Kate’s last post, “Eye Catching Modesty in Marriage” did a really awesome job talking about two very different issues, appropriate dress in the bedroom and outside of it! (Not just bragging on my wife here but I think it is a really awesome post!) I wanted to continue this theme in my follow-up post for husbands and talk about how guy’s eyes need some adjustment for both in and outside of the home too!
When was the last time you ogled your wife? You know, Ogle: “to eye amorously or provocatively”. I know that word doesn’t usually have a positive connotation, but in this case I think it is appropriate. Remember back to those long nights as a teenage boy? I know we want to forget sometimes, but think about what your reaction would have been if a woman stepped out of the shower in your presence. Think about how excited that would make you. In reality, most days we have the same amazing pleasure as husbands! What a privilege, but do you take advantage of it?
It is high time that all guys remember to ogle their wife! Take a long look and tell her just how amazingly beautiful she is! Be specific! Tell her what you like! Need some hints? A fun assignment is to read Song of Solomon only reading the sections under the heading “young man”. This will give you lots to awesome ideas of how to ogle and then complement your wife!
Over and above the privilege you have in taking that extra look at what God has blessed you to have sharing your bed, it is part of your job as husband! Your wife frequently needs to hear and feel that you find her attractive! Your telling her often and regularly will be a tremendous boost to her view of herself. One of the consequences of a women’s low opinion of her body is that she doesn’t want to see herself naked. Since you would like to see it, it is you job to tell her how much you like it! For another great post on this topic and a great idea for building her self-image check out, “The Most Beautiful Woman In the World” on Songsix3.org
I know I’m going to get comments from guys who say that their wife’s body has changed, and he feels it is less attractive than it used to be. I have six words for you guys, and sorry they aren’t very nice. Get over yourself and stay quiet! All of our bodies change while we age, you are not the same spring chicken she married anymore either. Can you encourage health? Sure. Can you like some bits better than other bits? I guess. This attitude contributes to making women think that all husbands find their wife less attractive as she ages and that simply is not true! If this is a real issue for you I suggest you start praying that God grant you eyes to see your wife the way He sees her!
Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. (Proverbs 5:18, 19 NLT)
Eyes Front Soldier!
On the other hand, ogling is only for your wife! I loved Kate’s encouragement to wives to dress nicely yet modestly when in public. I think it is great that wives are willing to help their brothers not stumble. However, it is not totally their responsibility! No matter how many women take up this banner there will still be “immoral women” to use the term from Proverbs 5.
As I read God’s word I have come to a conclusion: If an absolutely beautiful completely naked woman who is not my wife, were to throw herself at me, it would be my responsiblity to run away! We see this multiple times in the scriptures. From the advice in Proverbs 5:8, “Stay away from her! [the immoral woman] Don’t go near the door of her house!”, to the escape of Joseph in Genesis 39:12, even in Job’s pleadings to God we hear is value of “I made a covenant with my eye not to look with lust at a young woman. (Job 31:1 NLT)” Even Jesus discussed this issue, “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28 NLT)
I know that it can be difficult to see something beautiful then look away. I agree with the bouncing eyes suggestion that was discussed in Every Man’s Battle. A first look is noticing, a second look is our responsiblity! Make an agreement with your eyes to bounce them away after noticing, and don’t look back. I find it helpful to remember that not only do I want to look away for my own benefit, but that she is not mine to look at. She is or will be someone else’s wife. I wouldn’t want any of you looking at my wife with those eyes and I don’t want to do that to any of your wives.
What do you think guys? How have you managed to keep that covenant with your eyes?
Wives, what has your husband done that has shown you how they feel about your body? Or what have then not done that you wish they would
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