometimes I want to experiment or just enjoy a change. He never complains, because loves me for me and can see beyond the hair (or the outfit or the nail polish, etc.) That being said, if I knew he really disliked a particular look, I’d get rid of it. And right now I’ve got the hairstyle he likes best.

    • I agree Rosemary that a husband or a wife should also be able to try new things if they so desire. But in the case with my hair, it is one of the features my hubby loves the most. He doesn’t mind if it is shorter or longer and I have changed that many times over the years. But I keep it curly because it is his preference! Not to mention I love the way he looks at me when he is admiring it! 🙂

  3. Is there an outfit or a look that you would like me to “retire”?

    Dangerous territory, this. My wife wears certain items to “hide” her midriff. She doesn’t like sleevless because of her heavier arms. She is carrying about 60lbs too many. She won’t wear dresses or skirts all that often for much the same reason. She is older now too so skin blemishes are apparent on her limbs. Freckels have become age spots. I understand her preferences and the reasons behind them but am so tired of blousy tops that basically hang straight from the breasts, shrugs to cover the upper arms, and pants to cover the legs which DO NOT have varicose veins. The problem is, all those itemsserve a very real purpose. I would advise any husband who would suggest retiring something to consider first why she is wearing it. I do know there are times when people mistakenly think a favorite is just smashing on them but doesn’t look so much so, but think before you speak and dis something she feels is an absolute essential. “You know that thing you love to wear so much, I really am tired of seeing it and it is not at all flattering….(Later)Are we expecting company? Why is there a pillow and blanket on the couch?”

    The best way to avoid having to see it is go shop with her so she doesn’t buy it in the first place. “That doesn’t really flatter you” is so much better accepted than “That has never looked good on you.” If you shop with her, she will be more inclined to A) buy and B) buy some things you rave about. Nothing like when she comes home with nothing and you had higher hopes. Of course, equally frustrating is when the come out of the dressing room with 15 items and “none of it looked good” and you had your eyes tempted by 3 or 4 favorites that weren’t her boring wardrobe usuals. The usuals she’ll then buy in all seven colors, one for each day of the week. YAWN.

    “I didn’t like those shorts, they drew attention to my rear,” or “That blouse was a little to revealing.” Well, yeah! But you don’t have to wear them outside of the house or our fenced backyard either. If what he likes is not as modest as you would wear out, wear it in. You don’t have to own a lot of it. We can be very happy with just a few things like you can be with the 2 suits of ours you REALLY think we look hunky in. We’ll meet you in the middle or on the way to the trash can with that floor-length, high-collared, long-sleeved flannel night gown that you wear year-round….with matching high-waisted underwear just in case we didn’t read the signals.

    • Hi Dave 2,

      I think your suggestions of going with her to encourage her and tell her how awesome she looks in something is a great idea! One that many hubby’s could apply!

      A woman’s self image is a very complex thing. Men too, but women’s are even more so in many ways. My hubby has always told me how much he enjoys my body no matter what! Even after my babies when I didn’t feel like it, I knew he still loved me and desired me! But it took a lot of letting go for myself and trusting that God loves me even if I am not perfect! Part of the solution comes from your wife and talking those things out with God, the other part is you, keep encouraging her-until you the end of time, never stop! Even if she doesn’t see it. God wants you to be her biggest cheer leader in every area of her life!

      I do believe that a husband and a wife can get to a place where he can share with her what he would wish her to “retire”. Brad and I always keep an open/loving approach about such things. It didn’t happen overnight, but it comes from loving, trusting and respecting. It can be done!

      Thanks for sharing! Kate

  4. I am careful to give preference to hubby, but to also honor what flatters me best and what I like, too. We fell into a trap of hubby getting too controlling. I have an identity, too, ya know!! He does have great taste and knows what flatters me, but I have to be careful not to take every opinion of his as gospel. When he was most controlling and insulting was during a time where he rejected me sexualy, dabbled in porn and started showing way too much interest in our teenage babysitter. It crushed me and my self esteem and body image. I had to rebuild myself and realize who I was and how God and others see me. I started taking a stand, respectfully. Now, things are much better and I can trust his opinion rather than idolize it.

