4 Words to Speak Life or Spread Poison

Kate says,

This day is just like any other day, a moment like so many that cross your path each day of your life. The man you found so handsome and amazing stands before you, sharing his day full of struggles and victories. He bares his soul of what God has called him to at this point in his life. You seek to listen hard and understand with your heart what he is sharing. The moment comes as it always does. The moment where your words can speak life or can be poison.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

Your tongue, your words have incredible influence. Death or life. Uplifting or adding weight. Poison or life-giving. Remember death is not always a fast thing. Your words can be a balm or an acid that eats away slowly but surely accomplishing their deadly purpose.
I-will-be-your-proudest-wit

I have seen this unfold in my own marriage. As a young bride, I doubted my husband many times. I did not use words to encourage. I bent towards negative motivation in order to express what I needed. It was a devastating tactic.

It always amazes me that we will use a tactic in our marriage even when we know and have experienced the carnage it can create.


As God changed my heart to one of loving and giving, my words of encouragement and praise helped to heal deep wounds in my hubby. They have also been a balm to his soul as he seeks to follow God in all things.

I truly believe my hubby can do anything God calls him to and I am going to be there all the way. I get to be the only one to see it ALL unfold. The mess, the joy, the amazing God moments, the beauty out of ashes-I have the only front row seat and I don’t take that lightly.

The more and more Brad and I interact with couples, the more apparent it becomes that while words may or may not be a husband’s love language, a wife’s words and belief in him deeply impact him. How he sees himself, his confidence in situations, his joy in life.

Don’t get me wrong, you are not his Jesus and you never can be. Yet, can be his biggest champion, right there with him in all of life encouraging him in his God given purposes. What an awesome privilege.

Your words to your husband- speak life or spread poison:

I respect you

Respect . . . the word we hear about constantly in regards to our husbands. They need respect. God designed them that way and it is a good thing. Your words daily to your hubby express whether or not you think your husband is a man of integrity and purpose. What you choose to say as well as the way you say those things shows him clearly if the one most dear to him values and admires him for who he is, right where his is.

I know it is hard to believe, but respect means more to him then love. A husband who feels deeply respected by his wife, finds her incredibly stunning, wants to love her in all the ways God designed him to, wants to serve her, wants to show her love as God designed her to need, and feels like he can do what God has set before him with her by his side.

That he is who God says he is

My husband is God’s beloved. He was specially designed by God for his purposes and plans. When we use words to encourage and inspire, it says to your husband, “You are amazingly special in both my eyes and God’s.” God has plan for your hubby and you are a part of that.

I am proud of you

I am incredibly proud of the man my hubby is. He is a hard worker, loves his family fiercely, is passionate about his callings in life, loves me so well and he deeply loves Jesus. He is constantly challenging himself, seeking to learn and fall into the arms of Grace. Goodness, I love my man.  🙂

Being proud and expressing that in private, in front of your children and in front of others is such a wonderful thing.

You’re my hero

Your man wants to be your hero. Little boys grow up with visions of Captain America, Superman, Batman and many others. God has created that want in them for many reasons. Whether it is to save you from that blasted spider on the wall, from the emotional hurt of circumstances or from being physically hurt-he wants to be that hero.

Not a savior, but a hero who provides and protects. Your words tell him much about whether you see him as your hero or not.

The reality is:

Your words hold more value and power to encourage than anyone else’s on earth. It is sobering and yet a fantastic privilege. I love that I get to have such an instrumental part in Brad’s amazing life. And when I stand before God, and he asks me “How did you encourage your husband, the man I have entrusted to you, in life as you loved and served next to him?” I want to smile, knowing that while I failed at times, I loved him well with my words.

One of our Pastors recently said “We have the ability to choose our attitude in every circumstance.” We can choose to speak life into our hubby’s or speak death. I have seen both sides and can attest that speaking life is such a beautiful opportunity.

Do you struggle to speak life into your husband’s life through words?  If so will you commit to seeking to do just that?

Wives:  What are some other areas you have seen words “speak life” to your husband?

Husbands:  Is there anything you would add to my list to better help wives understand and serve their husband?

Brad started this topic in his last post Sticks and Stones and Broken Bones.  As a wife it was spot on!

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4 Responses to 4 Words to Speak Life or Spread Poison

  1. The Tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” [James 3:5,6 Speak words of faith and stop the fire before it starts today. James 3:1-10