3 Things you need to know about struggling with low desire

Kate says . . .

I remember the time clearly, because the mind remembers emotional pain as if it were yesterday. Our minds can forget physical pain, but recall emotional pain almost instantly.

I remember because there are current moments where I wonder if I will travel down the same scary broken road. Will I struggle with my inner self while wrestling with God. I do not want to go back there! Ever! And yet it is through that time of brokenness that I can now share my struggles and see the how God restores and heals.

I am a wife who has struggled with low desire for sex in her marriage and these are three things you need to know about a spouse who struggles like me. Husband or wife, it make no difference.3 Things you need to know about struggling with low desire

Just because I struggle with desire, doesn’t mean I don’t desire my husband

It seems to be a contradiction. I know. I get it. But in all the time that I was struggling with desire for sex, I wanted to want sex! I found my hubby very attractive and desired him. Yet when that translated to wanting sex, I struggled.

I just could not seem to make my body respond to the desire that I had. I believe that if we had not experienced our breakthrough change in our marriage, it would have crippled us and eventually I would have tamped down any sexual feelings for my hubby to “deal.” I would have kept my head buried in the sand so that I did not have to deal with the reality of the lack of sex in our marriage.

Struggling with desiring sex, does not mean we do not desire our spouse!

I felt incredibly broken

If I am being real, I still have the fear of struggling like that again in our marriage. It was not a fun or joyous time. It was dark and depressing. It was quite simple . . . I felt broken and alone.

Completely broken.

I entered marriage excited to share sex with this amazing man and while it worked physically, it wasn’t working in other ways. I knew my struggle with desire was crippling our marriage and yet, I had no idea what to do. We may stick our head in the sand, which is not right, but we feel completely broken.

It is emotionally, physically and spiritually taxing on BOTH spouses.

Sex is such a beautiful thing, designed by God to connect us as husband and wife. The connection is so complex, that it touches us emotionally, spiritually and physically. The struggle with sex taxes us in all of those areas.

I would cry out to God, wondering why I was this way. Why did he create sex if it wasn’t going to be a blessing? Both Brad and I were struggling. It is not a one-sided struggle. Which just points to the beautiful dance that sex is. There is no one-sided struggle with sex in a marriage. It is not a “him” or “her” issue. It is an “us” issue.

The other side of the bed

While I struggled with desire for sex, across the bed from me was an amazing man who was also struggling. He desired to share sex with his wife and was hurting deeply. It is so vital for us to understand what it is like for both the lower drive spouse as well as the higher drive spouse. To understand their perspective, hurts and joys.

While I share openly with you what it was like to be the lower drive spouse, that in no way excuses sticking my head in the sand about my struggles with desire for sex. Some of the habits I allowed myself to form, the ways I rejected my hubby, the excuses I made, the selfishness and the lack of seeking help are NOT ok!

Sex is part of God’s design for marriage. You cannot ignore the hurdles and issues that arise.

If and when . . .

So the question, “What happens if I ever struggle again like that again?” begs to be answered. What would I do?

Instead of burying my head, I would pray and talk to my hubby. Then see where we needed to go from there. I know that he will do the same if (and in all reality) when we have a hurdle to get over with sex. Life is going to throw us curve balls, we are going to keep getting older. Sex is going to have its struggles. While I honestly do fear that on some level, I also have the testament of how God has brought us through that time, as well as many other authors/bloggers and friends who have a similar testimony.

God is faithful and I will not run from his plan for marriage and sex, because it is oh so good!

Have you struggled with low desire in your marriage?

What would you add to my list that needs to be understood?

How have you been able to overcome those hurdles? Leave us a comment and let us know!

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18 Responses to 3 Things you need to know about struggling with low desire

  1. My wife and I used to have arguments about our mismatched sex drives… I would try to be patient with my wife’s “low” libido, and then get angry with her for her lack of performance. I was never satisfied with what she gave and she knew it… so why on earth would she want to improve?

    But… there was nothing wrong with her. It was all me. I wasn’t the husband that inspired, sparked, or fanned the flames of desire in her for me. Yeah, I was a good father and provider, and never went without a job… BUT I was not meeting her emotional needs as a stay at home mom and wife. In short… my neglect CAUSED her low sex drive.

    Today it’s much different… I learned years ago how to operate in a caring-but-masculine way that not only earns respect from her, but also sparks affection and intimacy. I’m having a hard time keeping up with her now.

