Kate says . . .
The sun is beating hot. So intense it is like hitting a wall. The wall, similar to the one I feel in my own life is too hot to approach and tear down. So I keep building the wall, layer after layer to protect myself.
It is a wall I started when I was young. It protects, it shields; and yet the heat still seems to penetrate the layers. I thought I could seal it up and forget it, but it always is there, building in intensity.
Every day I wonder, will this be the day the wall swallows me whole?
The wall is things that have been done to me and choices I have made.
This shame is the reason I hide and only come out in the heat of the day. When no one else will see me, I see to my needs. It was here in that intense heat that I collided with the Living Water.
Even in my shame, even with the wrong done to me and the wrong I have done; His water was different. His water was eternally cooling and it blasted away my wall.
I had the amazing opportunity to attend a Women at the Well, 4-day Intensive Workshop, with author and speaker (as well as our dear friend), Shannon Ethridge. She invited 10 women into her home to sift through their sexual and emotional baggage from their past as well as their present. When I say into her home, I mean we sat in her living room, used her bathroom and she even told us to help ourselves to the contents of her fridge and pantry. Crazy and yet so amazing.
Shannon graciously walked the 10 of us through our lives; the things that have happened to us and the choices we have made in life. It was a time of reflection, tears, hugs, joy and freedom. It was an intense (hence the word intensive) 4 days, but we sifted through it together. As 10 women who have things that are keeping us from moving fully forward in life and our marriages (for those of us who were married, there were participants who were not).
You might be asking, “Why am I sharing this?”
Because I know there are women readers of ours who need to read this post today. I know that wall of shame that you keep adding to, layer by layer is keeping you from the life and marriage that God deeply desires for you. You are His beloved, my friend. As His beloved, you have things that need to be sifted through and worked on.
I had some deep anger and emotional trauma from my childhood that was keeping me from being the mom I truly wanted to be. That in turn was putting stress on Brad as he would try to help and cover for me in those moments. It was truly amazing to walk through this process with Shannon and 10 other amazingly brave women who will forever be my heroes! They were willing to step into their vulnerability and seek help.
They were willing to say,
“Hey, I can’t seem to break these chains of my past and I need help. I don’t want to repeat things from my past or continue to build my hot wall of shame. I desire the freedom of living water that my Jesus is offering me. I have no idea how to get there, but I know He is the way!”
That is why they are my heroes.
Are you continuing to build you wall today?
That hot wall that layer by layer insulates you from the world (including your husband) also isolates you from the freedom Jesus is offering you.
- Do you push your husband and kids away with words of anger and bitterness?
- Do you struggle with sex with your husband?
- Do you feel the need to control everything in your life, otherwise it will all crumble?
- Do you repeatedly struggle but have no idea why?
- Do you seek out emotional or sexual connection with someone other than your husband?
I have no doubt if you answered yes, that you have also asked yourself, “Why do I continue to do this when I want healing and freedom?”
The Women at the Well 4 day Intensive could be just what you need and God is calling you to.
Please consider checking out Shannon’s page to learn more.
The 10 lady warrior heroes that I had the privilege of spending these 4 days with will forever be some of my most treasured friends. I have known them for 4 days and I love them as sisters. Life change happens with God’s word, His people and His spirit. Shannon has taken those three things and created an amazing time for women to sift through whatever is keeping them from experiencing God’s fullness for them.
I would be glad to talk more about my experience one on one if you Email Me and will answer any questions in the comment section that I can. You can also contact Shannon directly by filling out the application to talk about the Women at the Well workshop.
Don’t spend another day in that intense heat of shame building that wall.
Join a group of other brave, but very scared women who know Jesus has what they need to topple that wall and quench your thirst. Freedom from that hot shame is in your grasp. Reach out and take it.
Do you feel that your wall is impacting your marriage? Share in the comments!
If you have been to a Women at the Well workshop, would you share anonymously how that experience was for you?