Kate says . . .
Wives, I think we are all on common ground when we talk about the challenging balance of encouraging vs. being frustrated with our husband’s hobbies and down time. When you were reading Brad’s post, Marriage on Minecraft, you were probably thinking, “what about us?” As women we are able to multi task and have many things on our minds at one time. It is hard for us to stop and relax even when we need or want to. We keep going and going and going from the time our head comes off the pillow until the time it plops back down again. So when we see our husband relaxing and taking some time for just themselves. It is easy to stew and become frustrated, angry and eventually resentful.
In reality it all comes down to control and what we want. Doesn’t it?
Here are a four ideas to keep in mind when dealing with the dynamic that all marriages deal with:
At the risk of sounding redundant . . . he is an adult. It is not the same as limiting your kids with their TV or screen time. He needs to know that you respect him, that you acknowledge that his need for down time and that you respect his hobbies.
What he enjoys may not be what you enjoy
Brad and I enjoy a many things together. We love to watch movies, read books out loud to each other, talk about our day, have sex ;), and more. At the same time there are many things we don’t share a common enjoyment in. If I have free time, I want to read. If Brad has free time, he likes to more abstract things such as games. They sound mindless but as I watch him do them, they actually take a lot of thinking. I’m sure couldn’t play them. So we have our different “go to” down time stuff. That is ok and what makes us unique. The thing to remember is that it doesn’t make your husband’s down time activity of less value.
The Role of the “Down Time Martyr”
When I see Brad relaxing I sometimes I fight the feeling of “well I wish I could just sit down and read.” But the reality is that I can if I choose to. I am choosing not to and trying to make Brad feel bad for taking some down time is not helping anyone. Brad always says that I need to learn to relax more and let things go. He is right and over the last 5 years I have sought out how to better do that in my life. Stopping to enjoy life while you are actually in it is a good thing and one God desires for us.
Talk to him
You don’t need me to tell you that so many things in marriage come down to communication. Yet, it is worth reminding ourselves simply because it is the truth. If there is something your husband does that bothers you, talk to him about it. Talk to him with the common goal of loving each other and continuing to grow in your one flesh journey.
Not to get your own way and have things as you wish them to be. Also you need to identify if the actual activity your husband is doing frustrates you or the amount of time or the specific time he chooses. Often when we are frustrated, we let it stew until we burst and everything just seems like anger. If we can talk with one another and pinpoint why we are frustrated, we can work towards a better understanding of each other and our down time.
Does your husband’s hobby bug you? How can you use these 4 ideas to help bring peace and balance? Let us know in the comments.
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