    • I am sorry to hear that livinginblurredlines. I can see how that could happen. But my post was never meant for it to be a controlling issue or for a wife to feel as though she HAS to submit! Instead it is for a wife to want to please her husband with what he desires to see her in and how he likes her hair done and such. There are plenty of days that I have my hair back in a pony tail and my oh-so-comfy yoga pants on!

      I praise God with you that you two went through that and are in a much better place! Thanks for sharing! Kate

  5. Kate, I just loved this post!

    I remember a family member (female) once commented to me, “I thought you were going to grow your hair a little longer, how come you cut it off?” I told her that Darrell preferred it short. She rolled her eyes and gave me the ‘pffft’ – “next he’ll be telling you when to eat and how much.”

    I just don’t get the mindset of NOT wanting to make your husband happy?!

    • Thanks Robyn! I agree! I think there are many wives out there that struggle though simply because they know dressing the way he likes, will encourage his desire for you and sex. Also there are many wives who struggle with self image so much! It breaks my heart that they don’t think they are worthy of their husbands passion and attraction.

      I am so glad you shared this-because I fear that many wives don’t even see themselves denying their husbands, the one person God said “It is ok to look on her with pleasure and passion!”

      Blessings, Kate

  6. My husband first noticed me because of my curls. I once had a friend chase me with a straightener and spend hours giving me a new look. My husband’s response was to say that if I’d looked like that the first time he saw me, he never would have looked twice! Soon after, I found a method of caring for my curls that helped me to fall in love with the hair with which my Creator gifted me. So to Kate, I recommend the book “Curly Girl” by Lorraine Massey. This book revolutionized how I feel about my hair and now I proudly stand with all the rest of the world’s Curly Girls. Proper care for curls and the cut that works best for you make all the difference in the world! I am happy to take a whole lot less time with my hair and at the same time, bring pleasure to my husband.

    • Ha ha, Vicki! My hubby probably would say the same thing. I have learned to like my curls and mainly because he LOVES them. But I still do enjoy the 3-4 times a year I have it straightened after a hair cut-just feels so different and nice! But I am totally ok with his love of my curls! After all there are things about him that I love dearly and would never want him to change!

      I had a friend who lend me the “curly girl” book before! It was very enlightening! Thanks for sharing! Kate

    • Hi Trixie,

      Let me ask you this. If it had been phrased like this for example:

      Some women wear certain items to “hide” their midriffs. They don’t like sleeveless because of their heavier arms. They may be carrying about 60lbs too many. They won’t wear dresses or skirts all that often for much the same reason. They may be older now too so skin blemishes are apparent on their limbs. Freckles have become age spots, etc.

      Is that acceptable or is saying anything along these lines even in this way still unacceptable? I’m not picking a fight with you. Just trying to figure this out. I DO understand your point. This post was prior to the others you found objectionable.

      I am trying to find a way to be frank and direct without being deemed insensitive or inconsiderate.
      With blogging not being a chat room, let alone face-to-face, if you don’t preface or qualify your remarks on a topic, you get back any number of replies along the lines of “Did you ever think that…or Did you consider…or Maybe she doesn’t like that because…or You know she could have body image issues and…or It sounds like you are only thinking of what you wants. I try to set up my comments with evidence that I am trying to be fair and balanced and not shooting from the hip. Thus all the qualifiers. That’s the problem with blogging and its lack of context. You are guilty until proved innocent: “Easy for them to say, but I’ll bet they haven’t even considered the other side of the story.” A lot of people will not credit a stranger with being reasonable. Even though we keep bumping heads on this, for instance, I don’t feel you are unreasonable with your viewpoint which you put forth quite well.
      That’s why I continue to respond and try to learn and understand. In the end on an issue, we may agree to disagree, but I won’t feel you are being unreasonable by disagreeing, only that you view it differently. And that I’m right and you’re wrong. HA 🙂

      Don’t give up on me. I welcome the discussion.


