I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore

Kate says . . .

There are a handful of our posts, that even though we wrote them long ago, get comments daily. One of those posts is, I Don’t Find My Wife Attractive Anymore. It is no shocker that attraction and desire are huge in marriage, or is it?? This is the flip-flop post for all those wives out there who struggle with being attracted to their husbands. It is a two-part post. The first post, I Kissed Dating Hello, is for “soon to be wives” (those who are seriously dating or engaged). This second post is for those of you who are already married and struggle with attraction.

We all have struggles in marriage, there are ebbs and flows to any relationship. For many continued attraction to their husband can be an issue. As the years pass they don’t find themselves attracted to their husbands anymore. Some admit that they never felt attracted to them when they married them. So what do we do with this issue once married?Toad-001

God is for your marriage

Too many times we are tempted to think that God might be using our feeling to tell us that this marriage is not going to work out. It is easy to think “how can I continue on in marriage if the attraction isn’t there?” Let me assure you that God wants your marriage to continue and that he desires for you to be attracted to each other. If your heart is open, he can restore anything. Remember that!

The enemy knows how important attraction is

It is everywhere we look. Images that speak of desire and attraction. Images that sell us a lie that everyone should be perfect looking, almost plastic like. Many of us buy into these images and the enemy knows it. He knows that we are an image oriented society. He uses that to his advantage. Brad and I have always said, that the enemy has the most to gain from breaking up marriages. Marriage effects so many other relationships in our lives and that makes them a prime target. Understanding that and praying against it is vital for our marriages.

He has changed physically

So you have been married for a while and your hubby has lost some of his hair, or what is there is turning grey, maybe he has gained a bit of weight. Maybe he doesn’t shower as often as when you were dating and is just plain “comfortable” in life. To be honest, wives this is the thing I hear the most. Here is the hard truth; you are called to respect and love your husband no matter what. In marriage as we both change, our attraction should continue to flourish. If you find yourself in this situation, I challenge you to see your husband for who he is, not for who he isn’t.

“But he should take care of himself, doesn’t God ask us to do that as well?”

Yes he does. God wants us to care for the physical body we have so that we can better serve Him, in our marriage and in all areas. The problem with this thinking is that while you can encourage him in healthy eating and regular exercise, you can’t make him lose that extra weight by nagging and complaining. You are his wife, the one who vowed to love him through ALL things. He needs you to love him just as he is and lift him up as well as encourage him in love to. Your love, respect and influence can be a great motivator or a great blow to him as a man.

Men fight the body image issue as well. We can help them to know they are loved and adored-always. After our two biological kids were born, Brad’s love and devotion to me no matter what I looked like was vital. No matter how big you get when you are pregnant, you feel awful looking after you give birth. He was so sweet and reminded me that my body just did something magnificent. He also expressed how much he desired to be with me again not pressuring me, but letting me know that he was still attracted to me and could not wait to have sex again. I cannot imagine the hurt I would have experienced if he had not been so caring in those times. We need to have the same love, devotion and attraction to our husband as well.

Don’t compare him

The comparing game has never helped anyone in life and it certainly will not help you stay attracted to your husband. Don’t play that game. When you start to hold him up and compare him to the models or other men we know, it is not fair. I know that I don’t want to be compared, I want to be loved for who I am. For how God has made me. I have no doubt your husband does as well.

How do I get the attraction back?

Pray, my friend, pray! Ask God to restore your desire for your husband. Make sure you are avoiding looking at other men and media versions of men and focus only on your man. Look to see the amazing things about him. Praise him, uplift him. Go to him, hug and love on him. Kiss him and enjoy him. Touch him, hold hands. Get familiar with his body and love that man! And then keep praying for God to restore that desire. I believe God wants that desire to be there. When we seek God in all things, he hears us and wants good for our marriage. Believe that! Speak life and truth into your marriage.

Grow old together

We all have those “things” about getting older that aren’t our favorite. For my beloved, one is losing his hair. Yet, when I look at him daily, he looks so handsome. Do I notice that he is changing? Yes, but it is not a bad thing. He looks more distinguished then ever and I find him more attractive then when we were first married. I would have never thought that possible, but it is true! I am changing too, just in case you weren’t sure . . . but we are growing older together. Enjoying the different stages of life-together. To think that we are all going to remain young and look like we did when we got married is unrealistic.