    While there are lots of reasons why a woman can have a low sex drive… I think the most common cause is hidden resentment for her husband.

    • David, I don’t want to minimize your comments. After 30 years of marriage, most of which I, and my wife blamed me and my upbringing, for our marital sex problems. I was raised in a very love starved home. No hugs, kisses, or any kind of affection … very often.

      My wife, otoh, was raised with hugs, kisses, affection, and love. She should have been good at it, right?

      Your words almost parrot what my wife and I have said for years; If I were better at showing her affection, she would be better at sexual desire for me.

      After counselling last summer, my wife had a HUGE discovery that she was holding back for all those years as a way of forcing me to become more of what was so unnatural and uncomfortable. SHE was a big part of the problem.

      I’m not saying you’re wrong in your comments. I needed to be more of what she wanted and needed. But please, don’t fall into the same trap I did and believe that it was all me. Your wife probably needs to accept some of the responsibility as well.

      I would also recommend counselling for both of you, and all other couples struggling with these issues. For my wife and I, we completed the counselling and took a 3 week road trip last summer. It was the honeymoon we never had 30 years later. We not only had sex daily. We sometimes had sex multiple times. We were like teens. It was AWESOME when we BOTH had our issues laid out on the table and working together.

      God bless, and happy sexing. I’ve always said that God made these bodies sexual amusement parks. When we married, we received an “E” ticket. It’s time to ride ALL the rides!

      • Hi Marriedheat,

        I completely agree with you… we both had some growing up to do, but I needed to lead and be the model for our relationship to flourish. Most of what I was describing all happened back in 2008, since then we have both taken our marriage to higher levels of closeness and intimacy. You’re right… it wasn’t all me… after I improved myself first, I then led, inspired, and encouraged my wife to come out of her shell.

  2. I too struggled and the thing that helped me the most was when my husband, by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, finally accepted me exactly how I was….low desire and all. He exemplified 1 Corinthians 13 to me: love is patient…love does not demand its own way. Something happened in that time (8 months) where he loved me despite my low desire. He was an instrument of God’s healing by simply letting me be right where I was. In the end, God did a miracle. After six months of not even knowing what he was doing, he finally told me that he had laid all of his expectations aside and simply was happy for the intimate times we did have. That began the healing process for me. Having no pressure to live up to a standard that I was far from meeting helped me immeasurably. Actually, the love he showed me also help strengthen my desire for him. I loved him more than ever, especially for his patience and kindness towards me. After almost 18 years of marriage, I now have a strong desire for husband. Not only did the desire come….it came with a ROAR!!!! He was a little caught off guard by my change, fearing that it will disappear as quickly as it appeared. Either way, I know that what God taught us both during that time will be imperative if we ever have to walk that road again. To God be the glory and praise forever…..

  3. I love the honesty here! Thanks so much. Yes, we need to have grace for one another, communicate where we are, and assure one another of our love. I think low desire for one spouse needs to be an WE problem. Then a couple can work together to solve it!

  4. I happen to be experiencing similar situations and I must say it’s ugly. But then I have come to realize that the problems is hidden resentments which has further killed this desire for my husband. And then also realizing that he also is not reaching our worsens how I feel. Well I have committed it to God but sometimes I keep asking if I am expecting too much sexually. And I have to be in a good frame of mind to want it anyway.

    My question is, if the woman desires to have sex more than her husband , then what happens , if he fails to realize that she is starved of it? and not just unfulfilling sex but a rather passionate one.

    Am in that dilemma and I don’t know what else to do but pray as I have tried pleasing him in different ways.

  5. This was the first thing that I read this morning, and I sense the Holy Spirit speaking to many of us dealing with this issue. For me, a near tragedy started the journey that my husband and I have encountered. He is a cancer survivor, and when his prostate was removed, the desire for sex and intimacy all but disappeared. Unfortunately, we had other marital issues at the time, and we began counseling with his being angry and frustrated with how I handled life in general. We have an amazing counselor who walked us through each issue with patience and grace. While most of the problems have been resolved, a few still remain. We continue to work on our intimacy, and I am beginning to accept the things that I need to change, and am trying to get back into individual counseling to get the help that I need. I no longer blame my husband for his feelings, or lack thereof, but am sensitive to what he goes through, and try my best to reassure him that no matter what, I still love him and choose to be with him after almost 24 years of marriage.