  7. @Dave2 Yes, that would have been much better. The fact about the 60 lbs not really necessary because I’m not close to 60 lbs overweight and I’m still self conscious about my arms and midriff.
    Glad you care about your wife’s feelings. Please just be careful when you’re revealing things about her that you have her blessing first. If not it could lead to serious trust issues and that would not help your situation at all.

    • @Trixie. Thanks for the advice. For what it’s worth, if your husband feels in his heart like I do (in spite of my frank awareness), your arms and midriff aren’t something he even concerns himself about. When we look at our wives, we see much the same they see when looking at us: The person (girl) we desired and pursued from that first moment. I have tried to explain it in other places and it seems to be a hard sell with wives. All the unkindnesses of time and gravity are masked. We see what we desire to see: your sensual beauty which is about the whole and not the parts. That is a very deep truth I wish more women could believe. We’ll keep working on it. It’s there, we just don’t seem to commuincate it all that well. I now know a lot if it is about trust.

      • @Dave, I believe that a woman’s sensual beauty comes from within her heart too. And that it becomes more beautiful AND more powerful as she grows this part of it in the direction of her own husband. Also, I believe you see your wife this way, her inner heart, YAY for you and for her! You being the kind of man (and brother) I have come to know, it never would have occurred to me that you would tear her down or belittle her. I’ve only ever seen you post uplifting and encouraging things about her. I assume that anything you share about her – she’s fully aware of. Blessings

        • @Robyn. Absolutely on the sensual beauty coming from the heart and how its power and beauty grows when directed to the husband. I’m going to want to expand on that concept when I get a blog up. I’ll try to remember to attribute it to you. It sounds like you are following the gravatar and not the usernames. I have at least three I have used before I even knew what a gravatar was. I would comment on a new blog, or even an old one and forget my username and create a new one but the same email address. Now with the gravatar tied to the email, the user names are tied to the gravatar. I need to create another email address to give myself some anonymity. I can’t just log our of WP because then I get no replies of it want. FYI, I can and will stumble on occasion. I’m forever a sinner who’s a work in progress. I try to keep the fails less than spectacular.

          • Thanks, I’d like that. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today. Just one more day in a series of whoopin’s. This must be my month of can’t do anything right. Thank you.

          • @Dave2 “I was never even in aisle 10” LOL Sorry you’re having a bad day, but glad it’s not me this time. Hope it gets better. Trixie

          • @ Trixie. Thanks for the support. A few posts back I was wondering if we would ever find at least a tiny piece of common ground. When I have a situation like that (“I knew it. This isn’t the first time,” she says.) I try all the harder to gain respect from the person. They don’t have to agree with me, just not write me off as a total dolt. To do that though, I have to have respect for them so I have a place to start from. Know that I respect you and appreciate your help. I’m glad it as turned out this way.

            p.s. I’m glad it wasn’t you too this time. Hang in there though. I’ll no doubt give you another shot. 🙂 This time it was someone very dear to me who was placed in the middle as mediator. Really clumsy for them. Hurry up and get here September.

          • @Sister R,

            The previous comment box froze up on me so I just sent it before I lost it. Everything is fine on my home front other than a dearth of work. the problem is elsewhere. The fault, dear Robyn, lies not in my stars but in myself.

            As you have witnessed here, I seem to have done a splendid job of being insensitive when I thought I was merely being direct. How male of me. Can I claim it as a birthright? LOL

            For the most part, all have been gracious but it is disconcerting nonetheless. I thought I was more enlightened than I apparently am not.
            I don’t mind being take to task, but so often and so close together. Perhaps it’s a phase of the moon. Now I’ll get a comment from the moon for inadvertently and insensitively dissing it. Sigh. Thanks again for the mercy.

            Brother D

          • Hang on there Brother D – you know the Bible says right?

            …”this too shall pass”

            keep your dukes up – I know you’ll make it to the other side!

          • Brother D:

            “How male of me. Can I claim it as a birthright?” –that would be a big YES!!

            “Thanks again for the mercy” — just passin on what I’ve been freely given. Have a great night!