Husband; “Wow, Hun you look great.” Wife; “No I don’t.” Every guy I know says that they have had this conversation with their wife countless times. Kate’s post, “I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore“, and my still wildly popular “I Don’t Find My Wife Attractive Anymore” brought up the extremes of dealing with attraction. This is a battle that almost every couple has. Eventually one of two things happens. Either the wife finally starts to believe her husband and takes the compliment. Or, sick of fighting it the husband stops telling her all together.
The comment that your wife makes isn’t just fishing for more compliments and it isn’t calling you a liar. Her response is not intended to hurt you at all. It is usually based out of years of training to not appreciate the way that she looks. It may take years of “unlearning” before she will stop the immediate come back. Here are a few ways you can help her take the compliment
Speak Up Specifically
Guys even if we are not the root of the problem our reaction does alot to determine how our wife will react. When we don’t notice our wives or we don’t take the time to stop and tell them specifically what we like about them. It is easy to say “You look nice” while you are passing each other, or during a commercial break. It takes more commitment to be specific. If you can relate to the constant denial argument, then your first step is to get specific.
Mention her clothes, pay attention to her hair, point out your favorite body parts! Whatever you do make it specific to what you like about your wife. It is much harder to deny a specific compliment then it is the generic “you look great.” She will still try, but it is a start.
Start with I Think
Rather than saying, “You look great in that shirt, it really shows off your curves” try adding a “I think” in front of your statement. “Wow, I think you look great in those jeans.” “I think your hair looks really nice tonight.”
It is much harder to deny what you think rather than you telling her what she is.
Even if your wife continues on the denials it doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate the compliment. Don’t give up. Remember her come back is not intended to hurt you, it is only showing you a picture of the hurt that she already has inside of her. It is your job to root it out. Be persistent. Don’t give up!
Ladies do you have any other suggestions for us?
Guys does this happen to you? How have you dealt with it?
Let us know in the comments!
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