My Wall of Shame

Kate says . . .

The sun is beating hot. So intense it is like hitting a wall. The wall, similar to the one I feel in my own life is too hot to approach and tear down. So I keep building the wall, layer after layer to protect myself.

It is a wall I started when I was young. It protects, it shields; and yet the heat still seems to penetrate the layers. I thought I could seal it up and forget it, but it always is there, building in intensity.

Every day I wonder, will this be the day the wall swallows me whole?

The wall is things that have been done to me and choices I have made.

This shame is the reason I hide and only come out in the heat of the day. When no one else will see me, I see to my needs. It was here in that intense heat that I collided with the Living Water.

Even in my shame, even with the wrong done to me and the wrong I have done; His water was different. His water was eternally cooling and it blasted away my wall.

I am the women at the well. My Wall of Shame

I had the amazing opportunity to attend a Women at the Well, 4-day Intensive Workshop, with author and speaker (as well as our dear friend), Shannon Ethridge. She invited 10 women into her home to sift through their sexual and emotional baggage from their past as well as their present. When I say into her home, I mean we sat in her living room, used her bathroom and she even told us to help ourselves to the contents of her fridge and pantry. Crazy and yet so amazing.

Shannon graciously walked the 10 of us through our lives; the things that have happened to us and the choices we have made in life. It was a time of reflection, tears, hugs, joy and freedom. It was an intense (hence the word intensive) 4 days, but we sifted through it together. As 10 women who have things that are keeping us from moving fully forward in life and our marriages (for those of us who were married, there were participants who were not).

You might be asking, “Why am I sharing this?”

Because I know there are women readers of ours who need to read this post today. I know that wall of shame that you keep adding to, layer by layer is keeping you from the life and marriage that God deeply desires for you. You are His beloved, my friend. As His beloved, you have things that need to be sifted through and worked on.

My Wall

I had some deep anger and emotional trauma from my childhood that was keeping me from being the mom I truly wanted to be. That in turn was putting stress on Brad as he would try to help and cover for me in those moments. It was truly amazing to walk through this process with Shannon and 10 other amazingly brave women who will forever be my heroes! They were willing to step into their vulnerability and seek help.

They were willing to say,

“Hey, I can’t seem to break these chains of my past and I need help. I don’t want to repeat things from my past or continue to build my hot wall of shame. I desire the freedom of living water that my Jesus is offering me. I have no idea how to get there, but I know He is the way!”

That is why they are my heroes.

Are you continuing to build you wall today?

That hot wall that layer by layer insulates you from the world (including your husband) also isolates you from the freedom Jesus is offering you.

  • Do you push your husband and kids away with words of anger and bitterness?
  • Do you struggle with sex with your husband?
  • Do you feel the need to control everything in your life, otherwise it will all crumble?
  • Do you repeatedly struggle but have no idea why?
  • Do you seek out emotional or sexual connection with someone other than your husband?

I have no doubt if you answered yes, that you have also asked yourself, “Why do I continue to do this when I want healing and freedom?

The Women at the Well 4 day Intensive could be just what you need and God is calling you to.

Please consider checking out Shannon’s page to learn more.

The 10 lady warrior heroes that I had the privilege of spending these 4 days with will forever be some of my most treasured friends. I have known them for 4 days and I love them as sisters. Life change happens with God’s word, His people and His spirit. Shannon has taken those three things and created an amazing time for women to sift through whatever is keeping them from experiencing God’s fullness for them.

I would be glad to talk more about my experience one on one if you Email Me and will answer any questions in the comment section that I can. You can also contact Shannon directly by filling out the application to talk about the Women at the Well workshop.

Don’t spend another day in that intense heat of shame building that wall.

Join a group of other brave, but very scared women who know Jesus has what they need to topple that wall and quench your thirst. Freedom from that hot shame is in your grasp. Reach out and take it.

Do you feel that your wall is impacting your marriage? Share in the comments!

If you have been to a Women at the Well workshop, would you share anonymously how that experience was for you? 

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14 Responses to My Wall of Shame

  1. These things all affect me and my wife so deeply. I pray that she eventually sees this herself.

    • Baldy,
      Yes I encourage you to keep praying. On top of that you can look deeply into your own “wall”. Just because we are guys doesn’t mean we get to ignore the emotional “demons” in our pasts.