    We have to extend the same grace to our spouses that God gives us, and not try to blame or seek inappropriate alternatives in our search for love, acceptance and intimacy. We must act out 1 Corinthians 13 everyday, whether we feel it or not; whether we like it or not, as mature believers. May the Lord bless you!

  6. Your first point is interesting. As the wife with the higher drive, I struggle with this constantly. You say “just because I struggle with low desire doesn’t mean I don’t desire my husband.” This can be hard for the higher drive spouse to accept, especially if the hds is the wife. I have convinced myself that my husband’s low desire is because he is not attracted to me. Or at least not enough to want to be intimate. He gets so frustrated when he tells me he loves me and he thinks I’m beautiful and he wants me and I struggle to believe any of it.
    It just seems with all I read about this issue, which is almost always the reverse, that men (those who are attracted to their wives, anyway) want sex far more than their wives do. We are the very exact opposite and it is painful.
    Yesterday my husband talked a lot about what he wanted to do last night. Lo and behold, night comes around and he falls asleep. When he woke up, he tried, but I could tell he wasn’t into it. So I told him it was oKay, but then he feels badly. He says he feels badly that he gets so tired. Sometimes he says he feels badly that he can’t “fulfill my needs” – which REALLY makes me feel like a worthless leech when he uses that line. Like he doesn’t want to be with me, he’d just trying to fulfill some requirement. No thanks.
    He is very loving. I just wish he wanted me. He always says he does, but his actions say otherwise. I dunno. That’s why I found your first comment interesting. I always thought that a healthy married person would crave sex with their spouse, unless they didn’t find them attractive.

    • Hi B, Thanks for commenting and sharing where you are. Let me just start by saying that I completely get where you are coming from. Yet that is why I felt the need to write this post, pretty much because of point #1! For me, when we entered marriage, I was just as excited for sex as my hubby. I too thought we would have it all the time and it would be amazing. Hence the feeling of being broken when that did not happen for me. I could look at Brad and feel attracted to him, to want to want sex with him, but sometimes getting my body to do the same was not easy, exhausting and down right discouraging. I know it must be very hard to hear, but I completely understand when your husband says he feels badly that he can’t fulfill your needs. I felt the same way and it broke my heart. Now that doesn’t mean that me not seeking help was ok. A lot of how I responded was NOT good and caused us many more years of sadness. But it was never a question of wanting Brad. Seems contradictory, but I share from the bottom of my heart that I have always wanted my husband and found him attractive.

      You are right that attraction or allowing yourself to lose attraction for your spouse is a contributor in many marriages. And even in ours I know Brad questioned whether or not I found him attractive. But just because we struggle with desire for sex, doesn’t mean (for everyone) that we struggle with attraction.

      I do however, as I shared, feel that over the years if you do not seek help and healing. Learn about sex and how your spouses body works, as well as your own-the enemy will continue to attack and eventually attraction can become an issue. That being said, God can heal any and all of those struggles in sex! The best thing I can say, is keep talking to your husband, sharing your heart. Sex is a giving situation. He has to give and so do you. Both lower and higher drive spouses have to give to the other our of love and a desire to serve them.

      Thanks again for sharing, Blessings, Kate

    • As the higher drive husband, I can tell you we men also have feelings of being unattractive (it’s not just a female feeling.) My hair is thinning and I’m somewhat overweight. My wife tells me she loves and wants me, but her ability to go weeks without so much as touching me tells me I’m repulsive. In my brain, I know she doesn’t feel that way (she’s just not a toucher, and I get it), but I’m constantly struggling to fight the feeling of ugliness.

      I can also relate to your comment about your husband saying he wants to “fulfill your needs.” My wife knows I’m sexually frustrated, and she feels bad about it. I’m trying to ease the pressure on her by not pressing for sex, but every now and then she’ll notice how long we’ve gone and comment about how she needs to keep me satisfied. I hear her heart, her desire to meet my needs, which I deeply appreciate, but like you, I need her to *share* that need. I really need to feel desired.

      I guess my point is that I believe the feelings higher drive spouses feel are very similar, regardless of gender.