Tell him

Your husband needs to keep hearing from you in many different ways that you find him sexy, attractive, handsome and irresistible! Don’t stop telling him because you assume that he knows. Tell him! Find many fun ways to fill that need in his life!

The Bottom Line

Brad and I have always said that we will not shy away from the truth, even if it is hard at times. The truth here, ladies is that you took vows and promised God that you would love your man, through ALL of life. You vowed to love and respect him, forgetting all other men. There are many vows we made on our wedding day that will be tested, that is part of why we made them. Finding your husband less attractive now is your issue, not his! Even if he has changed! It is a heart issue that you need to go to God with. I know that may be hard to hear, but I would be holding back if I didn’t speak truth. Your husband deserves your love, respect, devotion and your attraction. Not because he looks the part or doesn’t, but because he is your husband and attraction is a part of God’s plan for marriage.

If you struggle in this area of your marriage, please share with us. Leave a comment and let us know how you been able to overcome this?

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27 Responses to I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore

  1. The most attractive quality in a man can be not a physical thing at all. I think this quote says it all for me: “Men, do not try to control, suppress, or hold captive your lady. You do not own her. If you wish to possess her heart and soul, make your love so safe that you are the one to set her free. Let your masculine strength be the foundation that liberates her from her busy mind, and the worries and doubts that she carries. Let her feel secure in your arms so she can let go completely. She yearns to be untamed.” Making me feel safe and secure, is the best way to attract a woman like me. Balding, extra weight, “comfortable” (aka burping and farting) won’t bother a woman who feels loved and taken care of. A good reliable, honest man, who cares for his family, & attends to his responsibilities is the Ryan Gosling equivalent for me.

    • Hi Kallie,
      Thanks for your comment! I greatly appreciate what you have shared and agree with you that there are many things that can and are attractive in a spouse. I will be the first to stand up and say that I find my husband to incredibly sexy and handsome, physically! But there are many things about him that I find attractive. I love that we are comfortable with one another. That we love each other, quirks and all! Becoming “one flesh” is all about being completely known. And that means in all areas of life.

      Attraction is about so much more then physical and yet physical is an important part as well!

      Thanks again for sharing! Blessings, Kate

  2. I have found that wishing for attraction to return is akin to wishing to be fit without exercising and eating properly. Wanting the reward without the work. It’s the attitudes and behaviours that must change: wanting to eat right and exercise. This will naturally bring the result of fitness.

    Nowhere does God say, “Find your husband attractive.” What He does say to wives is, to respect their husbands. Attraction, after being married (as opposed to ‘first attraction’ more like lust) is a natural product of respect.

    • Hi Robyn,

      Thanks so much for commenting and sharing.

      I would agree with you that following God’s word about respecting your husband is huge and will definitely play a part in attraction. Yet even though there is no scripture says we must find our spouse attractive, I think it is a part of God’s desire for spouses. We are asked to love others and look at them as Christ does. Our relationship as husband and wife is to mirror that of Christ and the church. We are his radiant Bride. I believe God desires for us to be attracted to each other-he created the physical side of marriage, for his good purposes!

      For me the questions is “Is it part of the heart for what God desires for the marriage relationship?” I do realize we can differ on the answer to this question, but I feel it is.

      Thanks again for sharing, Blessings, Kate

  3. I don’t always struggle with feeling attracted to my husband, but it has come and gone throughout our relationship. I love being near him, I love spending time with him, I love holding his hand and snuggling. However, it isn’t uncommon for him to get home from work and be excited to be intimate, and I just don’t find him alluring. The Enemy will magnify his flaws in my mind (physical or character), and daily life (e.g. his long day at work, an interpersonal conflict, a worry or concern of his, a project he is focused on instead of me) may shroud his attractive qualities As far as what is going on inside of me, I am often tired after taking care of our son and taking care of the house, preoccupied mentally with my to-do list or an interpersonal conflict, and as a woman I have ebbs and flows in my libido. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I am not feeling attracted to him. Other times the Enemy tempts me to blame my husband and focus on all the ways he doesn’t meet the bar of my expectation.

    Side note–There are things he can do that increase my attraction– shave, get a haircut, shower, wear a nice shirt and cologne, be helpful and attentive. And I know the same goes for me! There are some frumpy comfortable clothes I have that simply aren’t attractive– I either wear those when he’s gone or if we’re having a lazy day, make up for it by looking nicer in the evening. So I try to make myself desirable to him.

