I need you.
Wanna get lucky?
Let’s go to the bedroom.
I want you.
Let’s make love.
Let’s have sex.
How about some bedroom gymnastics?
Let’s fool around.
Let’s take that mattress for a test drive.
How about a little lovemaking?
How about a quickie?
You put my sex drive into overdrive.
Do you want cheesy lines or do you just wanna do it?
There might be a thousand ways to communicate your desire for sex to your wife. Unfortunately, there are also at least 900 ways to do it poorly. Kate went to bat for all husbands in her post, “To All the Wives Who Feel Like a Piece of Meat” encouraging wives to see the positive in between the sometimes hurtful words.
The answer isn’t just about stopping the inappropriate, it is about growing the healthy ways to tell your wife you desire her!Here are three steps to help you retire the locker room Meat Man, and become the Real Man your wife desires at the same time.
Recognize the Problem
The first step in changing our Meat Man ways is recognizing the problem. When your wife feels your object is to have sex over and above connecting with her, she will feel like a piece of meat. I know that is normally not what you are trying to communicate, but the words “do you want sex” without any connection to “I desire to be with YOU” can easily make someone feel that their role in the whole process is to just show up.
Fear Of The No
One of the main reasons that men use these direct methods rather than expressing themselves better, is because of a fear of rejection. When your wife says “No” to your asking, “You want to fool around?” you may be disappointed, but you are not rejected. The idea was rejected.
When you work hard to express your desire to connect with your wife on an emotional and sexual level and she says, “No” or even “not tonight” it can feel like she is rejecting YOU.
Meat Man methods are often a layer of protecting from the feeling of rejection.
Take a Risk with Your Sexual Desire
While asking, “Can we tonight?” might protect you from rejection, it also does a fairly good job of protecting you from anything actually happening. Since that clearly isn’t your object, you probably need to change your tactics.
When you are asking if you can, or if she wants to you are asking about her sexual desire. You are really asking the wrong question. You need to be willing to take that risk and communicate your desire for her. Don’t seek to take her temperature, romantically and lovingly tell her yours! Telling her she is beautiful and you desire to make love to HER is a much better approach.
You need to be thinking about creating a mood, a space for sexual intimacy to happen in rather then making sure an event happens. A women’s sexual desire peaks when they feel secure and connected to their partner. Successfully communicating your sexual desire for your wife has to include your desire for her and your authentic desire for connection.
If you do this correctly, there will be times that your wife says, “not tonight”. There will probably even be times that you say, “not tonight” too. You both have to learn how to hear these perfectly normal words without getting hurt. It is very possible that your wife’s lack of desire has noting to do with you and everything to do with the crazy day at work, or the hair raising time she had with the kids homework.
Your wife is less likely to use sex as a way of decompressing and relaxing as you are. If she has had, one of those days, then you need to be thinking about how to give her space for at least 30 minutes of relaxing with the mental thought of growing sexual desire. Then another 20 minutes of soft affectionate touch, kissing, cuddling before she will reach a readiness for sex. This is the normal time frame. It could be longer. Do you see why I said you need to think about creating a space for intimacy not about an event.
Restoration Takes Time
You probably have been using some of these Meat Man methods for quite some time. You are not going to be able to make a change overnight. It will take some time and risk to put your desire out there for your wife. It will take her developing some trust that you don’t see her as a piece of meat, but a person that you desire to connect with on a deeply intimate level.
Let us know:
Guys, do you find yourself using one of those “feel like meat” methods, why?
Ladies, do you have suggestions for us on how we can approach you with our desire better?
let us know in the comments!