  7. Justin & Karla Blalock. I ignored my wife for several years after we became pregnant with our second child. My daughter was still in diapers when my wife bounced around the corner yelling “its positive its positive”. Well it scared me for several reasons. 1 Anna was still in diapers, and obviously I knew how it happened, and that was what scared me the most and our sex life has almost been non existent since. I do yearn for it and recently I am longing for my wife like never before.

  8. I’m struggling a lot right now. I’ve always had the higher drive and struggled with feeling loved and desired. Working with The Lord, I have been healed of a lot of that. We’ve been pregnant 6 times and just delivered our 3rd earthly baby 2 months ago. Even with all we’ve been through, my drive was always high. For some reason, during this last pregnancy, my drive took a nose dive. I’m still not really into it and I’m getting pretty sad when I look back and am seeing weeks between quickies and can’t remember the last time we made love. I’m definitely in the midst of feeling broken. It was good to read both of your articles since I’ve now been on both sides of the fence!

  9. My husband and I have been married for over twenty years. My desire for sex has always been considerably lower than his, though it has definitely worsened in the past 5-6 years. There are such a tangled mess of influences behind it; and my husband has tried countless ways to deal with his disappointment and feelings of rejection. Most often, he asks or begs; and either I give in, and the result is not satisfactory for either of us, or I beg off, he rolls to the other side of the bed and falls asleep; hurt, silent, and resigned to the hopelessness of the situation. Both of these responses bother me, though in fairness to him, I’m not sure what I expect him to do. I know he’s frustrated.

    Occassionally, maybe 6-10 times a year, we have sex that is wonderful and intimate and very satisfying for both of us. We feel close and completely happy with the experience. Whenever those times occur, I find myself wondering, “why can’t it always be like this?” I’m sure my husband wonders, too. Usually, the very next night, I’m back to feeling lousy – either emotionally or physically, or both; and I can’t, for the life of me, make myself want to have sex.

    The other 20 or so times a year that we have sex, I do it out of duty or guilt, all the while feeling no desire whatsoever. Afterward, I feel used, hollow or like I just don’t matter.

    I know that there are physical, emotional, and spiritual influences in my low sex drive. It’s such a tangled mess, I’m not sure which came first – the lack of desire or the depression. Other feelings in the mix include: resentment, selfishness, guilt, shame, being overweight and embarrassed, irritation, exhaustion, depression, isolation, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, feeling like he can’t understand or doesn’t care – that he just blames me and doesn’t want to hear excuses.

    Though I have done so in the past, I try not to make excuses anymore. I usually just say I don’t want to have sex. I’m always tired and he knows it. I rarely “feel like it,” and he knows it. We have busy lives with four kids, and my mind is usually preoccupied, and I’m often stressed out or emotional.

    My question is, how do I change myself? I have gone through cycles where I’ve prayed, cried out to God, exercised, lost weight and gotten healthy. None of it has helped. My husband and I have talked numerous times: calmly, angrily, quietly and through tears. We’ve argued softly and loudly. We’ve had shouting matches – though those are rare anymore. He’s tried serving me without expectations, he’s tried insisting that I do his will (not forcing me, but not allowing me to say no – pulling the, “you’re my wife and it’s your duty” guilt trip). He’s tried just accepting the way things are, and waiting for me to initiate. All of these have proved fruitless and frustrating for him. I’ve mentioned it awkwardly to my doctor, and was put on birth control pills to lighten the hormonal factor (severe PMS, and heavy, long periods)

    I love my husband, but there’s a part of me, most of the time (but not always), that just wants to live together as friends without the sexual expectation. I know that is not God’s plan for marriage. I hear people talk about how great and satisfying a healthy Christian marriage’s sex-life can be. My husband and I have had some awesome sexual experiences, but they are few and far between.

    It has also taken a major toll on my walk with the Lord. I feel that I am living in sin by denying my husband, but when I do “my duty,” I resent not only my husband, but God as well. I have tried drawing closer to God, through reading my Bible and praying; I’ve also had times of pulling away from him – feeling that he won’t hear my prayers anyway, since I’m in sin. It is a constant shadow that clouds my faith in God, and my relationship with my husband – even when we go about our days as best friends, giving hugs and kisses each morning, and acting as if everything is fine – somewhat for the sake of our kids, and somewhat because we just don’t want to deal with it. We enjoy each other’s companionship, even with this issue ever present. I know my husband loves me. He has beared with me, and continues to tell me that he’ll always love me, no matter what. I know he’ll never leave me, and I’ll never leave him, and yet there is always this painful “elephant in the room.” What do I do? I’m embarrassed to talk to my pastor or anyone I know at church. Anyone who knows us would probably be surprised to learn that things are not fine in our marriage, because we do get along pretty well, in our own way…

    Thank you for this blog, and I’m sorry for the length of my comment. It’s 3:30 in the morning, and I can’t sleep. My question is, what else can I do? I’ve read through a few different posts on your site, and I find lots of empathy and compassion, which is wonderful and encouraging. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. However, I am not finding many practical steps for the person on my side of the issue to take, which may be because I simply haven’t read enough posts… Any suggestions?