    I was thinking that maybe it was my husband’s fault that I struggled with attraction. If only he would (fill in the blank) then I wouldn’t struggle with this. God really convicted me that this wasn’t the case. Before we got married there was a lot of romance and desire–after we got married same thing, and we loved making love all the time. What changed? My husband is still the same person. Sure, we’ve both seen unpleasant sides of each other the past 5 years of marriage. And like a new toy or beautiful painting, the thrill and newness wanes.

    I think the difference has been in my attitude. If my husband is not living up to my expectations/fantasies of life, then I feel disappointed with him, and less interested in intimacy. But, he can’t be perfect all the time, and neither can I. I am reading Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas and it really stresses the importance of focusing our hearts and minds on our husband’s good qualities and being thankful for who God made them. When I am struggling with feeling attracted, I take these steps. 1. I reject the temptation to dwell on that negative state of mind 2. I start reminding myself of our love story and all my husband’s qualities 3. I think about how good I can make him feel by appreciating him, being kind to him, and pursuing him. 4. I pray for God’s help along the way. Beyond finding him attracted, I want to love him well and find mutual joy and satisfaction in our marriage. And if that could only be done with a smokin’ hot, perfect man, then few if any of us would be happily married.

  4. I have had problems feeling attracted to my husband lately. I haven’t even been wanting him to touch me or kiss me. One big issue for me is his oral hygiene. I have to practically beg him to brush and he NEVER flosses or uses mouth rinse. This has caused him it have bad breath even after he does brush. Then he likes to kiss me a lot, on the mouth and cheeks and I hate it. I hate the smell and his teeth are turning yellow which I find very unattractive. It’s like he has morning breath all the time.

    He has gained weight, but that has never bothered me. I’m more attracted to a man that has some meat on his bones rather than skin and bones! So the other main thing that has been making me feel less attracted to him is money. He doesn’t make very much at all, which is am fine with but he thinks he makes soooooo much money and spends accordingly. He buys things we can’t afford and we end up struggling to buy groceries. And he always complains about the grocery bill when I do go shopping. I do the best I can, buy cheap brands, use coupons and plan meals out with a list. I think I spend much less than I should. When I ask him how much I can spend on groceries he says something ridiculous like 40 dollars. We are stationed overseas so I can’t exactly get a job and I feel like I’m not being taken care of. What even scares me more is I am pregnant and I fear of not being able to provide for our child. I am already not eating well at home. He’s on the internet looking at 30-40 thousand dollar trucks with no money and terrible credit with a baby on the way! Ugh! I wish he was more realistic instead of materialistic and more responsible with money. After bills we had 80 dollars (which I needed for groceries) and he decided to spend the money on a wireless keyboard and mouse. Something we didn’t need or couldn’t afford. I sent him in the store to get toothpaste and that’s what he comes out with. I feel like I can’t even trust him to go to the store by himself and like he has the financial mentality of a 13 year old. Verrrrry unattractive.

    Two minor things is he are a huge know it all and he’s super jealous. He knows everrrrrrything and everyone else, especially me knows nothing. He’s always right and I’m always wrong. It’s frustrating. He’s jealous to the point where he gets mad if I talk on the phone with MY BROTHER!!!!!!

    I’m going to take the advice from this article and pray about it and any other advice would be helpful. I can’t talk to him about it because he is very sensitive. I asked him if we could talk with a professional and he refused.

    • Yes, totally agree, the MOST unattractive thing is not looks at all – its immaturity. If I have to “lead the leader” or be the mother to a full grown man, I CERTAINLY don’t want to be his LOVER. I think that’s a biological response for women, we don’t get turned on by “boys who shave.” Perhaps so we don’t make babies with babies, at least I think that’s what nature intended by the total turn off it is when your man handles money poorly, or gives other big reasons to make you feel insecure. I’m not talking about the insecurities of the woman (looks, weight, etc), but when a woman feels insecure about about the stability of her family, the future and how you’re going to feed, clothe and provide for kids… that insecurity is not a warm fuzzy feeling that makes me want to be intimate.

