Kate says . . .
I think I can safely say we have all been there. You know the moment when your hubby says;
“You’re so beautiful!”
“You look stunning!”
“You are sexy and I desire you!”
There is a moment where we either take in what they have said or we dismiss it immediately because it cannot possibly be true. I think many wives go right to dismissing their husband’s praise of their physical beauty for several reasons.
You Don’t Believe it Yourself
What woman on this planet doesn’t have self-esteem issues? I know that I have had my fair share through the years and even though I am a confident woman in who God has created me to be, I would be remiss to say that I won’t ever deal with it in the future.
Having doubts at times about being beautiful, is normal. Staying in this mindset and feeling that you are unattractive and unworthy of your husband’s praise, is not good and will build walls in your marriage.
In order to be able to more past such thoughts and feelings you need to ask yourself, “what keeps these feelings of unworthiness going? What are the things that have so bruised your soul that you cannot see yourself for the beauty God created you as?” Those are the things you need to identify and seek to heal in Jesus.
Comparisons Tell You Something Different
It is so easy to look at what the world says beautiful and say, “well I don’t look anything like that!” Well let me share with you sister, neither do I! We are bombarded with society’s version of beautiful people and use it as our scale of what is beautiful and desirable. We also fear that our husband secretly desires women who look that way and he must have just settled for us. I know that I cannot speak for every marriage or for every husband, but that is simply not true!
When your hubby tells you that you are beautiful and that he desires you, he means it. When he stares at you when you are naked, it is because he likes looking at you! You are his wife and he wants to admire you, both in and out of clothing. It is not easy, but we need to cast aside the things we compare ourselves to. We need to love who we are, who God created us to be and embrace our husband loving us!
You Can Choose to Hear Your Hubby
When your hubby whispers those words in your ear . . . you can choose to let them soak in and hear them, or you can immediately send them off to “whatever” land. When you continually dismiss him, it becomes a habit and you don’t even give his praise a second thought. Fight against that. Stay right there in the moment with your hubby and enjoy the praise he is lavishing on you. Hear what the man, your husband, your biggest fan, your lover is saying to you. Repeat it to yourself. “He thinks I am beautiful!” Hear him!
You Can Choose to Believe Him
Once you have heard him, let it soak into your soul and make a choice (many things in life are a choice and not a feeling) to believe him. Believe that what he says is true and that he believes it too! Choose to believe!
Song of Solomon 7:10 says:
I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. (NIV)
I am my lover’s. I’m all he wants. I’m all the world to him! (MSG)
Don’t Believe Me?
Perhaps you are sitting there saying, “It doesn’t bother my hubby that I shrug off his praise!” So why do I need to worry about this? For all of you wives out there I have a challenge for you: Ask your husband if it bothers him when he says you’re beautiful and you don’t believe him! Ask him and see what he says. I would bet that he will say, he wants deeply for you to believe him.
Working through this and choosing to hear and believe your husband will be a blessing in your marriage and how you feel about yourself. Don’t go another year without digging deep and dealing with why you can’t receive your hubby’s praise of your beauty!
Wives please share with our readers, if this has been a struggle for you! Also share any other ways you have found healing.
For all the hubby’s who are reading, I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject!