Over the past 6 months we sold our home, rented a townhouse, bought a new home and moved twice. On top of all that I resigned my position as the Executive Director of Family Resource & Counseling Centers and took a new job as the Director of Small Groups and Marriage Ministry at Worship Center.
To say the least there has been tremendous changes in our lives. Over that time I’ve learned a few very important marriage lessons.
I CAN Do It
The new house we bought was a 1950’s fixer upper. I know there are some guys out there that seem to be able to build and fix anything; I am not one of them. I was not born with the handyman gene. Our home prior to this was brand new, so it didn’t really need much work.
The list of projects for this house was long: plumbing, electrical, framing, drywall, and redoing our whole kitchen. I watched a lot of YouTube videos, I asked friends for help, and tackled each project one at a time. It seemed daunting, it was exhausting but after all the work is done it is very satisfying!
There is something to be said about working on your own home. It is rewarding, and gives a great sense of accomplishment.
Why is this a marriage point? Because when you feel good about your home, when you feel good about yourself, it changes your attitude toward your home, family and wife. Do you have a room or space in your house you can’t stand? Hate the bathroom tile or need more kitchen space? Make a plan, save the money and watch some online how to videos. You can do more than you think, and you and your marriage will thank you for it!
It Takes Vision
When we first bought the house we talked over the changes that we wanted to make. We had to look past what was there and try to see how it could be. In the room that is now our bedroom we had to take down a wall. Before that wall was gone we would walk back and forth between the two rooms and talk about where we could put things. In the once outdated kitchen we had to look past the awful tiled wall and see what could become a beautiful space.
Without a vision you don’t know where you are going. Without a vision for your marriage, you won’t know how to make it grow, or even if it is growing. Do you want your marriage to grow? In what ways? Can you picture what the end result looks like? How are you different? Start gathering a vision for your marriage and see where God can grow you!
Don’t Fear the Mess
Once we caught the vision, we started work. Guess what, every project started looking worse before we were able to make any progress. We ripped out cabinets and tile, we tore apart plumbing, knocked out a wall. Mostly we made HUGE messes! Things always looked worse long before they started to be put back together to make the vision come true.
Many couples never start to work on their marriage because they fear the mess that it will cause along the way. They feel like it is easier to have things stay where they are rather than bring the mess out into the open and give yourselves a chance to rebuild!
If you get a vision for your marriage I guarantee the first step is going to be messy! Don’t let that scare you from the hard work. Share your vision, share your plan, and then get to work!
Don’t know how to get started?
Here are two ways that we can help you get your marriage remodeling started.
Spend A Weekend with Us!
We’ve partnered with House on the Rock Family Ministries to host a weekend couple’s retreat this spring. We are looking forward to getting to know and growing with a small group of couples in a beautiful intimate setting. Join us Friday, March 21, 2014 till – Sunday, March 23, 2014 at West Ridge Manor in Elizabethtown, PA. Find out more or order tickets here: A Weekend with One Flesh Marriage
Put Me In Coach!
Kate and I have also started online marriage coaching where we work 2 on 2 with a couple to help you achieve your marriage goals. One of the best things I did in my remodeling project was asking for help. I did a lot myself, but I got professionals to help with some big things and friends and family to help teach me in some skills I didn’t know. It is sometimes a challenge as men to ask for help, but it is often an important step in the process! Kate and I would love to help you get your marriage remodeling on track. Get more information on our Marriage Coaching or to find out how to get started.
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