Marriage: Mission Possible
Today Paul of The Generous Husband and The Marriage Bed will be sharing his Marriage: Mission Possible . . .
If there was only one thing from the story of your marriage that you could share, what would it be? What lesson learned, revelation, heart change or profound moment is a testament to God’s plan for marriage?
The one thing I have learned in my marriage that I wish I could get all couples to believe is that nothing is written in stone. Things can be different than they are now, no matter how bad they may be or how hopeless it looks.
God delights in bringing good out of bad, and beauty from ugliness. No matter what has happened, God can make it better. No matter how horrible your spouse was in the past, no matter how harsh your parents were, no matter how destructive a past relationship was, you can get past it and have a great marriage. It seems impossible, but God has other plans.
One place I see this in my marriage is our sex life. I had not looked at porn for eight years when we married, but my mind was not free of what porn had done to me. My bride had sexual abuse, rape and other sexual injuries in her past. To say sex was a problem is a huge understatement. I was overly focused on sex, while she wanted to avoid it. We had all the makings of a long struggle that would never be resolved. But God had other plans.
There was no reason to think we would both get healed and come to have a sex life that we each find deeply satisfying. There was no reason to think I would learn to see sex as far more than physical and no reason to think she would every want and enjoy it. But God had other plans.
It took time, and there were a lot of tears and less than kind words. We both had to take our focus off the other and take a painful, honest look at ourselves. We had to confess our sins, and our stubbornness. We had to accept responsibility for what we had done wrong, and stop accepting responsibility for what others had done to us. We had to own our stuff so that it could be changed. We had to reject the wrong ideas and views of others so that we could accept the truth of God. We had to give each other space and grace, and we had to give encouragement at any sign of growth. It was difficult, but with a lot of prayer, we made it.
We’ve been married over 27 years now. Based on what we brought to the marriage our sex life should have ended a long time ago – but God had other plans. We enjoy sex more and more every year, and have no reason to think that will change in the near future. It’s not what we should have, but God had other plans.
I’m sure there are things about you and your spouse where there is no reason to think it will change for the better. But God …
Paul and his wife Lori (The Generous Wife) are internet marriage ministry pioneers. They have companion blogs, The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife as well as run the website/forum The Marriage Bed.