Kate says (and Brad seconds) . . .
So there are those moments when someone will say to me, “So do you and Brad ever have marriage problems?” or “Wow, it must be nice to have everything figured out in marriage!” of “So, now that you have a good marriage, is it still so much work?”
While I never feel like these things are said in a condescending or mean way they still make me sad. Here is what I deeply desire for you to remember, similar to what I shared in my post 10 Confessions of a Marriage Blogging Wife. We want to always be vulnerable and transparent, but I do know that sometimes those who are in marriage ministry can seem infallible. Let me tell ya how it is here in our household and our marriage. Here goes:
We are not perfect and do not have a perfect marriage!
With all that we have shared of our story and all that God has changed in us, I hope we have never given that impression. Only Adam and Eve knew what a perfect marriage was like (for a time) this side of heaven. Brad and I are unique, broken individuals, growing in our One Flesh journey. That my friends is a recipe for an imperfect, yet grace filled marriage!
We fight, argue and even have times of disconnectedness!
Why yes we do! But it is different than it used to be! We keep in mind the patterns that we fall into and we are constantly taking a good hard look at ourselves (not the other person) to see what we need to work on to impact our marriage. God has driven this home in my spirit so many times and showed me that His truth works: You can be the change you want to see in your own marriage!
Our marriage takes daily investment!
It is a beautiful investment and I now love the precious gift I have been given in taking each day and seeking to love and respect my husband above all others except my Jesus. There is no auto-pilot in marriage. There is no coasting. I don’t like the word “work” and marriage, I prefer thinking of it as attentive, intentional effort.
There are days we feel like ships passing in the night!
We have three kids, many jobs between the two of us, a part time business and the list goes on and on-just as yours does. There are days one of us leaves at 7:15am and we don’t get to connect until 10:30pm and that is to fall into bed and kiss goodnight. We are just like you. While that may be our reality, we are also fiercely protective of each other and our time together.
While we are not perfect, we ARE on the same page about marriage!
The best way I can describe marriage for us now vs. the years that were down right “dark,” is that we are on the same page. We both know God loves us beyond what our human minds can comprehend and that he wants good for our marriage. When we are stressed, disagreeing, not finding enough time together . . . whatever it is, we seek to be keenly aware of where we are and honest when we need to change that!
Being on the same page also means committing to communicate with each other whenever we need to for whatever reason. It means seeking to see the best in each other. To not force our own selfishness, but to look to the others needs first. To see all the beauty the rest of the world doesn’t get to see. The unfolding of a masterpiece.
We mess up, even when we have good intentions!
Even being on the same page, doesn’t prevent us from messing up. Yet being on the same page means we seek to own our messes, to forgive, to ask forgiveness and to allow God to teach us through these messes!
When we look back we see the battlefield, but also the truth that God has never left US-not once!
We can see our battlefield. Some days it seems like decades ago and other days it is closer. But mostly we see that God never left us and that he was always FOR our marriage. We try to never lose that perspective!
We are still on this journey of One Flesh. It will never be a destination we can reach or a status we can obtain. We share from our story of God’s restoration in our marriage and what he as tought us. So there you have it my friends. 🙂