Day 5- Hitting the Wall

Brad says…

It will happen, it might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but sometime during this challenge you will hit a wall. You will have that “I could pass on sex today” thought. This might be a regular thought for you, or this might be the very first time you have ever had this thought. When you hit that wall you have some choices to make.

Most marriages have one spouse who has a higher sex drive than the other.10-Day-Challenge-day-5

If you are the lower drive spouse this “wall hitting” might not be a new experience for you. You still have a choice, do you pass on sex today waiting for your drive to grow again, or do you push forward, allowing your mind to catch up.

Often, our minds will develop desire only after our body has started experiencing sensations. I encourage you to continue with the challenge and learn or relearn the art of climbing over the wall.

If you are the high drive spouse than take this “wall hitting” opportunity to understand how your spouse feels. They hit this wall on a regular basis. Take this opportunity to understand what it means when they say things like, “let me get my head around it”, or “I don’t yet, but maybe later”.

They are recognizing your desire and working to get over a wall. Your understanding what this is like will dramatically improve your sexual communication and intimacy.

Prayer Point

You both have things you can learn about sexual intimacy together. Today pray that God will continue to use your time in the challenge to teach you how you can be a better husband / wife to the spouse that he has given you.

Washing in the Word

Excerpts from Song of Solomon 4 (NLT)

Husband (to wife) You have captured my heart,
my treasure, my bride.
You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes,
with a single jewel of your necklace.
Your love delights me,
my treasure, my bride.
Your love is better than wine,
your perfume more fragrant than spices.
Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride.
Honey and milk are under your tongue.
Your clothes are scented
like the cedars of Lebanon.
You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride,
secluded spring, a hidden fountain.
Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates
with rare spices—
henna with nard and saffron,
fragrant calamus and cinnamon,
with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes,
and every other lovely spice.
You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water
streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.

 10 Day Challenge – Day 5 Giveaway!

We have 2 great prizes for today’s giveaway!

Tony & Lauren Dungy’s book: Uncommon Marriage: What We’ve Learned about Lasting Love and Overcoming Life’s Obstacles Together.

Tony and Lauren share the secrets that hold them together, revealing what they’ve learned so far about being a good husband or wife; getting through times of loss, grief, or change; staying connected despite busy schedules; supporting each other’s dreams and goals; and helping each other grow spiritually. They offer encouragement and practical advice to equip your marriage to survive tough issues and flourish with joy, purpose, and partnership—in other words, to be a marriage that is truly uncommon. Today’s winner will get a copy of the book and the great Uncommon Marriage Bible Study to go with it!

That’s not all! In addition to the great books today’s winner will get an awesome Love Sign to hang in your house or bedroom, created by a dear friend Connie B.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

(if you get this via email or rss feed you may need to visit the post to enter)

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18 Responses to Day 5- Hitting the Wall

  1. Wish to add that sexual maladjustment in marriage could also cause Hitting the Wall.

    When we are deeply committed to our marriage and to each other, the issue of sex problem will never arise because we be ready and willing to satisfy each other sexually at all time.

  2. I happily say we have a much more equal drive than we used to in our 26 years of marriage. I was the MUCH lower desire spouse until about 3 years ago. We have three children all 20s and up now. Our “wall” has been that we now have two of our sons living back home. (the oldest that just graduated from college and actively looking for employment & our youngest that had to come back to live at home to take classes at our local community college to get his grades back up~if you know what I mean!) We had that wonderful empty nest and then all the sudden…yep, you guessed it…our wall 2 walls that live upstairs! Don’t get me wrong, I love our boys and love having them home. It’s just kind of hard to have alone time with my man. i really appreciate you guys and this challenge. 🙂

  3. As the higher drive spouse in my relationship, hitting the wall doesn’t happen…except when one is sick with the flu and trying desperately not to hack up a lung. Happily, my loving husband is okay with pausing our intimacy long enough to allow me to breathe. 🙂

    It’s been interesting, I’ll give you that much. But we also learn to laugh a lot at all the craziness that happens with real life intimacy. It definitely doesn’t look anything like the movies and that’s a beautiful thing!

  4. Date Night in: We watched The Song. Highly recommend this movie which definitely highlights the struggles many marriages have with communication/intimacy.

  5. I just found this blog post. Can’t wait to read up and study this a bit more. As a PW, I’m always looking for materials to use with my one on one counseling sessions.

  6. Our wall comes after a long day and we are exhausted. Thank you for the encouragement and the wonderful scripture to help us press on.

  7. I have been enjoying this challenge so much. We both have tried to make every evening include variety. Last year I tried to wear a different colored outfit for every night. Unfortunately my husband got sick on Day 2.

    The good news is that we are both healthy for this year’s challenge. I give my husband an invite in the morning with a hint of the color I will wear for the evening. I want to make it fun and exciting. Let him think about it all day. 🙂

  8. This year we have been able to do the challenge with each day. Last year we had to plan it ahead and finish before you all started because of the that time of the month… it has been so awesome this year

  9. What if you are the higher drive spouse and YOU hit the wall? I’m definitely the higher drive spouse in my marriage, but I don’t usually desire sex every day. So, after three or four days of the challenge it’s easy for me to feel fine taking a day or two break. What can I do to push through and not give up?

    • Steve,
      That is the EXACT point! You learning what your wife experiences when you desire and she does not. Learning how to bring about desire is key. Usually it takes time, it takes patience, maybe even action starts before desire. All of that is a learning process and more importantly developing empathy for what your wife is doing on a regular basis.