      Maybe you don’t have any glowing issues, but then consider how you can fulfil your calling as a husband to “love your wife as Christ loves the Church.”

      If you can show her this type of love, she will be in a much better and safer place to actually explore her own past.

      Don’t feel you are powerless until she gets help. That is a trap and a lie. You can make it a safe place for her. You can help her feel ok about exploring her deeper issues.

      In the same way if you DON’T do that you can make it unstable and dangerous for her to find healing of her past.

      If you want her to grow then make it safe!

  2. I went through the workshop as well in Feb. I had hit rock bottom in life. I had no desire to go on anymore. My husband absolutely did not want me to go & felt it was very selfish.

    When I came back, he saw the change in me. That workshop saved my marriage. It also made me see I’m not alone & it gave me the courage to be honest about the sexual abuse I suffered for almost 10 years as a child.

    • Thank you Allyson for being brave! Being brave to share a bit here with us and for being brave in facing the hard parts of your life. I praise God with you for the change in you, you hubby and your marriage! Blessings, Kate

  3. Its heartbreaking that workshops like this are only available to those who can afford to spend well over $1,000. Jesus didnt charge for healing and actually told his disciples not to accept money. I understand material fees but $800 worth?? Not what the Lord had in mind for his church.

    • Hi Cari,

      While I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, I think this one is off base. To say that it is “not what the Lord had in mind for his church” and that “Jesus didn’t charge for healing” is simply hurtful. I know Shannon as a dear friend and I can assure you, her intention is not to make her ‘million’ doing these seminars. Her heart is to walk women through what she has learned herself through her own healing and point them to Jesus.

      She is charging for these workshops and there is nothing wrong with that. Jesus wasn’t mad with the tax collectors for earning a paycheck, he was mad with them for cheating people and skimming of the top. Shannon had 10 women in her house for 4 days, feeding us and caring for us. To assume that ALL ministries should be free is unreasonable. My husband Brad is a counselor as well, he charges his clients who he works with. For some people work and ministry are the same, therefore they need to earn a living.

      Shannon offers payment options for the workshop as well as helping you find a place to stay if there is a host family available.

      The other thing readers need to remember is that you don’t know how much bloggers like us make or authors/bloggers like Shannon. To be honest, we make very little in this marriage blogging ministry.

      The ladies who have attended these workshops would tell you it was worth the investment.

      Please think before you assume things and accuse people like us or a dear friend of doing something Jesus wouldn’t like. There is simply no good in it.

      Blessings, Kate

      • Kate,

        I agree! I can’t put a number on what Shannon did for me. I truly believe she saved me as well as my marriage. That itself is worth millions so 800.00 spread out over time is very worth the investment!

  4. Beautifully said Kate! It was an honor to be one of the 10 who had the pleasure of spending 4 remarkable days with you and Shannon. Not only was the workshop a priceless investment in my life, it has been a shared benefit for my husband. What a treasure it is to bare your soul to your spouse, impart what you have learned and thus grow more deeply as one. I could spend money on a lot of things…..clothes, home decor, good food, a weekend get away…..but this was the better choice. The Word says, “A worker is worthy of his wage” and Shannon gives all of herself and more to each woman….not to mention opening the doors to her private residence as you mentioned. Like you, I understand that the benefits of the Women at the Well workshop will last a lifetime. I am grateful for my personal renewal, but the beauty it is bringing into my marriage cannont even been defined.

    • Love ya Mary James! God has richly blessed me with you! 🙂 Can’t wait to see what God has in store for your life, marriage and ministry!

  5. Kate,
    I too am a well woman thanks to Shannon and her willingness to allow God to use her and to speak to us through her. When I found women at the well, I was in the middle of a separation from my second husband and didn’t know how I had gotten myself into such a mess. Shannon helped me unpack my baggage and go deeper into my issues of my past than I had ever dared go before.

    Instead of signing divorce papers the week after women at the well, my husband and I returned to Shannon’s home later that month and went through another intensive with just the two of us. I have also continued with individual coaching with Shannon.

    I have gone from an extreme people-pleasing vacillator who focused fully on gaining acceptance from man to a well woman who understands that the Lord has chosen me as His bride and loves me as I am. I am so grateful for Shannon and her gift!

    • Hi Samantha! Thank you so much for being willing to share about your Women at the Well experience! I just love hearing stories like yours. God is so faithful. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Blessings, Kate