We’ve all had them. Maybe we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, we didn’t sleep well, or something lousy happened at work. Whatever it was that caused it, we feel like a grump and today is just going to be “one of those days”. We know we are going to be short with everyone, and just downright grouchy.
We all have them, “those days” happen. Hopefully they don’t happen too often, but every once in a while they do come around. When those days do happen, we pretty quickly chalk it up to the weather, or our sleep, or some situation we were in. We are pretty quick to give ourselves grace, and hope to have a better tomorrow. My question is do you give your spouse the same consideration?
Think about this for a moment. When we have a bad day, we usually pretty quickly recognize it and give ourselves the grace and the space that we need. When our spouse has a day, we often switch into the defensive detective mode.
We start asking all kinds of questions. “What’s wrong?”, “Did I do something?”, “What happened?”, “Why aren’t you talking?” We feel like we need to uncover what is going on. We want to make sure they aren’t upset at us, or something that we did, (or didn’t do).
But it doesn’t stop there, even if we get through the list of questions it is pretty easy to switch into irritated defensive mode. “I don’t know what you are all upset about, but you don’t have to be so rude.” Making those comments is just putting up the wall, letting them know that their mood isn’t welcome.
Give the Gift
One of the biggest gifts you can give to your spouse is a sense of understanding when they are having one of those days. Instead of pulling the defensive detective act, try stopping, recognizing that this is a person that you care for deeply and that you want to serve. Try giving them the same grace that we so quickly give ourselves. It’s a bad day, with a bit of time, support, and maybe a good night’s rest, it will pass.
You can be a huge part of making a bad day worse or better just simply by how you choose to respond. I want to challenge you to stop and choose grace.
Love Languages To the Rescue
Figure out what your spouse’s specific needs are that could help them when they are having a bad day. Are they the type that needs some quiet and relaxation or are the they type that needs to talk it out? Would it help to take things off their to do list, or to just simply spend time with them?
The best way to know this is to look back at their love language. If you know how to speak love to your spouse, you will have a really great idea on how to take care of them in this time too.
If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, then taking care of some chores that they had on their list might be the perfect way to take care of them. On the other hand, if your spouse’s love language is quality time, then finding a soft spot on the couch together might be the best thing in the world.
If your spouse is physical touch as their love language, then maybe a massage or just a simple long hug might do the trick. If they are words of affirmation, then maybe they are the type who will need to talk it out, and allow you to tell them that they are doing a good job. And last but not least, if your spouse’s love language is gifts, this might be an excellent time to bring home a flower or their favorite flavor of ice cream.
Speaking love in those times of needs, in those bad days is a great way to go above and beyond and serve your spouse. It can be a wonderful gift that honestly avoids an argument and more importantly will grow the two of you together.
A Gift on the Other Side
After you’ve had the opportunity to give your spouse the gift of grace when they are having a bad day, you might want to take the step of communicating when you are in “one of those days” too. A simple, “I’m having a bad day, and it has nothing to do with you” is usually all that is needed.
Now that doesn’t give you a license to be a jerk, but can be a way to ask your spouse to give you a hand while you work to get things back under control too.
What do you think? Have you given your spouse grace when they are having a bad day, or do you find yourself playing detective trying to figure out what is wrong? Talk with your spouse about what you can do to change that pattern! Let us know in the comments