Kate says . . .
It hurts! Bad. It shatters all that we once knew. Broken, shattered trust. Tears flow, body aches and the soul weeps.
I remember the day in our marriage very clearly when in one evening my eyes were opened and trust was shattered. Where it once encompassed all of me and our relationship, it was now at my feet in broken, mismatched pieces. I had no idea where to start in picking myself along with the pieces back up. When I sought to put them back together, through my tear swollen eyes, it never seem to fit like it used to. The puzzle had changed and me along with it.
People reach out all the time, hurting deeply, asking how they can trust their spouse again when it has been shattered. It is a great questions and one many marriages deal with on some level, some deal with it in a very real, raw level.
In those raw moments when you trust is shattered and you feel as though it broke you as well. When we can’t see through the blur of tears and heart sadness. We can cry out to Jesus. The one person who knows what it is like to feel shattered and broken.
He knows exactly how you feel and is there for each tear you cry. Allow Him to cradle you in his loving arms, restoring what has been damaged. Knowing that he sees you, loves you and loves your spouse as well. No matter what either of you have done, He still loves you just the same. Cling to Him for each moment of strength in the day. He CAN be this and everything else you need.
Trust – It’s a two-way street
In those moments when I wanted deeply to trust again, I realized something very important – trust is partially earned and partially given. So when Brad and I were working through this hurdle in marriage, I had to be willing to give a bit of trust-an offering.
While Brad also was seeking my trust with his actions, words, love and forgiveness. I believe it is the only way to healing, forgiveness and restoration.
You may not trust your spouse . . .
For those of you who feel like giving trust is out of the questions, I ask you one question. While you may not trust your spouse, do you trust God?
He has promised that he will be with you through all of your troubles. He understands. We often struggle to put our trust in fellow humans. God is not like us. His promises are good and he will never abandon us. Trust in God and let him lead you in giving trust back to your spouse.
Continue to love your spouse as God is asking
When we hurt, we want our spouse to know how much we hurt. We want them to know we feel wronged. It is a normal reaction and yet the challenge is to seek to see your spouse as God does. To love, forgive and pursue them as God desires us to, instead of exercising our victim rights.
I know what you are thinking, that if we are wronged we deserve to exercise victim rights. I will not deny this. When trust was broken for us, there were many late night talks, working through what had happened. Seeking to have a spirit of reconciliation can have a huge impact.
Seeking reconciliation does not mean you ignore what happened. It is a tall order and hard at times, but it is generous and seeking to love our spouse as God asks.
Rebuilding after shattered trust is not easy, but it is possible. With God’s healing grace mending you it is possible.
Have you experienced hope after shattered trust? Share your story in the comments, there are so many out there that need to hear a ray of hope!