    • Wow, your description of your husband is very unappealing indeed. Bad breath is a huge turn off and his irresponsible spending/money managing skills would cause you to behave more like his mother than his wife. The financial stress this brings into your life would make every day a struggle. If he is not willing to work on these issues with you then he is saying he doesn’t care. I would move on if he will not partner with you to improve your marriage.

    • Mel, I think you and your husband do need to see a counsellor like a pastor you trust. You will continue to feel frustrated, and your husband will not be completely aware of his faults. Everything you described sounds like control on many levels. A mediator is necessary when it reaches to that. Many marriages fall apart because of not receiving Godly counsel. God wants the very best for your marriage, and the bible does highlight that Christians should seek Godly counsel when there are disagreements. A counsellor will ask the right questions and get you to both understand what is going on. You must also pray, but God has not called us to live in a box with our problems. Your husband might also be more likely to listen if someone else sheds light on what he is doing and shows him the error of his ways biblically. Pray and ask God to show you who to go to for counselling. If you attend a church, then your pastor would be the best person, since you are both under his leadership and your husband will respect his authority and insight.

  5. I’m glad I found this post today, of all days. I will take everyone’s advice and focus on the positives. I want to lust for my husband again. I want to find him attractive. I don’t want to want anyone else…I can’t even describe how hard this is. Thank you for this…

  6. Have been struggling for years with this. This article seems a a little one sided like the woman is the only one who should work on the problem. I try to be supportive & encouraging with his weight issues, health issues, & work issues. I have been completely honest about what I need from him & still there is no change. I have 2 choices: stay because its what I’m supposed to do & for our kids to have their father (which he is a great dad) & accept my unhappiness or admit that this relationship is over & move on. I don’t even want another man I just want to be happy in my life. He will not go to counseling & even if he would, we can’t afford it. I am stuck.

  7. This has been something that I have struggled with on and off from the beginning of our marriage. I grew up watching my mom critique and try to control my dad about his appearance and the way he acted. When I introduced my husband to her, I remember she said “Really? He looks a lot better in his [Facebook] picture with a hat on”. And as much as I love my mom but didn’t want to be like that, it seemed to have rubbed off on me. I used to always make him wear a hat when we were dating (he started balding at 18), but he stopped once we got married. I even had second thoughts about going through with the wedding because even though I loved him, I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him. Now we have been married for almost 6 years, we have 2 kids, and we are going through a stage in our marriage that is really rough for me. I don’t feel happy. We are doing marriage coaching every 2 weeks, but I feel like it’s not enough. I want to be a wonderful wife. I don’t enjoy his personality half of the time (joking/pestering/picking on me), and I also deal with attractiveness. What do I have to hold on to? I love him… he is truly a great man who is sensitive, loving, kind, protective….. but I’m not in love with him. All I see is his baldness, the bump that grew on his forehead and never went away, the fact that his facial hair is patchy, etc… I have prayed sooooo many times that God would rip out my eyes and give me His so that I could be attracted to my husband, but that prayer hasn’t been answered yet. I want to be happy with him, I want to be attracted to him, I want be in love with him, but that seems so far from reach. I hate that about myself. He loves me through my good moods and bad, and he has thought I was sexy even after delivering 2 kids and having stretch marks and the ‘mommy pooch’. Why can’t I do the same??

  8. This has been something that I have struggled with on and off from the beginning of our marriage. I grew up watching my mom critique and try to control my dad about his appearance and the way he acted. When I introduced my husband to her, I remember she said “Really? He looks a lot better in his [Facebook] picture with a hat on”. And as much as I love my mom but didn’t want to be like that, it seemed to have rubbed off on me. I used to always make him wear a hat when we were dating (he started balding at 18), but he stopped once we got married. I even had second thoughts about going through with the wedding because even though I loved him, I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him. Now we have been married for almost 6 years, we have 2 kids, and we are going through a stage in our marriage that is really rough for me. I don’t feel happy. We are doing marriage coaching every 2 weeks, but I feel like it’s not enough. I want to be a wonderful wife. I don’t enjoy his personality half of the time (joking/pestering/picking on me), and I also deal with attractiveness. What do I have to hold on to? I love him… he is truly a great man who is sensitive, loving, kind, protective….. but I’m not in love with him. All I see is his baldness, the bump that grew on his forehead and never went away, the fact that his facial hair is patchy, etc… I have prayed sooooo many times that God would rip out my eyes and give me His so that I could be attracted to my husband, but that prayer hasn’t been answered yet. I want to be happy with him, I want to be attracted to him, I want be in love with him, but that seems so far from reach. I hate that about myself. He loves me through my good moods and bad, and he has thought I was sexy even after delivering 2 kids and having stretch marks and the ‘mommy pooch’. Why can’t I do the same??