    • Hi Deb,

      Thanks so much for writing and sharing where you are. My heart aches for you and your husband, not only because I have been there but because I know you want your marriage to be different.

      I am encouraged by the fact that you have processed much of where you have been, where you are and where you’d like to be. That you know that God’s plan for sex in marriage is a very good thing. Keep that in mind because it is the good things that are not going to come easily. If husbands and wives wanted to have sex each night, just like eating a meal, it would not be the special bond that it is.

      As for steps and things you can do to change . . . the number one thing is to keep crying out to God. Keep asking for his guidance, for a heart for your husband that includes sharing sex with him. Pray for your desire, that God would bring that restoration. Pray and keep asking God how you (your unique individuality) can be the best wife to your husband. Because while sex is important, working on being the wife God is calling you to be in all areas will bless your intimacy in all areas.

      It’s really hard to give you practical steps when I don’t know exactly what keeps you from having sex. Is it just that you have no desire, is it that it physically hurts? Knowing those things would help.

      As for some of the things you have mentioned, being super tired-I think all moms can relate to that. I know that I can. Brad and I have learned that if we wait until late at night, it isn’t going to happen. When our kids are finally settled, we try to each night, find sometime for us. That doesn’t mean we have sex each night by any means, but we connect at that time and give ourselves the best change to enjoy sex. The other thing for us is realizing that our best time for sex is actually when we have a morning where we can sleep in. Doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, but when it does we take advantage of it. Think about your day, when could you carve out time for just the two of you. Find that time and make it happen. Don’t let anything get in your way. Once you’ve found that time protect it with all of your strength.

      I also hear alot of mixed up emotions about sex in general. I also hear you say that you know it is good. But it seems that you cannot reconcile the two thoughts. God can heal that for you. Our emotions are real, but they do not always tell is the truth. So when we feel like sex is a pain, embarrassing, etc we need to remind ourselves that, that is NOT truth! We can replace those thoughts with truth. God loves sex and created it for marriage for GOOD! Don’t buy the lie that telling yourself these things won’t work. Trust and believe in God’s faithfulness.

      The other thing I would mention is that birth control can decrease sex drive for women. I cannot say that is happening to you for sure, but it can greatly affect it. I was on the pill and it affected me greatly, so much that I won’t go on it again. Just something to think about.

      If you’d like to talk to me through email so we can talk more specifics, please feel free to email me. There is a contact us link that will get your message to us. Know that you are not alone and that I am praying for you right now! Blessings, Kate

  10. Kate,
    Thanks so much for your response. In answer to your questions; my problem is lack of desire, not physical pain. I do have some physical issues, which are too numerous and complicated to go into, and they affect my moods and my level of desire. However, the physical is not the only issue. I also suffer with depression, which likely has a much bigger impact on my level of desire for sex.

    As far as the birth control pills, I’m 47 (my husband and I are done having children), and my doctor put me on them a couple of years ago, to regulate and shorten my periods, and for the side effects of excessive hormonal swings. It has helped some with these physical things, but I suppose it is possible that they are an adverse influence on my sex drive. However, my desire for sex has always been considerably lower than my husband’s, and I have only been on birth control pills for the past few years, so I know they are not the only factor.

