Yesterday I was speaking at an event and we had “anonymous question” time. Every time we do this, I can guarantee that someone will ask the question, “Is it ok for my wife and I to do “xyz” sexually?” The xyz changes, but the question is always there. Is anal sex ok for Christian couples? Is oral sex ok for Christian couples? Is watching porn ok for Christian couples? Is video taping ourselves ok for Christian couples?
We’ve been asked each of these and more! Here are 2 simple guidelines to answer these questions. I know they seem like complicated questions, but when you look to Scripture for the answer, it actually becomes pretty simple.
Just the 2 of Us
Does this activity involve just you and your spouse?
Hebrews 13:4 says it best, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (NIV) Sex in marriage is just for the two of you to experience together. That is how God designed it. So things like multiple partners or even pornography in marriage are really against this standard.
I’m Up For IT
Do both you and your spouse desire to do this?
1 Corinthians 7:3 makes this one pretty clear. “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.(NLT)” I know that it is easy to read this and think, “well, if I want it then my spouse should want it too”, but that is totally forgetting the other part of the sentence. We need to put our spouses needs above our own, and pushing someone to do something they don’t want to do, doesn’t do that.
If you can answer yes to both of those questions then the answer to “can I do it” is YES. Go for it.
What do you think? Have you had to wrestle with this question before? Why do you think so many churches teach something different?
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