  9. I feel like this article is one sided almost saying that the husband has no responsibility. I have dealt with this for years. I have been blatantly honest with what I need; have encouraged during a bad job situation; & have tried to promote a healthy lifestyle etc. Nothing has worked. Do I stay out of obligation & because it’s what is expected of me? Or do I end it & start over? There are 3 children involved. I just want to be happy, I don’t even want another man. I just can’t picture living the rest of my life feeling such animosity & resentfulness.

  10. Ashley, our stories are almost identical-except that we just celebrated our 13th anniversary. I married young-I was only 23 and we only dated for four months before getting married. I had such low self-esteem and really believed that he was the best I could ever have. In a way that’s still true. He is amazing in every way that matters. Except that I never stopped to consider the fact that I never lusted for him. I’ve never been able to look at him the way he looks at me and I hate it. I’ve been asking God to change my eyes and make me see him the way I’m supposed to. I refuse to end my marriage because I can’t lust for him. I’m completely leaving this in God’s hands and believing that something will change. I am so broken over this but I refuse to give up…

  11. “Tell him: Your husband needs to keep hearing from you in many different ways that you find him sexy, attractive, handsome and irresistible!”

    You want me to lie to him?!?

    Anyhow, not in every case but as a general rule: men are more hardwired to be attracted by looks and visual stimulation. Women are more hardwired to be attracted to how a man acts and carries himself, and by what he says.

    Despite his morbid obesity, I simply can’t get aroused by a man who behaves like he does. I still love him very, very much. I also love my mother very much, but could not be aroused by her even if I tried. It’s the same thing.

    In addition, I can *show* him respect as commanded by God, but it is difficult to *feel* respect for him.

  12. Thank you Kate for being obedient and allowing God to use you. I’ve read so many secular articles on this subject. How, refreshing to get the Christian perspective. It will be a year for my husband and I next month. We’ve been struggling. I have more of a struggle then he does.

    We got into a argument last night about this very subject. I believe He knows I’m not attracted to him 98% of the time. His love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch.

    I’ve been so caught up in how I feel and questioning if we should have married. Your article has really helped me. I will be praying that God helps me in my marriage.

    Blessings on you,

    Alexis Smith

    • I’m grateful for finding this article. It made me feel less alone. My husband and I haven’t even been married for a year and I find myself not attracted to him. It’s a combination of his attitude…lots of sarcasm. Physically he has gained weight and has a thick beard I can’t stand. I am trying to be supportive and respectful. I help meal planning, encourage him to work out even if it means I’m left at home with our son doing homework, packing lunches, etc. I have not talked to my husband about this(outside of please shave your beard) -I’m not even sure what I would say. Does anyone have advice in addition to praying?

  13. I can relate to Sherry and Ashley. I married when I was 20 and he was 19. Of course we look different. I am friends with my husband, I love him, he is a wonderful husband. I am not attracted to stupid little things and long for other things. Physically, his face looks amazing. He has really big cheeks but his smile and eyes are beautiful. His hair has thinned a little but other than it making his forehead look big I don’t really notice. He has gained weight and his muscles have softened and that bothers me some but he really beats himself up over it so I am always reminding him that the change is small and he’s comparing himself to when he was in high school and playing sports and I try to remember to tell him what I like about him. My real struggles with his appearance are things he can’t help. He’s short, his torso is very short, his legs are thick, he makes weird faces and holds weird postures during sex. It’s so petty and he can’t even do anything to change it but it makes sex very difficult!!! And I’ve never had sex with anyone else so I just want to scream “No fair!!” Aside from the physical, I don’t like how he dresses, he’s a horrible dancer, I don’t like most of his family (they make our life difficult), he touches me all the time like sexually and I hate it, he doesn’t make much money, can’t decide on a career, and is always always always at work. I am soooo lonely!!! We have had legit issues in our marriage before and have overcome it all and have never in that time stopped being friends. He is a wonderful man and works hard. None of these petty issues have ever bothered me until the last few months. Then all of a sudden this week, while I’m struggling with this, I see the guy that lives down the street dropping his kid off at school and he stopped to say hi. I hardly know him but he’s related to my friend and she talks about him and wow is he attractive!! He was making good money until he was fired from his job because he refused to spend so much time away from his family. So now he’s home most of the day down the street from where I’m home most of the day. He works in the yard a lot so I’ve stopped jogging to avoid talking to him. I don’t want to think like this, I want to be attracted to my husband, my best friend, the father to my children.