    As to tiredness and making time to be intimate, my husband and I have found that Saturday mornings (as you said), when we can sleep in is the best time, and that is probably our most regular time for intimacy. But, with my cycle happening at least one of those Saturdays each month, and occasionally having other things come up, where we can’t sleep in, that leaves only 2 to 3 times a month, at best. My husband and I both work full-time (I am a teacher at my two of my children’s school, so I am usually home a bit earlier than he is). Our busy weekday schedule starts with me getting up at 5:30 each morning, so that everyone can get hot showers; our evenings consist of me making dinner, the family eating dinner, kid’s homework, chatting about our day, my husband doing work at his part-time 2nd job managing a trailer park, church activities one night a week, occasional kid’s activities (concerts, etc…), a couple of tv shows a weeks that we enjoy together, and getting kids to bed (oldest at-home child is in high school, youngest is in middle school – so their bedtimes are not as early as they used to be). Usually around 9:00, the kids are in bed, everything is done, and my husband and I are completely pooped! One or both of us often falls asleep on the couch or chair watching the news, or one or both of us turn in early and are out before our heads hit the pillow (usually me). Then the next day, we do it all over again.

    My husband sometimes tries to initiate sex on weeknights, but it is usually about the last thing I want, and even find myself resenting it, because it will rob me some of my precious sleep time (selfish, I know). I don’t sleep terribly well many nights, anyway, and often, after sex, I suffer from insomnia, while my husband falls into a deeply contented hibernation. Often, this happens after I have been in a deep and much needed sleep and he wakes me up in the middle of the night, because he’s in the mood. Or, he wakes me up at 4:30 or 5:00am, when I’ve only gotten 4 or 5 hours of sleep, and all I can think is that I have to get up in an hour, so please just leave me alone! At that point, I’m darned if I do, darned if I don’t, because I’ll either be awake from having reluctant sex that I don’t want to have, or from the guilt of rejecting my husband. I’m not sure how to not resent that. He functions much better on too little sleep than I do.

    We have talked about this issue a number of times in the past, and I know it frustrates him. In the first 12 or so years of our marriage, it seemed I was constantly either pregnant, nursing, or just an exhausted stay-home mom trying to keep up with/raise our four little kids, and that was my “excuse.” Now we’ve entered this new season in our lives, and I’m even MORE tired! I don’t mean to make excuses, but sometimes I’m so tired, I just want to cry (and in fact, have done so) when he gives me the indication that he wants to be intimate. Sometimes, I’m just emotionally drained. Sometimes I’m sad or emotional due to hormones, a hard day at work, the weather, too many nights with too little sleep, or whatever; and I want to cuddle and hug, but not have sex. More often than not, my husband is willing to do this, but I know there are times when he thinks, “enough is enough already!”

    I know that I am the more selfish of the two of us. I always have been. I know that I indulge my feelings more than I should. I know, logically, that my emotions can not usually be trusted to be founded on truth. But to use an analogy: when everything around you is screaming, “the sky is green! The sky is green!” and you know it’s a lie; but it looks green, smells green, feels green, and everything within you confirms it’s greenness, it’s very difficult to make yourself act upon and believe what you know to be true – that the sky is really blue. After a while you feel insane, like nothing you feel is real. There are times (particularly, but not exclusively, the two weeks before and during my period) when I can get very emotional. I cry for absolutely no reason. Any little thing can spark it – good or bad, happy or sad. Being emotional makes sex difficult. Other times, it’s just the opposite – I feel numb and emotion-less. That’s the depression, and I know I shouldn’t allow those feelings (or lack thereof) to dictate how I respond to my husband, but that makes sex difficult, too. At those times, I feel like a machine, just going through the motions. Those experiences are not satisfying for either of us. I guess I just don’t know how to snap myself out of those kind of “funks.” Honestly, at those times, I’m not sure I have the will or faith to even want to.

    Thank you for your suggestions. I will try to start dealing with lies that I let myself believe about sex, and I’ll try not to let my feelings dictate how I respond to my husband. Thank you for your prayers, and for this ministry.

  11. My husband and I have gone thru some pretty serious issues the last 2 years plus. We haven’t had sex in that time. We both hurt each other a lot and the last year had been about healing with some bumps along the way. Add to that a special need child and three other kids, financial strain and high demands of a stressful job and it feels like it may never happen.
    I see the patterns in me. I am ready to move on but my husband has a difficult time even holding my hand. The emotional strain is beyond description. We both tried individual counseling and a pastor tried to counsel us, but his advice to just go home and have sex wasn’t helpful.
    Right now, I have decided to be as sweet and loving as I can be, which meant releasing the bitterness and resentment. This isn’t the marriage I signed up for. We were so good the first 10 years or so of our marriage. I miss my husband being my best friend, sharing intimate things as well as a healthy sex life. I pray that things will turn around soon and we can have a better marriage than we ever had before.