  14. My husband has a very long beard and I never liked beards , but being 65 he looks terrible, I have told him how I feel, but he thinks he looks fine.
    I believe I am a Christian woman & he may not be saved.
    I know I have with held myself from him and that most likely is a SIN.
    As you stated above, I guess I really need the pray and ask GOD to help me give myself to my husband and stop with holding myself physically.
    RIGHT ?

  15. Thankfully I dont struggle with looking at other men. We dont watch TV or read popular magazines or watch inappropriate movies. Comparison is not an issue. The issue is health. He had to go on cholesterol meds in his 30s because of the weight gain and has to see the doctor every three months for check-ups. Doctor says lose weight and he doesnt listen. Scares me to death. Also he is in a health related field where he is in magazines and on TV teaching others how to eat healthy, traveling to cities to talk to kids about their health. He hasnt just gained “a little weight.” He has gained a lot. When he was exercising and watching his food intake, he was able to reduce his cholesterol meds from one pill a day to one 1/2 pill every other day. No so anymore. I ask the HS to make me attracted to him again regularly, but I find myself feeling like his behavior is risky and as his wife I feel insecure.

  16. This is exactly what I needed to read. I’ve always struggled with physical attraction to my husbands body. He has been fairly overweight since we were just friends in college. It wasn’t as much of a problem then as it is now. He’s been out of town working very long hours and since September and all that stress and stress eating have made him balloon up to be quite large. I’d estimate he is close to 350 now, and only 5’10 or so. I’ve been looking for a Godly perspective on this issue, and this was it: incredibly convicting and encouraging. Thank you so much!

  17. I was never attracted to my husband, even before marriage. In fact, I was embarrassed by him. He’s very short but I always thought I was being shallow and even sinning by making this an issue. We’ve been married 6 years now and I never knew how much of a problem this would be in a marriage. I feel do stuck and heavy. I feel bad for him that he isn’t married to someone who wants to be with him and I feel hopeful and desperately sad.

  18. I know my lak of attraction towards my husband is not physical reasoning, he is very handsome. But he and I have zero intellectual connetions, and it is wearing on me. My career is nursing, to care for people, to put others first, to be selfless, and if I have to skip a meal to continue providing the best care possible then I will do that without hesitation. My husband on the otherhand does not understand or want to even try to understand why I care so much about people. Nevermind that it is Biblical. I am trying to be respectful toward my husband, I am trying my best not to lose respect for him or to deprive him of sex. I know sex is important for men, but I don’t even want to think about having sex with him. He wants it all the time, I make excuses or simply walk away and try to play it off as “Well, I need to clean the house” or make up an excuse. Anything not to shake the sheets. I am becoming bitter, I am fully aware of my actions. I am in control of my actions, I’m trying to be a godly, loving wife. But he makes it so hard. I pray for him, but maybe I am praying with the wrong motives. I don’t know. I do not want a divorce. But our marriage is not where it should be. I get in these slums like this, I get down about my marriage and have to force myself to get back up and be better. Force. There should be no ”forcing” in marrage. And each time I get in these slums, they are sug a little deeper each time. It’s harder to get out of them. I don’t know what else to do. I want to love him, to respect him, but I feel like my independency is being strangled, I cannot live my life for myself anymore. Marriage is WE not ME.

  19. My husband is an incredible man! He sacrifices,I have so much freedom. He’s not jealous I can go on and on. The downfall? We’ve been living with his mom for a while. The first 5yrs of marriage he refused to move out, I asked him why he married me and brought me into misery if he wasn’t ready to be a man and lead his woman! He surely doesn’t give me butterflies, I don’t renember the last time I was attracted him: ( hes not sensual, he wants sex but doesn’t know how to attract me. I’m beginning to visualize in my mind what it’d be like to have a real man.